Home 🏠 🔎 Search


Bad Transcripts
for the
Beat Your Genes Podcast & More

Episode 179: Money and Esteem, Casual mating friends, Communication manipulation, LDRs
an auto-generated transcript


To get a shareable link to a certain place in the audio,
hover your mouse over the relevent text,
right click, and "copy link address"
(mobile: long press & copy link address)
 


July oh I grinder the household my thought my mother was abusive both physically and mentally and taught me that I was wasteful if I bought nice things and clothes etc now I'm 43 years old my husband is nice generous and makes a lot of money but I still feel wasteful and not worth it when I want to buy me an expensive handbag and it's like my mind is stuck in my poor childhood and has not moved on to my new richer life can you please talk about the relationship between money and self-esteem and how to learn to enjoy the money one makes well let's think about this the major component that we're actually seeing here that our that our listener isn't saying is that her mother not necessarily out of necessity but also by by instinct with frugal and so she was probably more dramatically frugal by necessity but there's a lot of poor people that are not frugal and in might buy an expensive handbag and then caused them to be to have other hardships later as a result of that like not getting the rent paid so the fact that the mother was a fact that you know her mother was abusive both mentally and physically of course tells us that the mother was disagreeable and unstable but she was also probably frugal and so our listener inherited frugal jeans and so that's a lot of what you're seeing here so even though she is in better circumstances she still cannot you know open up her wallet and pay for things that look attractive to her but are not attractive enough to to get her to dole out the money now you might think that this is a reach but of course it's not a reach this is exactly what the great professor plumbin would expect okay once again environmental influences are going to sum to zero over time so she's 43 years old and what we're seeing is the jeans were not seeing the effect of a childhood the fact in a in a rather famous book written I believe in the early 90s what might have been in the late 80s or so it's called The Millionaire Next Door and what they found we surprised the authors which was that the America's millionaires at the time that was more money that it is now because inflation rate if you have a million dollars now that was worth about $400,000 in in 1992 so now it would be the equivalent of two million or two and a half something like that so America's millionaires are typically very frugal particularly if they've earned it themselves right as opposed to having it given to them by inheritance that makes a big difference in how frugal they are and one of the most striking characteristics is that it didn't make any difference how big the net worth was they also studied what they considered very high net worth people people with net worths at the time of ten million dollars in north and they would find that a consistent characteristic is that the men would complain that their wives would not spend any money it just wasn't in them and they there's still clipping coupons and doing everything possible to keep the budget down so a big part of the capital accumulation of a lot of well-to-do people has to do with the person obviously the personalities of course their talent and skill and luck and effort but also their personalities with respect to expenditure is a major issue and so the I think that our our listener here has a very frugal personality and we're seeing that you know continue on in her life even though she would feel like she odd to loosen the reins a little bit which course wouldn't kill you to try to loosen the reins see what happens but the truth is is that if you loosen the reins and buy an expensive handbag you may look at that thing and it may not give you that much joy because you'll just feel vaguely guilty and self-indulgent about it like it was waste of money and that isn't from your childhood that's from the genetics so anyway that that's the story and she also wanted to know about the relationship between money and self-esteem also a little side note is that that it's her husband that makes the money not her and so as a result it wouldn't surprise me any if there's an effect here in the system that the person themselves is not does not necessarily feel competent to actually earn a high standard of living and so as a result of that it doesn't feel like this whole thing is under her control it feels like it's it's graft that she is is receiving as part of this relationship which of course there's nothing in the world wrong with this except that it feels different spending somebody else's money that they earned at versus spending it blowing your money on yourself when you have in fact you've in fact earned it and have confidence that you could earn it again so that's a different situation and it's one that she's not in so we and observe which would happen under those circumstances so she's probably still feeling a significant degree of responsibility to her this relationship to not be to just despite what the husband says there's still a feeling of it's not quite mine I didn't quite own it I couldn't replace it and therefore it would be irresponsible of me to waste it it's not it's not that it's not that wise of an option so this person may not be that open to experience may be quite high conscientiousness