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Episode 94: Dating on a diet, Painful memories, jealousy, working long hours
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all right good evening everybody it's Nate G along with dr. Doug Lyall to beat your genes podcast we broadcast live every Wednesday 8:30 p.m. Pacific Standard Time dr. Lisle how are you doing tonight good good good to hear your voice again excellent all right so last week we had a very interesting set of questions and had a good time answering some of those I'm sure you were dr. Lisle right dad I'm gonna remember I heard the sex will last well harassment stuff I remember yeah yes I think I remember that got it and then yeah so we ended the show with a question about how to you know what's the best way to know so what do you do with the high anxiety to know when it's time to get with the program and ah the best approach to this and so we ended the show with that question you answer the question beautifully as always and so we move on to the next few questions that we had last time neck and they have the first set of questions have to do with a eating a health promoting diet so we're trying to get right at right down to it dear dr. Lyle right we eating a Whole Foods plant-based healthy diet salt oil sugar-free diet for over for a couple years and some people have accused me of being orth or x'q and I'm starting to believe that they might be right after all I'm afraid of oil I'm afraid of processed foods I'm afraid of salt I'm afraid of pretty much everything that everybody eats I know that once I start on it I won't stop and will make me feel sick what are your thoughts I just know that I can't have that stuff or all binge or overeat and I'll feel awful about myself is that really that bad is that orthorexia and if it is or if it's not do you believe in the term orth or x''k okay first of all this person obviously highly conscientious really trying to do is perb job with respect to their diet I don't I don't believe that an SOS free plant whole plant diet is the only diet that is excellent I believe that it may be it may be the best thing or some combination very close some combinations of those things may be best but this but this person has did not come about this the reason I say this is that they didn't arrive here by accident there's been it's been a lot of reading a lot of thinking they've listened to a lot of people and this makes the most sense to them now it's also the case that they have identified a truth about about themselves which is that this is a struggle for them to stay on a very healthy diet if they include oil and other processed foods oil itself is obviously a processed food and so processed foods are not evil it's just that they have a there's a tendency for processed foods to be have an addictive like quality to them basically because because of the food processing they will hyper activate the dopamine pathway in many cases and so they can they can activate an addictive like pattern of behavior where people can have a great deal of time exercising restraint and in this case this person is not alone very many people if they eat I mean literally let's go back to the ads you know Lay's potato chips I'll bet you can't eat just one not only can you not eat just one you cannot stop yourself from finishing the whole sack so this is uh completely this is a completely reasonable on on my latest recipe with that that's why I always buy two bags [Laughter] one for a friend right so anyway this is not this is not a reasonable level of conscientiousness it's just an unusual level of conscientiousness now when when the person says I think they said they fear the food etc the I'm there there isn't anything to fear from processed food it's just that we know that it's a problem we know that it's a problem that once you get into it there's an addictive like process it can be difficult to get yourself out of it and essentially stay on a healthy path it can definitely be a pathway to contributing to excess weight etc etc so it's not going to close out your life and it's not going to be and some unmitigated disaster this isn't heroin addiction we're talking about but for an individual it can what we're looking at is it can take your life down from an 8 to a 6 and that's no small thing it may take your life down to the life of more average people that aren't this fastidious and that are walking around 30 pounds overweight and their skin isn't very good and they've got joint pain and they've got little creeping problems etc and that's just sort of how life is and that's what they do that isn't anything terrible to fear but at the same time it's not anything to emulate either and so this individual is doing is attempting to do a stellar job now other people will say you know some shrink my call this orthorexia kayi you've got you know overly sensitive about you know eating these foods and god forbid my friends and colleagues at the APA are going to start thinking that anybody that has a problem with a ham sandwich unless you're Jewish you know has something wrong with you now the truth of the matter is is that this is just this is just very high conscientiousness and now undoubtedly there are people that can get so concerned that every little scrap and morsel of their food and wondering if it's uh what do you call it organic and whether or not it's ever touched you know something that could be problematic you know this is you can get to the point where you're actually OCD to where there is the anxiety that's a ciated with any