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Beat Your Genes Podcast & More

Living Wisdom Library Q&A
2021-11-13
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all right all right we have audio we're a business all as well almost like no do I I would not go that far that would be excessive um while I am fixing all the things I need to fix here do you do you do you want to say what we're what we've been scheming or should we wait on that um oh I guess we could we could what do you think we wanted to yeah yeah if you if you're up for it we can yeah it's in progress yeah unplanned it's uh stumbling and mumbling the uh we we recognize the the the the living wisdom Library website has a little thing on it about our upcoming book and that it's coming in 2021. oh yeah we should edit that which needs to be edited just gonna have to move over one of those numbers and fortunately it'll be the last number it won't be the second the last ever not yet yeah not yet so uh but we we thought uh we're moving along well and we we will we will have this thing done in the months to come the um the but people uh may be I think people are curious our living Muslim Library people are curious probably about what the book is we don't want to give too much of it away which is why we haven't talked uh that much about it but I think people will be intrigued uh by what it is if they find out uh about what it's about so we're uh at Jen's gen uh sort of tugged me on the on uh on the shoulder on this one because uh uh my I'm I'm secretive about this because it's a big it's a big thing and it's I think it's going to be very exciting when we're finished uh we we love this thing however Jen's like hey well we did tell people that you're in a book in 2021 but not a book maybe a chapter so uh that's what our plan is go ahead tell them what we're up to yeah no we're just gonna send out a chapter um that uh along with some of the artwork from the book which is which is uh gives a very beautiful sense of kind of the the Zeitgeist of the whole thing um and so it's uh it's in progress we just need to make sure it looks pretty before we send it to you so and it's not going to be the final like where you know it's not our final designer putting it together or anything it's just sort of a temporary sense of of what the whole thing it's it's uh it has a very specific aesthetic associated with it because it's a it's not your typical psychology textbook though we could say that and uh the chapter that you're getting uh won't won't particularly be substantive it's uh it's sort of an art an artist atmospheric yeah Spirit chapter uh but you'll but you'll understand then what this book is about yeah all right yeah all right so yeah that should come out in the next I would say the next week or so we're we're just horrible we're uh you know font shopping yes all right okay so with that uh the usual stuff applies we've got the Q a section which is the main thing that we will be looking at here um if you guys ask things in the chat I we don't always necessarily see them the the idea is to prioritize the cue the the cues in the Q a section which are subject to upvoting so if you want to take a look at those and upload the ones that you want to see us answer first and those are the ones that we will most likely get to so um unless we have any other pressing ones that have been urgently sent to us I don't think I have any this week do you nope not at all nope okay so the first one we have is very straightforward what are daddy issues um they're I think what we're I I'm just gonna uh yeah totally yeah I'm not sure what people are thinking there or what the world is thinking there or where this derives from undoubtedly there's something some passages in in Freud where he's going to talk about what whatever he that he's thinking uh what you're really talking about is the the female is designed by nature to um uh to actually if you think this is not just humans this is a a you know a trans species worldwide biological phenomenon that the female of course is designed by nature to attempt to get the the most resources possible um essentially per sex act okay so uh in a famous statistic a friend of ours made up no I'm sure our regular listeners can and determine which friend of ours this is our our friend came up with the stat one day he said Hey listen Doug it's all about cpsa and I said I want to say I completely I I disavowed this entirely I have nothing to do with this concept I I find it offensive let's just be on the record but go ahead explain the cpsa cbsa is cost for sex act and you can imagine that of course what evolution has done is the female is designed to opt you know essentially maximize cost per sex act and the males minimum designed to minimize cost for success and so the uh and obviously sex act itself is not a constant because it depends upon how attractive the female is spent about how attractive the male is it all it's a swirling cauldron of variables in here but nevertheless the concept of cpsa is legitimate uh Larry named it of course yeah it's been it's been openly discussed as a principal certainly an evolutionary psychology so you can imagine that quote daddy issues are going to be associated with that there are uh there are females who in the normal course of events the what is a typical worldwide process for females is to be uh ideally they would select mates that are a little bit older than they are now I I have a theory that that I don't think anyone else has articulated is best that I can remember in the reading that I've done in the subject but I think I know the reason why and I think the reason has to do with what I'm going to call the admiration gradient so if uh if a male and female are together uh the the female wants to be in a position where the guy is right 70 of the time when they disagree uh you you want to be in that position because this guy is going to have has two things uh that put his thumb on the scale uh with respect to decision making for for the two of you and that is number one he is he can he has less to lose when it comes to abandoning the relationship with you and your screaming little 18 month old child or your big pregnant belly in other words he can just leave okay so he's not as heavily invested per pregnancy it's not even close so therefore he can opt out of the whole thing with less expense than you can so that's number one number two he's bigger and stronger and he can impose his will potentially so those two things uh make it the case that if you're in a relationship with a male you want to be in a situation where if the two of you are arguing he's actually usually right if he's not usually right there's going to be a problem and that problem is you're not going to admire him as much you're going to feel like oh God you're going to have a disgust reaction and that's going to happen with conflict after conflict you imagine that that this guy's 20 IQ points less than you and and you're you're in this thing and he was cute whatever now you're gonna find out over and over again