and as a result not feeling like you know it's not an adventure worth doing and it doesn't feel safe and right she might feel differently if she earned it herself and then and then you know did the Seabee on some indulgent expenditure so I think that's what's going on there the now the relationship between money and self-esteem that is a there really isn't a relationship between money and self-esteem as I define self-esteem now I'm defining self-esteem differently than the broad culture defined self-esteem the so I'm trying to be very precise so that we can learn and and think intelligently about the dynamics of what goes on in our minds you know free of free of confusion about what the different experiences are so there there are multiple experiences that people might term self-esteem and a and yet they are quite different in terms of what drives those experiences one of them is going to be what we're going to call esteem or status so that that's the that's when other people signal to us that they think that we are valuable ie cool sexy smart funny whatever okay talented the in whatever way it is that we are competing with displays with our competitors with respect to any life domain whether it be mating friendship or trade if we get signals from other people that they find us valuable then particularly valuable at the upper reaches of our trading range and therefore are our goals we have we have essentially a calibration system that tells us what what kind of feedback would be valuable so if some four year old looks up at LeBron James when he when he makes a basket shooting around it says wow that was really good that's not going to mean much to LeBron James he didn't do anything that impressive or however if he does something as a president pressive as you can and it is seen by his peers or other important people to him and they signal that they appreciate that accomplishment or display that is esteem and so that's one experience another experience is the experience of self confidence so self confidence is different than self confidence is in many people's minds the way they use the language it's entirely synonymous with self esteem it means the same thing like oh my kid won ribbon in school and he got this award is good for his self-esteem okay has nothing to do with the self esteem from my from my way I used the language self esteem is different than self confidence self confidence is the feeling that falls out of Wars directly derived from the perceived self-efficacy or the perceived probability success with respect to any endeavor so I have high self confidence that I can tie my shoes okay I had a cousin who blew off his hand playing with explosives and he only had you know half a finger and thumb left and his self confidence about his ability to tie his shoes dropped and then he figured out that he can do it and his self-confidence rose again so your self confidence is is different than general confidence because confidence you could have in other things like you're confident that Amazon stock is going to go up and you're confident that the Lakers are going to win this year but what we're concerned about is self confidence and that is a feeling that is effectively predicting what you think the response of the esteem environment is going to be so Brad Pitt walks into a bar and he he has you know he feels very he feels the thing that we call confidence which is that his perceived probability of success that he's going to get high esteem signals from whoever he wants in the bar is high that's a feeling confidence parents love want their children to have that they think that that's the most important thing in the world the educators teachers coaches everybody thinks that's what self esteem is okay it is not what self esteem is and you do not talk confidence into anybody confidence is a derivative of the perceived probability of success there's a lot of people that have a lot of confidence they don't have any business having any confidence though that's called the narcissist okay and they fail repeatedly and they don't manage to learn the lesson despite the avalanche of evidence that they're miscalibrated but they're miscalibrated genetically there's no way that that's not going to happen most people don't have that problem hmm most people are are quite sensitive to negative feedback and quite sensitive to evidence about their perceived probabilities of success or reasonably accurate again people magically think very often that the solution to greater success in the world is to somehow trick yourself into having higher confidence and therefore you'll be more bold and you know as Goethe said you know mighty force will come to your aid not true okay that's not how it works confidence self-confidence is derived from deep logical algorithms that are computing a probability of success and they're not subject to PR they might be subject they are they're slightly subject to PR if knowledgeable people like a Tony Robbins whips you in the eye and plays cool music and people dance and they say we think you have star quality it will influence your confidence however that confidence will quickly be dispelled after he sleeps with you gives you a card to his agent and then it turns out that the guy does return your phone call and after you're not quite as hot as anybody fine okay so that's how that works so you're yourself your self-confidence is somewhat subject to prie distortions and market feedback but very quickly yet it will arrive at at a reasonable equilibrium as you run experiments on your market