imperfections in your food can be dominating your life to the point where this is an unbelievable hassle at that point what you're looking at you're essentially looking at OCD about this issue what I'm hearing this person describe at this point doesn't rise to this level my friend Alan Goldhamer would just say this person is intelligent and has a lot of diligent undersides but that you might even invite them dinner or actually no I don't think so yeah only at your door the but the point is is that this isn't this isn't that reasonable it's just orthorexia I would say for me would get to the level of where people are obsessing about little tiny variances in the the content of what foods at the reading whether or not it's organic or not with pesticides whether or not a knife that may have touched some animal flesh and now in that restaurant we can't go there because it's not a vegan thing etc you can you can essentially overanalyze these risks but a person that is worried about eating processed food and try to stay on a healthy track and doesn't want to get into it and worries about defending themselves against those temptations that is not an unreasonable bunch of thinking it's just an unusual bunch of thinking and so you know I don't think that there's anything wrong with that all right like they want oh and okay so next question yeah this is from the same same person so I'm actually going on a first date and I'm apprehensive to tell the male that I'm a vegan and that I don't drink I'm afraid he'll think that I'm weird I'm a young social girl in her 20s and I go out to bars and whatnot I just really don't like drinking what should I do when he asks why I'm not drinking I don't want to scare him off okay well if you're if you're different you're different and the the truth is is that this person is different this is a very high conscientious young woman who who does not want to be fat sick and out of shape and have a bunch of associated health problems and psychological fallout from from not taking care of herself in the tip top fashion in addition she doesn't happen to be interested in drinking which is completely fine and the in email that would be turned off by the fact that you don't drink is kind of somebody that we're not interested in that's somebody that's not grown up enough to know that this is that there is no necessity of having a good time if you're not using alcohol the you can go to the bar you can hang with the people you can you can drink pineapple juice which is what I've done and others such things if anybody ever asked me why I don't drink I just tell them that I'm just never into it very simple we don't have to we don't have to make any case about it we we signal by being there and being laid-back about it that we are not being judgmental at all okay now my friend Alan Goldhamer that's their dr. Goldhamer Ali the guy who made the video how to get along without going along that's dr. Goldhamer oh no no that's it no that was me doing mitigating all of the collateral social damage done by Ellen no Alan would mince no words if anyone would cross-examine him about alcohol he'd say because I don't want to kill but your brain cells get sick and die the so this is this is there's different ways to handle this I would just I would do what I have done my whole life I have never done any drinking and from the time I was 16 years old I was at places where everybody else was drinking and as long as you have a smile and you're relaxed and you have something in your hand and you're not making any issue at all about what anybody else is doing then they pick up signals that you're not actually being judgmental which I would never was and and so as a result of that he cares more about your shape in your face than he cares about whether or not you're drinking so don't sweat it mm-hmm so the question along the same right we're a little bit about your personality but not a lot so along the same vein what about the people who cross examine you and and and give you feed you wrong information like oh you know you're looking like you're too skinny or are you sure are you sure this is going to be are you sure you're not taking this to an extreme etc etc etc yeah you just say you could be right I'm just going to see how it goes just completely blow it off the in other words we're going to give them we're going to acknowledge that they may have a point but yeah I think we're I'm just kind of seeing how this goes for a while you know I'll look at that later just kick it down the road the that's how we handle things there's nothing as effective as just kicking the can down the road and not dealing with it at the time it's a very effective method for dealing with all kinds of problems including that one okay all right what else don't I next question this is from one of our longtime listeners dear dr. Lyle thank you for your insight get right to the question why do the memories of wrongdoing done to us play constantly in the background of our thoughts well first of all they don't okay so i've had all kinds of things done wrong to me and i never think about them so this person is reporting on some an issue or a number of specifics that may rattle through their mind now the question is as to why this would happen the reason for the action of the mind at all is always cost-benefit analysis so the mind is running a cost-benefit analysis including on whether or not it's worth taking the time to ascend surely you utilize the brains work abilities to analyze circumstances that have taken place or analyze situations and see whether