he's disgusting you because you're having to go to the tremendous expense and risk of trying to convince him that his decision making is wrong and he's going to be all bent uh I.E you're in conflict over what what you think the right thing to do is forget the fairness issue just should we go east or west and you're like well it's very clear we should go west he goes well I really think we should go east that's like geez do we have to go through this again and so you know it's uh it's like it's like arguing with somebody that thinks that that's mandate's a good idea it's like it's just incredibly present s I just I have visions of these clips being taken out of context and going viral and it's like that's all right at least somebody might be listening to us for a little bit no it's true it's true we have some questions about that too so yeah it's the point is is that if you're in that situation you're not uh looking up and if you're not looking up then you're gonna start defending your sexuality okay you're gonna be like hey this is not a good situation for me so the uh you can so you can imagine an evolution the the male is no smarter than the female they have they have slightly different circuitry so they have specialized capabilities which if two of them have equal intelligence come together they're actually a complementary uh set of designs there that is useful okay and so all things being equal if they're dead even that's okay however remember we don't want debt even we want 70 30 male right well how are we going to do that the answer is he's going to be five years older than you if he's 25 and you're 20 if he's lived five more adult years than you then his he's got a better database to the world so all Intelligence being equal he's actually effectively a little bit smarter and so as a result you'll feel the admiration and you won't feel that essentially disastrous feeling of [ __ ] we're gonna have to do it his way but he's wrong he's gonna get us all killed because he's gonna get us all killed and so this is Daddy Issues are going to come from a more extreme version of that it's like hey I'm 20 he's 40. he's a lot more knowledgeable he's a lot more resourceful in fact he's a hell of a lot more knowledgeable and resourceful than the 25 year old that I could pick so you can imagine a bell curve of female sensitivity to this particular topic just like there's a bell curve to this strength and type of males or their assertiveness or their athleticism or their ability to dance or how well they articulate or or anything or how well they paint in other words the female brain is looking for all kinds of Fitness indicators and each individual female has her own particular Suites or genes that make her more or less sensitive to variances on a given set of Fitness indicators so you can see that this particular feeling of rocking your head back and looking up for some females it's like wow I want that guy a foot taller than me that's one way to feel admiring or I want him three times my strength that's another way to feel admiring well another way to feel admiring is he's 20 years older than you and he knows everything compared to you and so now now you're like wow do I like that feeling of you know he's he's white all the time and he's got the resources so that's quote daddy issues and uh that's where that's coming from yeah I mean the the resources are usually explained as the the sum total of this question like oh well women just admire older men because they've had more time to accumulate more stuff more money can provide for them more effectively and I think that is something you'll see in the EP literature a lot like well obviously that's they're going to be drawn to that but this it really is more nuanced it's it's there are some of course women who are are motivated in that way um but the admiration piece is huge because yeah why are you keeping him around if he can't solve problems better than you can he's he's very costly otherwise um and uh and it's absolutely gonna ding the admirationship and that just submarines the whole relationship yeah yeah all good yeah very tough question I'm glad it's in there yeah man that's actually tripped over that specific one that's good yeah awesome all right so this one uh a question so we have a couple of kind of vaccination questions um regarding dealing with social pressure here in Germany we're being bombarded from the media that the unvaccinated people are responsible for the higher numbers than they and and they deserve a lockdown just for them the pressure is very high and for a while the government has been threatening that the the 2G will be applied that means that only vaccinated people are people that have been healed can visit public spaces like restaurants theaters Etc I get pressure from my boyfriend's family as well because they believe everything they see in here on the news one more thing I've been doing professional development for the last year I was working as a sales manager in tourism for many years and now I'm finished with those studies and can start applying for a new job not in tourism I'm afraid that even though the companies do not have the right to ask if I'm vaccinated they they will still ask I can say that's none of their business but at the end of the day they can make their decision upon my answer I had thrombosis after a vaccine when I was 25 and now I'm really afraid to get the coveted vaccine I'm a healthy 36 six years young Whole Food vegan for seven years rarely have a cold never had the flu if I get the vaccine it will only be because of social pressure and that makes me feel small and Powerless but also afraid of the effects that it can have on my health please help what's going on I'm happy yeah for this and then you modify me your um your attitude should be to delay this as long as you can and it was literally as long as you can afford it um this is uh I think it comes from I don't know the Art of War or something it I think the one the job number one survive at all costs okay this this vaccine is problematic that is potentially extremely dangerous uh I'm saying this that I'm saying this potentially we already know it's lethal to a hell of a lot of people we also know that a hell of a lot of people have extremely serious potential you know uh permanent damage done to that we know that this is true this is happening to children for God's sakes so the um so you as you run the cost benefit it's a 36 year old healthy woman you would be insane to think that this is a good idea so what you're looking at is tyranny and you're you're looking at uh this is this looks an awful lot like Nazi Germany if you're a Jew you're the cause of trouble you're the cause of our financial troubles you are dirty you're bad you need to be isolated Etc it's like you're you're watching a replay and it's extraordinary that this is that this is taking place uh in the United States we are obviously we have far greater defenses to our freedom built into our constitution our institutions than you do in other places of the world yeah like