advertisements and you get feedback so that's how that's going to work now everybody would like to have quote more confidence but the only way that you're going to get more confidence is to get actually more effective at the competitive display and the way that you're going to do that is you're going to make efforts that your competitors aren't making or you're going to work harder than your competitors are working and so what's going to happen is is there's an experience inside that takes place when you work hard and diligently at worthwhile goals and that is what we call self esteem so self esteem is the internal audiences observation of your efforts and it sends a signal of moral worthiness to your esteem meter and it says we respect you you're working very hard that's how that works so so the person's question was the relationship between self-esteem and money I think that this is a little bit of a confusing question because I'm not sure quite what they're asking probably it it's wandering into the territory of gee you know how would I feel more worthy somehow of spending money and the answer is I think of an important answer is did you earn it I think that's a very very important question that is that is sitting underneath this person's letter and so that doesn't mean you're a bad person for not having earned it it just means that I would expect that your internal audience wouldn't consider that it would be a worthy process for you to be spending money and essentially spending expending resources in in frivolous display or some kind of expensive display that that you didn't earn and therefore you you know it wouldn't be wise in terms of long-term strategic planning to be doing that the and it might feel to a legitimate highly conscientious brain that that is just simply not a smart move so I think that that's that's actually the connection here that the person is feeling and I think that's uh I think that pretty well sums up what this question was about fascinating all right dr. Lyle hold on one second I'm going to cross off my to-do list my daily affirmations my positive affirmations all these things taking about two and a half hours a day that'll actually free up enough time to actually go out and accomplish something so might have intended desired effect hmm there you go got it now so that's a while I have a little question here about this now I'm not suggesting that this is going to be true for for males and females but my question is would a is it would it be normal for a woman to feel like she's earned a mate who takes care of her provides for her you know allows her to spend whatever money that they make because that's what they're bringing to the table in addition to looks brains personality but if she's she can she feel that she's earned it because she worked hard at her appearance and to you know cultivate conversational skills and and charm and all those other things it is it calm in the feel for for a woman to feel that she's earned it and then conversely to for for men can they feel like they've earned you know the there there the mate that they're happy with because they work hard they climbed the dominance hierarchy etc etc yeah so the absolutely so we're seeing inside here we're seeing through the lens of personality so my my guess would be the the female who is the trophy wife who is going to you know expend on conspicuous consumption at a level that she could have never done herself I'm going to expect that these are there's going to be some personality characteristics that are going to probably be highly correlated with that behavior so one of them is going to be lower in conscientiousness probably all also openness in other words a a desire for you know novelty possibly disagreeable would be associated with that and probably lower intelligence okay these such an individual is a is a walking lucrative market niche okay this is exactly who we want to sell shiny shit to and useless crap and and worthless seminars this is perfect okay entitled entitled low conscientious not very smart and open haha but if she's gorgeous and the guy makes enough money and he's willing to pay and be over rewarded in the looks department hey but we wish them all well all right fantastic all right our next question dr. Lyle if women in one's social circles acquaintances friends etc seem receptive to casual mating should one go for it without much worry or is it bound to lead to future problems with them in the group as they may expect commitment on some level even if they claim that they don't and therefore will get upset if they none haha i this is a really great question and this is this always reminds me of how different my life is from other people so what Alan Goldhamer and I get asked questions like well what do you do when people invite you over for dinner it's like nobody's ever invited me over for dinner alle hell would I know like this this is not a problem with me and my diet you know this is uh so I live a very different life than most of these Homo sapiens so this is a group like what is this group you who are they like are these people all this is this fifteen or eighteen people that represent the coalition and there's like ten you know eight or ten boys and eight or ten girls and you know what do they have some religious affiliation with each other and you know they're like a coalition and therefore if you casual mate with one of them and then she's pissed off it's like wrecks your reputation with the whole group like I don't know maybe maybe Oh people live like this I don't