or not it is worth the energy to it to essentially improve the individuals likelihood of gene survival by using the energy in this fashion in terms of analyzing the person's you know the incidents where wrong has been done now the question would be why might that be true well the the first thing that comes to mind obviously is that we're designed by a nature to remember the perpetrator that that cheated us screwed us over treated us wrong etc so we're designed to not forget though that specific individual and essentially we were surprised and felt cheated or mistreated in some situation so we're going to try to analyze that person's motivation trying to understand whether or not this is a personality issue or this was a set of circumstances that arose to this conflict of interest and why it is that we were then treated in a way that surprised us so so there's two couple of things number one we never want to forget the perpetrator and because because if they did it to us once there's a very good chance that they could do is to us again and a good chance that they could do it to somebody that we care about again and so therefore we're going to find ourselves not only ruminating about them but also telling our important people or in our village all about the circumstances the individual what they did describe them name them etc etc okay so so we are warning our village as well as remembering ourselves so that we don't walk into the same type of trap twice with the same individual now the but along the lines of cost-benefit analysis of the energy expended on this analysis a big reason why there are sometimes unfinished from childhood could be from a divorce could be from adolescence could be from some time we got fired could you know etc some some romance that went sideways 15 years ago and there's something about it that still is sticking in our craw now let's talk about why this sometimes happens so this is seems to be the type of thing that has happened to the individual that asked this question the the reason why this can be true is that the brain cannot figure out why it happened so this is what I'm going to call an open loop now let's explain I'm going to explain why it is that the mind would sometimes devote an inordinate amount of energy over years to go back and continue to analyze some long doing that happen to us and keep keep turning it over in our mind first of all the last from the wrongdoing could not be trivial it had to be substantial or we would not be ruminating about it so we're not going to worry about the time when somebody screwed us out of 50 bucks that's not going to be the issue it will have been a much bigger less and even though we may have you know gone way past those losses in the future and those that loss is in the rearview mirror it's still bugging us why that loss happened because it was substantial at the time and the reason why we would ruminate over this is because there's something about the situation that we do not understand and if we do not understand it then we recognize intuitively that we're vulnerable in making the same mistake again there's some reason why it is we were in those circumstances we had the conflict of interest that we did and that circumstance is played out the way that they did and we wound up with a major loss question is why on earth did we wind up with that major loss so the mind goes back and does Monday morning quarterbacking it tries to think through why what were the set of decisions that gave rise to this and it will it will attempt to do this for a while and that it may fail to actually figure it out and it may just sort of assign this to some negative personality characteristics or the perpetrator but yet walks away with a vague sense of disquiet because the truth is is that it knew enough about the perpetrator to not believe that that was going to happen it's like you know your best friend you lent him a bunch of money you thought he was going to do right then he turns around and Sue's you for something it's like what happened there okay I didn't see that coming and the problem is is when I go back and look at it I believe that I would make the same mistake again because I don't see why this happened this is why people will ruminate about things so one of the one of the most exciting things in my career is I once in a while will have one of these so the Freudians think these things are everywhere and it all has to do with out you know deep problems of your childhood and unfinished business and all this kind of BS that's not true but there is once in a while where somebody really does ruminate about some problem and when they do ruminate about that problem what that is is an open loop okay and that open loop they essentially don't know how to solve the problem they still don't know how to solve the problem and they feel very vulnerable about walking into a very similar situation in the future and experiencing another loss because essentially they lost and they also lost the lesson they did not learn the lesson okay so the brain still will scan back over there every once in a while and say have we learned anything new about humans have we learned anything about that perpetrator and we learn anything about that kind of situation is there any new light we can shed on that ancient issue can we figure it out and when they can't do it it will grind on it for a little while and they'll go away from it for a while then they'll come back again now as I was going to say one of the most exciting things that I've done in my history as psychologist is I