the fifth circuit the fifth Circuit Court of appealth okay um so uh the point is is that that we're watching what we thought were nice free Pleasant democracies and really wonderful places to live you know Germany France Canada Australia New Zealand and a whole bunch of other places we're finding out oops they they were they had tremendous Achilles heels but they did not have the checks and balances uh that were designed by our forefathers and they are crumbling uh into into nazi-esque by now um you know you're not going to have uh you're not gonna it's not going to look like the Nazis you're not going to have people with guns Marching In the Streets going door to door grabbing unvaccinated people and taking them out putting them on a train now you're not going to have that but you will have them potentially have their property taken from them because they can't get a job and so therefore they can't make their payments and et cetera et cetera who knows like we we don't they can't pay Their fines for not being vaccinated as in Australia um so there are Provisions for property seizure I don't know if that's actually really happened but that's certainly been talked about yeah yeah you're watching you're actually watching a technocratic totalitarian takeover around the world this is the insanity and so uh it's Insanity from the standpoint of three people looking at Freedom as as the ideal about is that people should look together the Civil Society we're not looking at anything that's insane relative to the history of the world the history of the world has typically been vast majority of people for all time have lived under tyrannical regimes so we're watching The Rebirth of that uh from within what we thought were modern Freedom loving democracies my attitude towards this questioner is you survive at all costs in other words my attitude is is that the hell with what anybody thinks of you and shunning and all that the question is do they put a Bend to your head okay did they take your last ability to make a living and survive you your job is to look at this don't think that you're facing five years you're not you're we're facing months here okay maybe a year we don't know what we're facing in terms of just how oppressive and absurd uh uh this is going to continue we don't know what it's going to look like in any given country but if you've got savings or you've got parents okay you've got somewhere where you can just be a little quiet little Citizen and nobody is really doing anything to you they're not finding you in some astronomical way where they're going to do something terrible and wreck your uh Financial picture for your future no all that's going on is that you're getting shamed by your in-laws it's like what the hell with that I don't give a [ __ ] okay uh when they fall apart and they die they have they have their cancer re-emerged because they're uh because their treatment no longer works because their immune system is now compromise whatever it's like I don't wish any ill on any of the the people who have been duped into thinking that this is a good idea me personally I didn't know if it was a good idea or not and so my official position remains it's an interesting option but I think we now know we've got plenty of evidence to know that if you're under 50 years old this is a terrible idea there's no the cost benefit is clearly against it if you are over 65 hey who knows I don't know yet and neither does anybody else okay we won't know for several years because we we aren't going to have long-term outcome data which incidentally we find out that that Pfizer actively uh basically they very very systematically and aggressively uh made sure that the data was distorted badly in their in their original safety trials so we'd have no idea what the cost benefit is to the stock and so when you don't know the cost benefit to something then you know your your best move is to sit tight and that's that's what I would do you know if you had to you know it's it's uh it's it's one thing if you're scared like the CV that I've had to run on this thing has been for my 88 year old mother it's like okay I have to really think about that you know how much value is the vaccine as we watch it plummet because it doesn't work with the Delta variant anyway but the point is is that there is a time and place where that CV look like you know I didn't I didn't want to be cavalierly you know sort of docked or near to some Theory there is no Theory the theory here is what what is the scientific evidence tell us and when you don't know probably the best thing to do is to avoid the whole thing as much as you can so that that's what I'm thinking so I would tell you uh you know until they not lock you up put a gun to your head or or essentially destroy your financial future then I would stay away from this thing like to play that would be my thinking that seemed reasonable to you Jim yeah um I in managing the social pressure can feel intense for agreeables I understand that um and it's just it's it's the the cost that must be paid for if this is a important value for you and I I think you know we don't want to overstate that I don't think there's any evidence in the other direction the vaccines are actively dangerous for everyone who takes them so I don't necessarily expect everybody to be you know having delayed problems down the line some percentage of them look like they're going to from what we're already seeing um and it's it it feels very Russian roulette-esque and what we do know is that they've lied to us about their safety studies they've lied they're pharmaceutical companies they're they're doing what pharmaceutical companies do I don't know why we would expect anything different um and that combined with the the sort of coercive state power behind the whole thing it's it's just it's all disturbing on many many levels that we've discussed at length them Hawk blocked and elsewhere um and the social pressure is the the biggest problem for a lot of people I would say the in-laws in-laws are meant to [ __ ] about things and to judge you that's kind of their job in life and so just rolling with that as much as you can um there's really not much else to be done there apart from kind of repeating this line to them like hey I just it just doesn't feel right I just I don't I'm not I'm not in a position I I will I will do everything interpersonally to keep you safe to help you feel safe I'm not gonna if you believe that as an unvaccinated person I put you at increased risk then I won't come visit you you know I won't be in a room with you like be willing to make like meet them um with those those behaviors and those changes Mo always kind of decides to barf when we're doing this um for the work thing for the job search I don't know what the situation is in Germany I know in the U.S it's it's very there's a lot about this particular political historical moment that reminds me of um kind of like like post Weimar Germany right right before everything goes to hell sort of this Post in Imperial uh blossoming of social