something-something could approximate this in a work setting possibly where there's a lot of co-workers that are that spent time together and there's a loose coalition of some kind there it's also possible in a in a fraternity it could be in grad school a little closed system of you know 15 20 people this sort of thing going on so I could see how that that could arise that dynamic could arise to some degree the the question would I suppose if one were in that situation and one quote took advantage in some fashion of some female who was receptive and then dumped her on ceremoniously and then she was all pissed off about it then that could potentially hurt your reputation in that group like who the hell cares okay so the that that there is no group in my life that I would care about you know they gave me anything that it can all go pound sound down a rat hole because I couldn't care less so the question is for me would be you know how deceptive was I to the female and so so as is common for me there's course many cows emitting so alright let's just suppose that there was a cow so mating strategy option and the female was signaling the choose casual mating strategy receptive etc now what would I think about this I would feel completely and utterly justified in pursuing a casual mating strategy relationship however I would certainly be aware that there's an underhanded deal that often goes on in these dynamics and that it's often the case that the female thinks that she is open to casual mating strategy but really isn't okay so she actually has designs now I've never had a situation where someone was trying to you know openly advertise to me that they were open to casual mating but period okay so all of the all of my history has been within the context of clear para bond signaling from the jump however you can you can see of the obvious corollary the the mirror image of the male strategy pretending he is headed to pair bond strategy but is really headed to counsel mating the corollary is the female who pretends that she's open to casual mating that is really headed to pair bond okay that that's called snagging a guy okay that's what that is and so this is uh this is certainly the in fact David buss and his research in the evolution of desire I very clearly found evidence that that there's females that will play you know a dumb blonde strategy like hey looks and you can kind of take an advantage of me sexually and you know gee like I've just kind of ditzy and I kind of know what's going on when really it's a tar pit oh I certainly have seen that on a number of occasions seeing guys get stuck in tar pits from exactly that strategy so yeah I wouldn't be worried about what the group thinks I would be worried about whether or not you know who it is that you are and if you have sufficient sufficient disagree ability enough to remove yourself from a tar pit if you happen to stick your foot in one so that's that's how I look at that I have a friend of mine a really nice guy in grad school and he he absolutely had a tar pit walk up and and bump into him and stick he wound up you know unhappily in a relationship and then unhappily married I have not checked to see whether or not they had children but I wouldn't be surprised but yeah that that was a a five went up to an eight ie he was in H he was a five and she made damn sure that she was super easily available and then stuck to him like tar and he is a dead dinosaur right out of his happiness he's in the bottom of the la brea tar pit alright wait let's be aware buyer beware buyer beware exactly there you go alright dr. Lila there are many popular videos where reporters approach ignorant people on the street and make them say dumb things one example that I've heard was have you heard that some fictional country is leaving the European European European Union and one person responded sure and then started answering a series of questions unflinching about where they read the news etc while most people laugh I get scared even having embraced the view that all communication is manipulation if I didn't know better I would never in a thousand years assume that these people were lying it's so foreign from the way I think and it's not a you eeeek example many times I vaguely thought that I knew some simple fact only to be contradicted so I accepted that the other person knew better why would they contradict me otherwise but they were often wrong can you help me make sense of this madness well it's really not madness when you see that kind of thing they are they're cherry-picking from a whole bunch of interviews that they did and so they're finding the ones that are particularly entertaining and it's super entertaining to watch slow conscientious people at work it's really cool and so you know what what could be more fun than watching like a low conscientious salesman just like lying like crazy and just changing a story it's it's it's inherently fascinating because because of exactly what the person is commenting on which is it's like wow I can't believe that other people would play the game so differently than I would play the game and therefore I'm susceptible to this because my egocentric bias would miss read these probabilities by a lot and therefore this is worth knowing so that's why there's a little there's a little bolt of fear in our in our you know listener who's clearly high conscientious and maybe quite agreeable so when someone contradicts him or her the first the first thought is not hey well you're wrong okay so that's that's usually my first answer anybody