have sometimes cracked the mystery of some of these obsessions and in fact I've done it with fairly high percentage chance of success so I don't know how many of these have been brought to me maybe 20 and I've nailed a bunch of them and I'm looking I know what I'm looking for in other words I'm looking for a mistake in the person's analysis of the situation about how the loss took place why I took place what the factors were and I'm looking for the mistaken inferences that they could have made about the decisions that they were making at the time and so I stepped them through step by step I need to know very very carefully why they made each little part of the decision that they made as best they can remember and very often I will be able to find a thread of where the mistake was and when I'm able to find the mistake then I'm able to shed light on that mistake and then we can wind up with a significant breakthrough and then a resolution of this issue and then the rumination about this thing is gone so I think I roll yeah I pulled her motor number lady a long time ago with the rosacea and relation that I think the lady would be with the child who betrayed the train hit yes that's another one the I had I had another one where I had a person who had had been married to their high school their high school sweetheart thanks man and then in the mid 20s they broke up the sweetheart broke up with them and so that was hard on this on this young lady and 15 years later I'm speaking with her and she's now 40 and she knows that he's gone on and remarried has a couple of kids and lives 3,000 miles away and she really has not moved on and so she's still thinking of him all the time she dreams about him and she really can't get into any new relationships with anybody else just not really interested and this this goes on literally for 15 years and so I listen to this and I listen to the process of how the breakup and divorce took place they were very good friends the she was essentially completely confused as to why it is that she got dumped and she did not quite believe it didn't understand it and wasn't really sure 15 years later that he really meant it and it was really the way it really was in other words she didn't have closure on this and her brain kept spinning around and around in a circle confused about this and I told her you got to go see him and I said you you've got to close the loop and so she got in her car and she drove several thousand miles and she met him and within within minutes the loop was shut in other words she could see he had moved on they were in a different space she really was fine she said it was wonderful it was a great time they talked they had a nice talk and she walked away from there and was done so that that's an example of the the system had not achieved closure and for one reason or another by getting herself right in front of that of the individual involved was able to somehow compute all this and it all made sense and she was fine so that's the answer to the question of why do the memories replay and replay and replay the answer is because there's an open loop and the system believes that it is worth the energy to continue to run the analysis because it believes that there is genetic survival and reproductive gold sitting in that analysis and it's worth mining it ok so you you must mine it to close the loop and sometimes it helps to have somebody that those knows their way around the mines inside the mine and if you if you walk that walk with me we've got a shout shot at it if we walk it with Sigmund Freud or as followers you're in a lot of trouble all right let's move on all right we've got we've got a caller on hold so let's bring him on okay very good caller what's your name where are you calling from welcome to defeat your gene podcast doctor mile yes right so this is Jack from LA okay very good hey Jack um I I thought I would fire when ready yeah hey Jack okay what do you have any ideas what's at play between a soulful expressive musician or improviser and one that's technically there but doesn't have the genetic wha ah okay so let me ask this let me see if I get this straight so you're trying to get a feel for what's the difference between a very intuitive creative musician versus one that's just technically really sound and solid but doesn't seem to have that same level of creativity right right or Sokol or funky drummers or yeah what are a lyrical yeah what is that okay yeah well there there are actually two there's really there's really two two potential answers and the answers are number one there is either a difference in the myelin sheath that they have wrapped and therefore there's actually a difference in their level of skill and secondarily there's also a potential difference in their in their sheer genetic talent for this particular problem now the world we'll typically over estimate the the input from talent and it will underestimate the input from sheer hard work this is a this was beautifully explained in a book called the talent code by I believe I can't remember who wrote it I think a man named Coyne Daniel Coyne I think might be I can't remembers first name the but any rate but the issue is this so when you're seeing someone that has a smooth capability you could be looking at at someone who is genetically gifted and how that that came pretty easily to them or you could look at somebody who is unbelievably skilled as a result of a tremendous amount of repetition and the the world tends to think that it it just arrives in some people so when I have discussed this