activity and their their whole books written about this and political science about sort of the this moment this this post post Weimar pre-nazi moment of of um great civil society and activity and um uh flowering of Art and music and all of these things and there are in the U.S at least um a lot of you can find people whether it's on Twitter or Reddit or um you know what other whatever else you know there's all kinds of alternative social media these days where there are boards um saying hey I'm hiring unvaccinated people I want to specifically I I employ X number of people and mandates their BS and so if you need a job apply with me and you'll essentially be favored in my hiring calculus so I don't know if that exists in um in Germany as well I know you guys have much greater restrictions on social media activity and what constitutes problematic speech um hours are bad enough but I know Germany's can be pretty severe um but you might start looking if it's possible for you to relocate if it's possible for you to relocate for a while I don't know but these are the things you start to think about um when you're defending a set of choices that are incompatible with the the tide of History so um I would just look into that and see if that's possible because you're you're exactly right I mean even if they aren't legally allowed to ask they're likely to ask or they're going to ask in a roundabout sort of way and even being sort of secretive and cagey about it is going to be a flag to a lot of hiring managers yeah this is kind of that feeling that you have we've all been in situations where you've got an umbrella and suddenly it starts to rain really hard okay I mean it's pounding on it it wasn't moderate rain and then it's like really hard and you're thinking man if I was out in this right now for two seconds I would be absolutely drenched and that's what this is you know looking like so this is the super hard rain and uh but you just sit you know sit on under whatever umbrella you can find and just survive it okay the um yeah I I think the obviously I have a lot of friends and a lot I know a lot of people who have knuckled under the pressure and have taken the vaccine and the notion is is that hey you probably got away with it okay this is not you know it's not like everybody's doomed it's not you know a death shot no you probably got away with it but some percentage of people won't and they're right out there right now probably in the group listening to us there's some 40 year old person that that knuckle under this vaccine who's going to have some permanent disability as a result of that and didn't need it to defend themselves against covet and so they uh and and the only reason they did it was an a tremendous Echo chamber uh from both friends family doctor and the media telling them no this is you know the right thing it's the right thing it's the right thing it's like no the right thing is to delay delay delay delay delay that's the right thing so the right thing is let's find out what this entire cost benefit equation looks like and that cost benefit equation is going to take it five years in the making a meanwhile you know just keep yourself healthy that's for you yeah it's very very important um yeah read read the bmj article about the protectiveness of a plant-based diet like they're just you know there's no it's not a Panacea but there is evidence of all kinds of protective factors many of which are just inherent in a healthy Whole Food plant-based diet the high vitamin C and you know other other factors so um yeah I uh somebody in the chat is saying where's the evidence that vaccines are dangerous where do you find that they lied to us um I try to sort out the misinformation from the truth I I don't know that there's any definitive Source I could point you to um Peter McCullough would be the first place I would go um for the and Robert Malone too although he he is subject to more kind of um partisan criticism uh he doesn't quite have the pedigree that Mccalla does um I mean he does he's but I think there's been a lot of uh you know Malone's claims to be a co-inventor of the technology or are consistently under attack and there's a lot of dispute about that um McCullough nobody is disputing that McCullough is like the most widely published cardiologist I mean he's he I think he trained under Joel Khan who's one of our um our plant-based circle of doctors um and he's just I I he came to this kind of as a result of direct Work Direct clinical work um and sort of trying to make sense of why are we not approaching this clinically first like why is everything so vaccine oriented um and it's be you know you follow the money this is sort of like that's that's the way these institutions think they're very sort of uh vaccines have a much uh bigger profit motive associated with them than than treating things before they get bad or prophylactically so whether that's with Ivermectin which of course is its own kind of you know stew of of issues and and contestations but just any kind of um early treatment has has really been lost in the process and as a practicing doctor my college was like what the what the f you know like why are we not putting everything into early treatment and sharing ideas as medical professionals back and forth to try to figure out what can we do for actual patients who are coming to us who are sick rather than going all in on vaccines and mandates that don't look like they're working that well um so he speaks very eloquently and um comprehensively about this so he would be my My First Source that I would Point people to who are really looking to make sense of things um but if you look at if you look at Malone get on his Twitter he will he is a good resource for letting you know when something's been published and so there's he's very good yes as is Alex Berenson who again is sort of uh problematic from a partisan perspective and much maligned uh I I uh it doesn't mean he doesn't offer things of Great Value which he does banned from Twitter but he has a sub stack which is free to subscribe to um and you can get most of what he'll send out there so um yeah we have we have other resources uh if you if you want to email us we can send you other specific things so but in general to your question there's all kinds of evidence for danger behind the vaccine okay it's not even close there is a there there are enormous problems there are enormous risks uh with this vaccine that are that are cat you know just they are cataclysmic relative to any other vaccination program in you know in American history so that's the thing I mean even with what is what is non-uh controversial like that you know what everybody would agree with the risk profiles including the FDA with myocarditis and everything else like they these are more dangerous than any other vaccine that would ever be allowed to to be under an emergency use authorization or anything else and so you know that's just the very minimal Baseline of what is agreed upon as far as the risk profile especially for um young people and young