contradicts me I'd cut her to come back okay got enough disagree ability in there but our but our listener may be higher agreeable and high conscientious and so as a result they're finding out or you get these experiences and you see that people that are lower in conscientious can can parade like they know things and they absolutely don't know them and and so anyway so that's all that's going on here there's no there's no madness all that there is is that if you don't know something and somebody asks you in a situation like that bluffing it's a pretty strategy and so a lot of people Bluff like they know and and you know for a great deal of the the dynamics that we'd go on in human beings that would mean anything ie mating dynamics if some someone some woman says well do you know where you know Kamchatka is I'm sure yeah have you ever been there you could you can see how that's how that would be a perfectly reasonable strategy to bluff for a while and not get caught like you didn't know and so this is all all part of the scheme gamesmanship in in the display of intelligence and IQ I have a very good I have a very good friend who he and I were sharing stories of low conscientious people and like you said it was incredibly entertaining how he had a partner in business who just was a salesman and would you know come up with all kinds of stories just to get the sale and then my friend had to cover for him and agree that yeah yeah exactly half the warehouse burned down and that's why we could sell you this this product oh man yeah all right all right dog oh dear dr. Lyle I'm pretty introverted and socialized very little but I never fail to be baffled by how quickly distance kills relationships I knew two girls who were best friends how the better part of a decade but they completely stopped talking months after they were no longer in the same city also I've heard that almost half of my college roommates don't even text goodbye when they're moving out which honestly to me seems utilitarian to the point of sociopathy am i the oddball for feeling that when you've known someone for a long time but that means something is it because I'm low and openness and introverted um no it means you're high in conscientiousness and so what we're seeing here is that that we back up and we try to understand why humans do what they do and the reason why humans do what they do is cost-benefit analysis and so the big part of the cost is and a big part of the benefit has to do with proxemics and so you're probably going to buy gasoline where it's most convenient for you and you're going to go to restaurants that are most convenient for you you're going to do grocery store shopping so I shop at a grocery store that's more expensive than the other store without even figuring my time even when I was you know when I didn't make as much money it's still like too much trouble to to go over to the cheaper grocery store I just wasn't going to do it the so this is cost-benefit and so when when people move away the cost benefit you know dramatically changes the whole equation changes and so a great deal of those benefits took place in proximity and the costs were reduced by proximity so it doesn't surprise us at all that that proxemics dominate relationships now obviously that isn't always going to be the case so it depends upon the nature of the relationship how how unusual the person's value proposition is so if they've got a very unusual value proposition and they have something that they can continue to contribute to your life then the distance isn't going to mean anything and so it's all about the Seabee that that explains the situation that you're observing so a lot of friends there's really nothing particularly unique about the either those people and they have a relationship that's been based on mutual interests that would be normal for human beings to have when they're in close proximity and if they were reasonably stable reasonably agreeable people they got along quite well they might have been good friends for 10 years however when when the dynamics changed the CB changes to Topher I have a friend of mine really really nice guy skytruss that I used to work with and and I thought when I when I quit I was a psychologist in the state prison system for ten years and I thought when I quit this is a guy that super Pleasant guy bright Pleasant you know we like to play golf together and this was this was a you know a really friendly warm situation and I believed when I was leaving that he and I would probably continue to play golf together you know several times a year yet we have not contacted each other once in five years since I quit the prison and it's not because I don't like him and if I saw him today I'd have the same reaction that I have it's just the CB so the CB changes it now be a hassle I'd have to drive over there we'd have to meet we have to set it up we used to just say hey you feel like playing today and we all we had our clubs in in our trunks of our car and if we felt like it would be a hey why not and so the cost of making the decision to do so was minimal and this is this would be typical of friendships in close proximity now it would be a big song and dance and we'd have to get to organize and get on our calendars and really intend to do this you know week or two in advance yeah too much trouble and and like I said and the however when when Alan Goldhamer was in Australia when we were young people when were young men and I was in my education in Virginia we kept in contact on a weekly basis by sending tapes