before I inevitably in fact what we're going to do is I'm going to walk people through this for people that have never heard it about the notion of talent ability skill and the myelin sheath now so I want you to think about I want you to picture that the nervous system is constructed in the following way and this is this is going to be the reason why I have a great deal of confidence and the answer that I'm giving you the I want you to think about the the nervous system is a bent essentially a set of wires and let's talk about what those wires do so we actually understand the construction of the human body and it's been the purpose of the mind within it the what what happens is that the minds job ultimately is to move the body that is its purpose the plant doesn't move where certain plants have a few stereotypical little movements that they make but they don't do anything remotely similar to what an animal does plants are not able to get up move around a landscape and adjust themselves in an infinite variety of fashions in the way that an animal can do now what an animal is doing so the job of the animal's brain is to coordinate those movements and the way it coordinates those movements is it actually needs to figure out what movements are going to be the most profitable genetically in other words it needs to know is to compute and guesstimate which movements will actually result in either increase likelihood of survival or the increased likelihood of reproduction or both ideally so sometimes you can't have both you have to increase your likelihood of reproduction and re at the expense of your survival so when a when a tight end in the National Football League and Super Bowl goes over the middle to catch an important pass his survival instincts are telling him you better peek and see whether or not that linebacker is anywhere around you while you reach up and expose your ribs to getting hit for the book you know to get the ball so his survival instincts are actually in competition with his reproductive instincts that desperately want him to catch this ball so that he can get a ring so that he can walk into every bar for the rest of his life and say my genes were at one point demonstrated that they were the best genes on earth and therefore you should sleep with me okay so he has that conflict inside of his head so not so the movements that the organism is attempting to orchestrate are actually a cost-benefit analysis of all of the survival and reproductive pluses and minuses that could be associated with the opportunities and threats that the organism is aware of at that particular moment now so the way the organism is is hooked up to the world is through the senses so the sensory system is essentially an input device so the eyes the ears the nose touch smell it's a taste these are the ways that information comes up into the system into the brain the brain then runs spectacularly complex analytics to try to come up with the answer the question what is the next best move that we can make that will optimize our gene survival ok which is the total cost benefit analysis of survival and reproductive values that are on the table for what the organism could do something about the organism then computes what it is that it should be best doing and in that computation it doesn't just have the ability to compute it doesn't have the ability just to sense it also has the ability to execute behavioral programs and so the behavioral programs are executed by patterns of nerve impulses that are sent to the motor strip of the brain they go down the motor strip down the spinal cord and they exit exit in the spinal nerves as the spinal nerves go out and they attach themselves to the muscles the muscles are then either contracted or relaxed in extremely sophisticated patterns that allow the organism to move in a coordinated fashion that is the organisms best guess for an idealized movement that moment maximizes the impact of its gene survival now a tremendous amount of those movements are natural to the organism there's already pathways from birth that actually have already encoded how the organism can move so it doesn't have to learn how to sneeze it already knows how to sneeze it doesn't have to learn how to smile it already knows how to smile it doesn't have to learn how to laugh it already knows how to laugh so there's all kinds of stuff that it already knows how to do that the pathways are already in there but it does not know how to play jazz guitar it does not know how to do a bicycle kick like Pele it does not know how to dunk a basketball like Jordan it does not know these things and it cannot know these things and the reason why it cannot know these things is for the simple reason that the nervous system has to have and does have within it the way the wires are set up they're actually set up in an interesting fashion I'm going to describe this so that people can get it and understand why there are no prodigies okay so everybody always thinks that there's some prodigy and I always get you know whenever I give this discussion I get five emails saying what about Mozart so I'm going to tell about Mozart tonight so that I don't get that email I'll get an email about somebody else I know the so the what's going on here is that the you have the ability to imagine what movements that it's going to take in order to imitate what you see in somebody else or to imagine what it is that you need to do in order to accomplish something so your brain can figure out that it needs to reach and move its fingers and grasp an apple so it it