men in particular adolescent boys are I the the the profile on taking this just I I can't see how anyone could come down on the side if this makes sense for my teenage son um and and so uh and other risk groups depending on your situation there there's just there's a lot to look at here with your CV that is not communicated to you by CNN yeah yeah why the high rabbitical port in New York uh listening to testimony um has it has uh completely I like to say even dramatically awarded this I think it's completely forbidden uh to to give this vaccine to your children uh reporting it so that it was this this is now they're talking about babies the latest I'm hearing about is they're seeking seeking permission to to vaccinate babies it's it's Insanity it's just a it's just profit it's pure pure profit it's it's disgusting yeah so that's uh just FYI you know that's uh that that very same the the very same rabbinical systems we're thinking three months ago no you need to do whatever's right even if you're against it you need to do what's right for your kids Etc the uh now total reversal it's like now based on the existing evidence they have said this is completely forbidden as far as they're concerned uh that's that's uh the ruling from the highway all right I will add one one more thing um which we've talked about on hot blocks but I don't know if I've ever made this point explicitly but I think it's really important which is that you know there there is very little you and I are in a position where we hear directly from people people about their stories of vaccine injury and I I have heard several stories um some quite uh quite harrowing stories of peoples whose lives are just completely transformed and I I know you have as well um and I think most people who are in any kind of position where they are directly talking to people and hearing about what they're going through they start to accumulate they start to like improve their algorithm of this is happening more than I would expect it to based on the number of people that I'm talking to so this is like human nature your your pattern seeking you're trying to build an algorithm and and make these correlations and decide how how unusual is this how you know based on the number of people who have come through my house in the past couple of weeks how many of them have stories like this and then you're starting to update your understanding of the world and the way we do this in the modern environment is through the media so we we kind of rely on the media to tell us um what's going on out there and these stories of vaccine injury are actively suppressed by the mainstream media we just that I don't think that's disputable um in any attempt to consolidate them whether it's a Facebook group or a Reddit group or a any any kind of social anybody trying to use social media to engage in that Enterprise if I have a story I want to find other people let's share our stories let's make them public those are banned left and right like crazy and so very few people unless they're they're really talking to their Network very widely and getting a sense of you know honest reporting from everybody that they know uh they're they're not getting an accurate perspective and and so unless you're talking to a really wide cross-section of people which you and I both do and so we have that perspective which a lot of people don't um and if you were if you were trusting uh primary media sources that that have fact Checkers on staff you're probably not getting the full story of people who have stories to tell about this and of course some some of them you know there's some percentage of the stories which are coincidence they are um they're anecdotes that don't really mean anything but the human brain is designed to sort that out over time you collect enough data and you're like okay it might have been a coincidence when I heard five of them but when I've heard 20 of them after talking to 25 people like I'm not suggesting that it's that high but this is the process this is what we go through and we are being deprived of that um that sort of truth-seeking mechanism that is innate to us because our media environment is so distorted so so I'm just throwing that out there so people are aware that that is part of the whole thing here and and part of why we feel very differently than um a lot of other people might yeah yeah all good perfect rant complete okay um oh that email that you were uh listing Velma that should work uh I let me I'll type another one in here when we get into the next question so um okay so the next question this is total change of subject um my partner and I have been together for 15 years we're in a good stable place in our relationship I would love for things to be even better I remember Doug mentioning a few weeks ago a strategy called Golden play could you please explain this a bit further and how we could use it to move our relationship to the next level um I don't remember talking about that recently did you mention it recently let's see well I think what we're talking about here is we're talking about um that so you go and play is something that's going to emerge uh out of the two personalities in a relationship uh more than something that that you do in other words it's a um it's an emerging quality of a of a personality equilibrium yeah so the that doesn't mean that there isn't a that there that what sits underneath of air is a prescription for when we're in conflict so when we're in Conflict a lot of times what happens is is that that uh when conflicts are are serious and problematic uh or the relationships threatened in some way a lot oftentimes what happens is partner one uh feels essentially not sufficiently valued but as a result of the conflict so for example hey I mean it could be something like you know we plan to take a trip to Cancun and then the partner backs out and says you know no actually I want to play on a golf trip you know with my buddies that weekend in other words that's a that that is a signal that you're not that valuable okay well very very often when that happens that will result in a retaliatory action and the Retaliator reaction and um Can can be for uh finding ways to then attack the the other party in the signal to them well if I'm not that valuable to you you're not that valuable to me and so this is this will spin this relationship into a vicious cycle and uh the Vicious Cycle can be subtle uh and there can but what happens is is that the relationship becomes um essentially it moves towards a zero-sum process so I'm in what's good for me you're in what's good for you and whatever in other words so that is a so we move the the relationship um the uh most like almost all business relationships are um have a zero-sum aspect to them in other words there's a not zero stem isn't quite right but there's a finite amount of upside to it and that is that what's good for me you know I fix your kitchen you pay me twenty two thousand dollars for the work I want you to be happy with it so you don't [ __ ] to the Village about that I'm