audio tapes back and forth for a year and so you know that was a fair amount of hassle speaking into a tape recorder and then listen to em etc then mailing it off way more hassle with that then then would be to deal with my girlfriend but the CD was different so we were we were young professionals headed towards trying to do something very interesting and learning fast in life and so it was super worth it to keep in contact so anyway yeah there's nothing sociopathic about this this is just human beings running cost-benefit analysis there's an interesting other little thread that I pick up in this individual and that is that if you're high conscientiousness which I think that this person is then what's going to happen is very often particularly if you're agreeable which they probably also are from the sound of it they if you're high conscientious and agreeable you are extremely likely to over invest in relationships in other words let me let me explain what I mean by over investment the friendships are fundamentally insurance policies that's how they emerged in our natural history and so the average person will extend the average amount of insurance the average value proposition personality and body on the other side of the equation so you run a cost-benefit analysis on what the person can do for you you run a cost-benefit analysis on what you could do for them and the two of you run this system run a Seabee analysis against the market competitors and you decide whether or not you're going to be friends that's what it is and so a big part of it is what could you do for me if I was in X Y Z kind of trouble and what what could I do for you and so people that are friends they don't know that they're doing this but their mind is doing this it's running exactly this kind of contest I love computations and so it turns out that whenever a year at the tail end of a bell curve you've got a distorted view of what the typical person is thinking so if you're super open you're really frustrated with other people you can't understand you know why don't you do why don't you want to smoke mushrooms or whatever the hell it is a so I've got I've got a friend of mine a lovely lady in Asheville North Carolina very bright open pretty I went she I forget she came some seminar introduced herself and and then she's talking to me about mushrooms it's like or whatever the hell it is some hallucinogen I like no way zero Chad okay talking to somebody that's probably at the 25th or 30th percentile for openness there's zero chance whereas she's 95th percentile open that's how she lives her life and that's who she is and so you know she's startled at how like what what a clam I am like there's no way I would have ever consider anything like that and she would never consider not doing that knowing that it exists on the planet those are big differences in personality and so when you're when you are an outlier you miss read what the other people are doing very bright people can't believe how feeble-minded and error-prone are average people and they'll sometimes infer that they're intending to be stupid and disruptive and you know you know create obstacles and inefficiency where none should exist and the truth is now you're just not understanding that's what a hundred IQ person can do and that this is so when you are an outlier on any dimension if you're a real low in conscientiousness you just can't understand why anybody make such big fuss about getting to run in on time just doesn't make any sense and so in the same way if you're high conscientious and you are reasonably agreeable you will over estimate how much insurance is out there in your friendship you will believe that they are as invested as you are but you are in fact over investing in those cases and so this is where you'll you'll find out that you would have come through big for somebody but it turns out that when the shoes on the other foot and you would expect them to come come in for you when you need some help and they're nowhere to be found and it's like there you go the this would this would be the typical experience of a high conscientious agreeable human is going to be like scratching their head and feeling very surprised and hurt at the betrayal as the rats jump off a sinking ship at the first sign of trouble when they needed to file an insurance claim in the friendship so this individual I would sort of warn you to do not put yourself in a position where you are allowing some friend who's lower in conscientiousness and more disagreeable to put you in a position where you're extending yourself substantially for that individual watch out because the very things that you're seeing that are surprising you in normal human beings and how they make how their CB dynamics change with respect to friendship and its investment process you are seeing that you are in fact an outlier just as you're commenting and that that should be a warning device to you don't get yourself in a position of high credit with respect to some friendship debtor that it has unless there's awfully good reason for you to believe that they are a good reciprocate er and that they see this friendship in the same way that you do fascinating and alright dr. Lisle I think we got time for one more that wasn't on our list but what do you think all right for this one more girl what was that all alright this has to do with tinder so and yeah experience of males versus females at that be fun to talk so dear diary I'm straight relatively attractive somewhat well put together 21 year old man my luck on tinder