can understand that it needs to do that in order to bring that Apple up to its mouth now doesn't need to learn that it intuitively knows how to move to achieve certain behavioral targets now so let's suppose some kid is trying to learn how to play the piano and the teacher says I want you to take your your your playing finger here and I want you to go hit this key right here that's called middle C so when the kid does it what we have is an impulse from the motor strip that's running down the spinal cord exiting the spinal nerve couched about that right finger and now it's going to contract the muscles and move it down in an imitative fashion just the way it saw the teacher do it and it all looks fine so the kid now knows how to hit middle C with his forefinger all is well in the world except that if we actually watch the the biophysics of what just took place then we would find that as that nerve impulse up left the motor strip we would find that it would be traveling through the brain and traveling down a neuron that is what we're going to call unmyelinated which means it has no insulation on it the there are neurons in the brain that are myelinated myelin is a little substance it's like a waxy substance that is wrapped around the neurons and is the myelin is wrapped around the neurons then what will happen is a neuron will become insulated now as this kid moves that finger there is a electrical impulse that is going down that nerve and the the nearby cells called glia they're called glue and that's why that's what glia is or glue and you know I don't know Latin or whatever it is point is is that these are supportive cells they're like scaffolding in the nervous system holding that brain and the nervous system together and when an electrical impulse goes down a neuron the glia cells can feel it and in their DNA they say hmm that's kind of interesting and now let's suppose that kid does it again and then he does it again and then he does it again the teacher says keep moving that finger and keep hitting middle C what will happen is is that those impulses will cause those glia cells to actually start to create myelin and wrap themselves around that neuron and so they're thereby creating insulation now when it creates the insulation what's going to happen is that they're thereby nearby nerves then when the electrical impulse goes down a myelinated nerve or not myelinated axon electricity is not leaking to the neurons right next to it now the first time when that kid was moving his hand his finger up and down he was leaking electricity to other neurons that were attached to other fingers that were very nearby and so when he tried to move that his other fingers wanted to move so he was clumsy okay now and it's also true that because electricity leaked to the nearby neurons and their boy activated other neurons it is also true that the signal was weaker and slower so therefore when the kid tried to move his finger he moved it slow and he was clumsy compared to his teacher okay but if the child keeps moving that hand over and over and over and over and over and over again then what will happen is slowly the glia cells will create an insulation of myelin sheath around that neuron and what will now happen is if the electricity will not leak to nearby neurons the nearby fingers will not want to move when the kid moves that finger and it will move much faster and the more that the kid moves that finger the more myelin will be wrapped and what's happening is that the brain is effectively sculpting itself into a machine for moving that finger very very quickly in fact it can wrap not just once around that neuron it can wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap it can wrap 250 sheets of myelin sheath around that neuron to the point where that neuron is explosively fast so that as soon as there's a signal from the motor strip to move that finger that finger can move with unbelievable precision and it can move 100 times faster than it could originally move this is skill okay you are now looking at what it takes to build the carlos santana okay that's what that is you are looking at a brain that has sculpted itself by wrapping the myelin sheath so that it is unbelievably facile at making those particular muscular contractions you can't you are not born with this and anybody that thinks that somebody is born with it is lying okay or if they say that they've witnessed it the I had many mothers tell me that oh my child can just sit down and play the piano never had a lesson you know that you just can do it like hell he can the truth is is that that would be impossible and the reason why it would be impossible is because the brain comes in in this in this manner into the universe without any myelin built in it okay this thing is a block of marble and the only way to get it to be able to do those things that we're seeing is to wrap the myelin sheath and the only way the myelin sheath can be wrapped is by repetition it's no other way to do it uh-huh so when we look back and we see a masterpiece so we've seen Michelangelo's David and we look at that thing and we say oh my god how did that guy do it the answer is it's simple he wrapped the myelin sheath okay and the masterpiece is not Michelangelo's David and it's not the Pieta the masterpiece was Michael the masterpiece was the masterpiece of his mind that Michelangelo built himself okay so whenever you see phenomenal abilities you are seeing an interaction between two things some people even two people side-by-side working equally hard attempting to metrop the myelin