lousy but at the same time I want I.E like cpsa I want the most amount of money that I can get for the least amount of work it's the same underlying energy conserving algorithm that sits inside the system so there comes a point where uh there's an Optum Optimum point in in theory it's at that price versus Services exchange and if the free market drives us towards a perfect equilibrium those two people Trading have optimized uh everybody's best best interest right in the middle of the graph nobody took advantage of anybody else both of them benefited from the trade process okay now except that we can see at that moment it becomes Zero Sum because if I'm the contractor and I can I can get a little bit more money than would have been Optimum than you it's costing you you could have replaced me with someone better had there was a better choice in the marketplace so you can see that if I if I got another thousand dollars out of you you paid a thousand dollars more for what could have emerged in the marketplace you know exactly the same so at that point it is becoming zero sum and the truth is there's really not too much about this situation that wouldn't cause me to want to push zero sum as hard as I could it's even better for me if I can get four thousand dollars extra out of you okay so the all up to the point where it starts costing me reputationally and then we wind up in court so the so there's a zero sum aspect here now of course uh what makes uh romantic relationships special and and some other relationships but is specifically romantic relationships is that that um you're under ideal conditions your that person is so damn valuable and so interesting that literally their Joy causes your joy to happen uh through your mirror neurons and uh and so as a result the golden play is that it's kind of like well where do you want to go to dinner and the answer is where I want to go to dinner is whatever makes you happiest because the variance to me about whether we go to Chinese food Japanese food or Italian food that I have a preference in there uh but it's not as big as what would be important to make you happy now we wind up in an interesting situation so that's uh that's that's a golden play situation and that that can emerge out of two personalities but you can see that if the relationship is sufficiently conflicted and it doesn't quite reach doesn't reach that kind of a process then it's much closer it starts looking more like zero sum okay so you can see why golden play doesn't in at its extreme doesn't have zero sum it's The Gift of the Magi it's like listen the only thing that matters to me is to make you extremely happy if that happens my that's just extremely happy as I can get that that is the that's the theoretical Optimum point that you wind up in Romeo and Juliet or whatever the hell it is in other words sort of that that problematic example but bad example no but it's I'm looking for the the in other words it's the it's the theoretical point on a graph where uh if if your happiness is so important to me then the most important to me thing is that now so the value of sort of understanding that principle is that we can also see how dangerous it is if if something starts to go sideways and now we start moving towards zero sum we start losing the the residual upside of how golden that relationship can be and so that's when you know that's when we have to get uh that's when you can personally it only takes one person to know the trick which is that the trick is to look at your instincts that are actually making you or dictating to you that this appears to be your best move is to Chisel okay this is the chiseling chip so it looks like the best move oh you just insulted me uh you didn't even know you did it but you just signaled to me that my happiness isn't that valuable to you well in that case I'm going to dial back my efforts towards you five percent and see if I can keep what I'm gonna get anyway okay and so that signal you know you can't keep that under the radar the other person will hear it and sniff it as they see that you've dialed back your your uh efforts towards their towards trading what you trade with them by five percent now they're going to trade down and they're gonna chisel you five percent and now we have a vicious cycle that may wind up at some equilibrium in a relationship that it's a lower equilibrium than it was before uh the solution to that is if we see that happening is to go this is beat your gins okay so this is now okay uh the way we can beat our genes in situations where we are heavily resistant to doing it is to consider that we are doing it on a Time limited basis so I remember telling one woman who is getting chiseled and was chiseling back and all pissed off about it I said listen go against your instincts you do this you do that you do you essentially pour your resources on top of this guy for a Time limited thing and you see what happens because then the hope would be that it would reverse a vicious cycle and move it towards a golden play type of situation it turned out after a couple of weeks you know that's all she had in her she's burned out and pissed off we find out years later there was a reason and that was the husband had been actually engaged in a very very very long-term Affair and so he that was not known at the time when we were plotting this out and so you know that was then you know that that explained why it is that her you know two-week takes us quite a bit yeah he was really trying to pour on this guy signaling to him in every way that his happiness was super important to her and after two weeks the feedback was you know what I'm just freaking disgusted and I can't do it anymore and and then you know it might not have been that we have this other thing going on it just might have been there the nature of their relationship Dynamics but it turns out lo and behold you know eight years later we find out oh there's been this thing's been rotten at its core for 20 years and didn't know it so there you go so that's uh the prescription is you feel yourself started to tighten up in one chisel and retaliate that's exactly the time to grit your teeth and go for a limited period of time absolutely against instinct okay you go against Instinct and see if you can break apart a vicious cycle this uh this is this would be the key to stopping nuclear Wars you know really important diplomacy everything in other words you see that negotiations starting to Chisel into a vicious cycle uh uh Zero Sum and now what you have to do is grit your teeth and go the other way and risk the vulnerability that you will be exploited but understand that that exploitation is under your own hands and it's time limited while you essentially see if this thing could be rescued and put it a better respect all make sense yeah yeah when we were first starting to talk about this I was I was chasing around two different ideas from two different like I had these two really powerful insights that I had come across and was I was trying to kind of fuse them and one was um gay Hendricks