is pretty much exactly the same as most got under the 80% oh ah yeah damn relative 20 year old kid okay I'll go ahead so dr. Lyle I get four or five matches per day most girls don't respond but I get a couple of dates per month out of curiosity I let my profile be seen by both men and women I was shocked to find that I got literally hundreds of matches on the first day I assumed it was because I was new on the scene but it continued for weeks and every day I got more than 50 matches from men is there any evolutionary reason why I would get so many more matches with men than with women ah let me get this straight I just you know tinder and I don't I don't know that the app okay okay let me get this right so if you if you make yourself available to both men and women and that would is that does that mean that the men would assume that you are gay or bi that's right okay got it okay so the question is why he's getting so many more hits from men than he is from women who answer men are casual mating strategy animals okay so what your there's a very good evolutionary reason for this so you would I think there's more to it like the swiping and the men just wipe everything hoping to get a match so that's that's another issue of a substantial that's a substantial component of this fiasco but from from a from a broader perspective what we're what we're also seeing is that that men's men's interest in casual mating is going to be much greater than women's generally and and the bar is going to be a lot lower remember the evolutionary dynamics of casual mating so the evolutionary dynamics are that for males males are going to be the low investment member of the species and the female is a high investment member of the species so if a female is going to engage in casual mating then she's going to want to make sure that if she's not going to get resources from the male to support an incipient child than what she's going to do is she's going to make damn sure she gets really fancy jeans so she's she is to sleep up okay so if she's an eight she's looking at tens if she's a six she's looking at eights in other words she could be looking at tens quite frankly so the truth of the matter is the female is is a willingness to engage in casual mating behind what I call weak knees Delta or the the perceived Delta or difference between the the gene the sexiness gene quality of the pair and so the female is absolutely not interested in sleeping gown for casual mating no way okay she intuitively knows that she brings more to the table she intuitively understands that her sexuality is far more valuable than his sexuality because you know well she just knows this I mean it's in her DNA to know this she is an egg guarding sex guarding machine that's what she is the male's job is to try to charm his way past the defenses and so one way to get past the defenses if you're a male is to be willing to sleep down so if you're an 8 you attack six and the six may feel weak in the knees weak knees Delta and you get laid okay so the male does not have the the problem sleeping down at all the male would also love to sleep up that's fine too the male is like hey anything does casual mating you know obviously they have their limits but if you're an if you're an 80 at this percentile male and you're you're gay or advertising that you would be gay you should be getting hit on from all sides in other words you're acceptable to everybody you're acceptable to the tens because remember the ten all of the people in the mating pool in the gay community being males they essentially are they are casual mating dominant by psychology and so it's essentially a a group that has no female in there that is withholding so you would expect it to be a very vigorous free-for-all which is exactly what it is that we're seeing in this person's experience okay so you know this is being a situated by the the swipe issue so the males in general are just going to swipe everything and then just see what comes back that's the right that's the right advertising strategy whereas females aren't going to do that they're going to very deliberately only swipe the ones that they like so that that's contributing to to what this person is experiencing but the underlying you know that also is sort of derivative of the differences between males and females in terms of the very same evolutionary dynamic which is casual mating dominant for the male Terrebonne dominant for the female and that dynamic is running exactly what this person is saying in the Kinsey Report of 1981 I believe is where they they carefully you know there's been better data sent so almost 40 years ago so we're I'm showing my age but in that is Nokia weren't allowed the I know what tinder is so that that's pretty good the V but in that report it was I think the first time where we had we had good data on the gay community and it was the first first data that we ever saw it was really numerical and meant anything and was intelligently collected by legitimate social scientists and I believe that about 25% of the the people polled in the Kinsey Report a males gay males had had over 500 partners okay well that that tells the story that that's telling you that that's that looks like what a heterosexual male would do if they didn't have constraints on the other side of the trade okay so that's that's the dynamic that this person is seeing in the extraordinary differences that he's getting in terms of feedback from males and females no eggs to defend no eggs to defend you're not
Back to the top
🏃     👖




Artist