sheath as best they can one of them is a little better now I have to tell you tonight I was listening on the radio because I'm from Sacramento area and so I've got a soft spot in my heart for the Sacramento Kings now they're terrible they keep losing they haven't been to the playoffs in ten years they make terrible management decisions what can I tell you but tonight they played Cleveland Cavaliers and on the other side was LeBron James LeBron James was again absolutely magnificent he scored 32 points he would hit five three-pointers out of eight or whatever he did he was just phenomenal but you know what the king is only lost by six points you realized they were within they were that was a tie game with a minute to go the Sacramento Kings were almost as good okay there's a lot of people out there that could play that guitar just about as good as Santana Nathan cetera okay you will never hear those people and we won't hear about those people because of marketing luck all kinds of stuff so your question is there any secret sauce or there's some people that are just magical and the answer is yeah there are but they didn't get that way by luck they got that way by they were naturally a little bit more gifted so LeBron James is naturally just one notch more gifted than even the elite of the NBA and he just is okay and so is Michael and so is Magic and so is Larry and that's just the nature but you know what there's people that normally outstanding person that work like L was just one tiny just breathing down their neck okay and so even an average nervous system if they were determined to do it could become one hell of a piano player now could they become Scott Joplin maybe not okay Liberace maybe not but they could be unbelievably good and so that's the answer is is there a little bit of secret sauce yeah but most of the secret sauce is not a secret most of the secret sauce is the time the energy the dedication and the repetition that it takes to build a masterpiece inside your mind Wow is there is there then a difference between a great classical pianist playing a piece but then can't improvise on the spot verses and revising bars or is that yeah so you've wrapped from Milan and so I the distinction we the improvisation is that is it's really a physician is actually myelin sheath yeah what when you wear a watch it when you watch a great basketball player all you're watching is improvisation of existing myelin sheath myelin sheath has wrapped itself into little neural circuits where there's fundamentals that are being executed so all you're watching is all that all that a spectacularly complex thing is is a bunch of unbelievably simple things that are all put together and so the and they're put together when it's usually really impressive it's put together with great speed now summarize it's not put together with great speed sometimes it's Michelangelo's David and he took a sweet time doing it but he just did it perfectly okay the but when we see athletics or we see music we see improvisation music we think we're looking at some magical gift you're not looking at a magical gift you're looking at somebody who has has wrapped the myelin sheath around a whole bunch of patterns of music and has executed these things over and over and over again and so on the fly just like a basketball player who literally doesn't know whether they're going to go to the left or the right one second you know a millisecond before they make their move they don't know it'll depend on what the defense does okay and the only reason they can make that move that quickly is because they have wrapped the myelin sheath and those impulses are going to their muscles a hundred times faster than they did when that kid first bounced the ball okay Jacqueline great question jack great question thank thank you for asking thank you for calling it's a pleasure thank you yeah all right well you want that one one more and then we'll wrap it up all right one more thing all right dear dr. Lyle long-term listener and I've stumbled upon a very insightful theory by a Russian evolutionary psychologist and men's rights activist oh boy Oleg novo fella okay Jess so that Williams guys name Oleg no Bose sell-off okay all right I wonder if there's a pun there but I'll leave it to it I don't know you'll I'm sure you'll find it go ahead look what we got okay he suggests that relationships naturally progress from courtship to love to something he calls inversion of dominance when a female takes control and then subsequently loses respect for the male he suggests that love can only persist if the man continuously resists being dominated and controlled by the woman but not so much to show that he's totally uncontrollable in response to this resistance the woman shifts to the love mode again and repeats the cycle of attempting to invert dominance my question is do females naturally attempt to dominate men in long-term relationships and if so why do they then lose respect for the man once they succeed of course he's rushing right of course this guy's heard of a real Russian yes'm shrew this that uh I asked no idea why this guy came up with us I think it's hilarious no there's there's no such no such theory this is bogus at its root now let's let's try to look and see why there's anything here that Oleg you know was looking at and what he is misinterpreted it's going to turn out that there is a an interesting dynamic yeah between males and females that is very important to understand to know whether or not they're still going to be chemistry flowing in the relationship the