observation that virtually every conflict in a relationship is is somebody trying to or both parties trying to insist that they are the more wronged party so so a lot of this chiseling comes out of this like you don't understand I have been more wronged than you than you comprehend you think you're more wronged but actually I'm more wronged and so I'm gonna sulk about it I'm gonna retaliate about it I'm gonna act out in all sorts of ways about it um and I think that is virtually almost always true if you if you peel the onion of a conflict enough you're going to find an imbalance of the the perception of of you know like I I'm trying to make it right through my actions here in some sort of Twisted way um and you're not understanding what I'm trying to is why people think they have communication issues they're they're trying to communicate this this disproportional sense of wrongedness so there was that and then I was rereading um radical honesty by by Brad Blanton who uh who is like every every problem in the world is from lying you know everything that is wrong in the in the universe is because we were constantly lying we're constantly deceiving we're constantly uh misleading ourselves and each other so you know the the case of your of your client who is actually being cheated on the whole time you've got this big deception sitting right in the middle of of that um and so all of the golden play in the world is is not going to get past something where somebody is so defending this deception which is contributing to their sense of being wronged um and everything just goes completely Haywire so I think in order for this to work in order to deploy true golden play in a dynamic you need to have the personalities that are kind of wired for it to begin with and you need to have a mutual commitment to radical honesty or as close as you can get to it um and and so you're not trying to you're not trying to balance some kind of and this is tough because you know when the other person when you want to make the other person happy before yourself and they want to go to Japanese food and you want Italian food um you not articulating that you do feel sort of a little bit resentful about that is in in essence kind of deceiving them and I'm holding a secret from them and those things can compound over time so it's it's this weird balance of finding openness and disclosure in the relationship along with uh the other person sort of being trained along with that to not not take it too personally and to and to still experience happiness even if it's not your preference and when it's a true golden Dynamic that can be really tricky to navigate so it's not we're not saying that it's easy um but that it is aspirational and just taking the steps to make these changes in your relationship and the kind of terms of it are useful and worthwhile in their own right I think so and so I love the technique again from John gottman see we borrow from other people we're not total total academic narcissists here um but I love I love gottman's um uh kind of State of the Union talk whether it's whether it's weekly or monthly um where you really create a designated space to talk about very very rigorously honestly what's going on and where you're holding some resentment and to just kind of clear those things before they become hugely problematic so so yep all good we could have more to say on that but we'll we'll wait for we're on track to actually get through all of our questions so I don't want to let go of the the Golden Ring here um I will there is a very similar question to the vaccination question we already answered from Joel so I'm just gonna dismiss that one because I think we did um kind of talk about the the suck it up and get the vaccine versus leaving the company I think we covered that so um which means the next one is this is interesting so I need help mathematizing my misery I'm five months away from moving out of very unsatisfactory dwellings and my mental health is on the brink I am trying my hardest to save money at the same time and I am planning to just White Knuckle this thing in the same way that on a long-haul flight I decided to sit it out no movies no movies or anything and count down the hours until I can enjoy myself again that sounds terrible I think distraction is your best friend on the long flight this might seem like a terrible approach to get through another hard winter with seasonal affective disorder and everything do you have any advice for making the last part of a difficult waiting period more bearable well I would have a lot to say about that and um I would say that you know at my age and and one of the most important things that I'm cognizant of is the the limits of the length of my life yeah it seems strange to me because I seem completely perfectly healthy it's still physically competent but it's amazing for me to realize it's three quarters of the way over that's like wow that is a that is that's a creepy feeling and when I contemplate that which I do fairly often uh it keeps reminding me don't waste the hours because you're not going to get them back okay they're gone uh it I have a little feeling of a slight feeling of guilt and self-disgust at the hours that I squandered uh already the it's like okay then you know it didn't hurt me any but boy I didn't I didn't always make the most of it I I I made some poor decisions I sat around talking to people for two hours on some situation that I had no interest in being there I agreed to go to something I sure as hell didn't want to go okay um so there's been I've spent time doing things I've spent some time just doing some things that weren't very pleasant but you know I was broke and I needed to do it and so therefore what the hell that was just a trade and constraint and you know you're you're that that's just part of the life journey is try to put yourself in a position where you can spend as many hours as possible doing things you want to be doing with people you want to be doing them with so I would look at a situation like this that you've got five months you've got 150 days hey we're not here to endure it there's all kinds of ways to find valuable Joy interest Improvement progress Etc but you can't stand the people go to your public library and sit down with you know I don't know Shakespeare or or you know a uh The Art of War or whatever the hell it is there's the the world is and wide open to your curiosity okay the uh you don't want to spend time in that unpleasant situation because there's a bunch of people there at night and they stink and they do stupid things and it's disgusting and they're noisy fine join a bowling team okay and hang out there from seven to ten in other words fill the hours with you know your living situation hopefully you're not there 24 7 if you are oh well okay so that doesn't mean that you have to be stuck in there unless you're in Australia and you're they're you know essentially they're welding you into your apartment okay the uh but the point is is that your you have tremendous control unless you're