this isn't this isn't sufficient for chemistry to flow in the relationship but I believe it's pretty well necessary for this to flow so the what's necessary is that the woman must admire the male as a human and the male must find the female sexually appealing so that that is a characteristically critical dynamic the the male doesn't have to admire the female in the way that the female ought to be admiring the male so this is what this guy's calling dominance I wouldn't exactly call it dominance however they're its clubs let's let's talk about what I think the derivatives are that are involved here the the you can imagine that if you're a female and you're pregnant you are wanting this guy to to stick around and you're also you're in a situation where if you're in a para bond with this guy which is your your best hope for getting a maximum amount of resources from him you are what you are going to have a bunch of conflicts of interest with him and you're going to have disagreements about how to manage the challenges of the environment and so there's going to be discussions and there's going to be a review of the analysis of what the optimal behavior pattern should be for quote us and there's going to be disagreements and the no matter how happy these guys are with each other as people and as romantic partners they're still going to be disagreements should we go left or should we go right should we go east should we go where should we go south should we befriend those people are not prepend those people you know should I spend the next two days hunting or not spend the next two days hunting there's going to be discussions and an analysis of how to utilize the couple's resources in an optimal fashion we're going to assume that they're on the same team about how those resources ought to be distributed so we're not just talking about arguments over laziness and chiseling each other we're talking about literally teamwork trying to be yoked together pull in the same direction and trying to to survive and reproduce effectively as a team now if it turns out that the male's judgment is not as good as the females judgment the female is going to be not happy about this and she is damn well going to want to dominate those decisions because she's going to be like look fool the last four times we did it your way and I was sure I was right four out of four turned out you know we suffered losses behind your bad judgment so we're going to do it my way this time okay now coincidentally if she is thinking this and believes it and it's experiencing this kind of frustration do you think that maybe she's less sexually interested you're damn right she's less sexually interested he might have been pretty beautiful man beautiful body plays the guitar but it turns out his judgment is prescient okay and so pretty soon her sexual hots are dropping and so this is what mr. Oleg here is observing a pattern but he's not understanding the pattern now the so let's look at so that female therefore as she's watching this judgment that is inferior to her own and therefore does not admire the male for as a human so now what is happening is is that she's recognizing you know what I am capable of feeling admiration for people there is some other male for whom I would feel this kind of admiration and when I feel that admiration that's a signal down for my genes telling me that I'm a hell of a lot safer than I am when I'm not in a situation where I'm a miring the male okay so the the male doesn't need to be quote admiring the female because as the male he is going to get his way more often when there's conflicts and the reason why he's going to get his way more often when there's conflicts is because he's not only bigger and stronger and can essentially force the issue if it came to screen right but the other issue is is that he doesn't have as much invested in the offspring and he can walk away and abandon a relationship with much less cost than the female can and so it's not that the cost is trivial he would still have to find another mate romancers big hassle but the bottom line is is that the truth is is that he has less to lose so because he has less to lose he is more likely to work if it gets to be conflicted and he doesn't like it okay now so that being the situation the female is is is a little bit stuck there yeah and so she you know she can be in a situation where she's going to try to get dominance over the decision-making and make the best she can out of the mess that she's in the this is not that she she isn't trying to dominate the sky at all and in situations where females are happy and admiring of their mates and their mates find them sexually attractive and reasonable enough and not not you know they don't have personality conflicts with them everything is Jake okay those situations the females do not quote try to spontaneously get dominance over the male never happens okay so this is a this is a non theory by some guy that you know wasn't thinking this thing through very well and but he has recognized a pattern that it correlates with it correlates with things that you actually see his theory correlates with something that's real but it isn't the underlying cause fair enough yeah my my layman's analysis is maybe he observed very many Russian couples get together whereas the Russian man would drink exercises poor judgment and a wife I beat him over that am I wrong you're not wrong boy you're just as hard all right well that's enough for one night that's great stuff made that's all
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