literally under a totalitarian dictatorship to move this body and take this mind everywhere okay it's all kinds of things to do you can do it from your room you can put your headphones on and watch Casablanca for the first time if you've never watched it Etc so to my feeling is I feel like there is no end of things that I want to do on this Earth and I'm not going to get to them all okay it's a little frustrating it's like yeah it's not hugely frustrating but it's a little frustrating you know I mean never visit Alexandria okay so the uh there's going to be it's going to be all kinds of things that I'll probably never go down the Amazon in some kind of a nice safe boat and see it probably won't do it okay uh the uh so there's all kinds of things I won't get to but but the so the point is is that there's all kinds of things to do uh there there have been brilliant interesting creative people that have left their Works uh out there for us to uh to absorb so if you're like I have a friend of mine you know this this is uh this is Larry's wife Cheryl who who uh wanted to commit a crime and be put in prison for 10 years so that she didn't have to uh do uh you know work for food or or uh board so that she could read because oh my God it's a scholar okay and she she wanted to just read the world's literature and would never have time to do it because she'd always have to be making a living so think about that when you look at the hours in front of you uh the this this is an easily managed problem with the shift in attitude that you have the opportunity to live in the next five months where you are healthy or you're mentally confident and there's tremendous opportunity for you to learn and grow and experience the fact that you've got some unpleasant situations with respect to where you're living shouldn't be relevant your job is to attack this problem with with the with the uh that what what that with a sense of excitement and responsibility that you your these next five months are largely what you make of it and uh and that what you make of it has huge potential we just have to look at it from that perspective yeah yeah I think uh there is great value in mathematizing it because it helps you kind of put a little container around it and see what you're dealing with um but I I think having some kind of project that you're going to break those days up and and do one thing a day you're basically communicating to your nervous system that you're in some kind of uh advancing um improvement process you're you're you're going to be better off at the end of this than you are now whether that's because you've read 300 books or you know whatever it is however you define that for yourself if you're trying to improve your health this is a really good opportunity to do it if you're trying to learn some new skill this is a really good opportunity to do it so um I I always I relate to Cheryl's example because I I very I have always um wanted to kind of pull a throw and move off to a cabin in the woods and just read read great books and was always really inspired that Joseph Campbell did that Joseph Campbell took a year um and cut himself off from society and went and read all the great books and so I have at various points when I've had moments of time like this I've gone to uh St John's College which has their great books curriculum which is online you can get the syllabus and just start work your work your way through it read The Odyssey if you've never read The Odyssey you know read um read all of these these great Classics and they sort of have an Eastern and a western curriculum you could merge them together however you want um so uh which is which is very useful in all perspective of all suffering and uh your humanity and how short a Time Life is someone in the in the comments here is saying another way to think about a hundred thousand hours is four thousand weeks and it would actually be less than that I think that's a that's a lifetime so a hundred thousand hours is really for most of the people who are listening to us at the point that they are now that's what you have left but really it's it's a lot fewer weeks than that I saw a calendar once that broke it down in two weeks with like um the little little circles representing the weeks and it's not many uh we and a week goes by very quickly so having this perspective using it in some sort of some sort of advancing process that improves your condition is is really important um the reading list is is St John's College uh has a they call it the great books curriculum so if you just Google that or you find the website for St John's they have the syllabus widely available um and that's that's the curriculum that's the whole process for students who go there uh as undergrads it's a very rigorous program uh very hard to get into and they are marched through these these texts and so the whole curriculum is that they all collectively at the same time read these great books of history and discuss them and it's you know builds upon I mean they're like reading original mathematical Theory and the original Aristotle and and not not in the Greek although I I think they are required to learn some ancient languages as well so it's pretty intense I was always I always had a chip that wanted to go there or teach there yeah yeah awesome okay well we are one minute over time and I will say to this other question Lindsay's asking about um suggestions to stop feeling regret I have a whole video on this on my YouTube channel I think it's um I think it's called you know how to how to work with regret or something like that so I talk about a lot of facets of it there um so I would just direct you to that unless there's anything you want to add quickly to that Doug because we are over time so yeah yep and then Barbara pointing out that yeah that you're you're gonna get uh you're gonna get some conflicting information about uh what constitutes Health misinformation and um what the statistics are depending on what you watch so yeah all right all right so we made it through the queue I'm proud of us [Laughter] I realized last time I can't actually access unless I grab it before I end the zoom session it doesn't show up in the files associated with the with the zoom recording so I have to act quickly if we have leftover questions or they're lost forever so uh we're in good shape this time all right is that all right I think that's it we're we're on time the technology worked it's just it's amazing we got you all those grand books beside behind you that just seemed it fits you that's right that's right this is my this is my fantasy Library I like it Mo the the sort of Mo sitting behind me comes through sometimes on the green screen effect so awesome all right well I will I will see you in a bit and um you guys will we'll see you in a couple of weeks for the next one and you we'll we'll send out the chapter before the next time we talk I'm sure all right very good Dan great to see you yes you too have a good one hi everyone bye
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