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Episode 174: Does casual mating doom pair bond chances, Evo psych and spiritual experience
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dear dr. Lisle after a one-night stand my date the guy asked me for on a date I met a man at a social dancing event and invited myself over to his place to have sex I was on a rebound from a bad breakup and was just looking for one-night stand well aside from great sex this man turned out to be smart agreeable conscientious open to experience although a bit shy with a great sense of humor and a PhD student on top of it all the next day he asked me out to dinner as friends which end up being a first date now we live in different cities but he keeps calling and texting me which makes me very happy how can I tell if this is going anywhere is this all genuine or are we both falling for some kind of psychological trap self self delusional trap I obviously didn't do the 10 paid dates so does it mean that I blew my chances to truly test and grow this potential relationship if we go on a date again he is clearly going to expect sex and to be honest I want it to what should we do I'm in my 30s and have a child from a previous relationship I'm rather disagreeable and it could be a bit neurotic hence the top qualities oh yeah I'm rather disagreeable because I'm a lawyer and can be a bit neurotic hence the top qualities I'm looking for in a man are agreeableness and emotional stability now where was she when I was a PhD did the yeah there's nothing in the world wrong with this and so this is all you know all we could say is good luck and we'll see what happens and no you didn't wreck your chances you've lowered your chances you lowered your chances just because there's a possibility when women give up sex that easily it's possible that the the male might infer that that he's fancier and therefore takes some of the shine out of the female so we would expect that that inference would be made those inferences are made in all kinds of negotiations over cars houses and everything else under the Sun so when the other side senses that we are a very easy target they infer that they're in a position of power and then they start to essentially analyze reasons why that's true so it would be natural for human beings to assume that they're simply fancier would be reasonable for male to assume these simply fancier if a female gives it up easily so but that doesn't blow your chances it just it means that he might make that mistake if that is in fact a mistake so the 10 paid dates is a is a general strategy just doesn't have to be 10 doesn't have to be a doesn't have to be anything it's a general strategy to avoid exploitation and so it's a it's not a hard and fast rule for anything and in this case this young woman it was was just sort of being the being a a I don't know what we would say corny animal fair enough okay and so it turns out that you know she may have tripped her way into a good situation we'll know a great deal more in you know 30 days or 90 days and we'll find out where it all goes so good luck and now look let's hope that that you have found something exceptional in and and great alright let's go on do oh okay yeah go ahead well I had a question is that if this lady decides to withhold sex next time does that lower her her chances of pair-bonding or mate value I mean does this kind of disturb and distort the the male's perspective yeah it's sort of a weird thing to do this at this point and the reason is is that it's be like huh what the hell like why did we do why is that going on so I wouldn't be playing games with the male at that point the whole point of withholding early is if is essentially to sink the entrance in that you're not weak in the knees and therefore that you are not that you don't consider yourself less fan and you don't want them making those inferences and so that's that's where we are here but you know this already took place there's no no sense in in now at this point we just have to trust the process that is these two people get to know each other better you know they haven't had a hell of a lot of conversation but they've had some and you know it's the the risk is obviously that if if we now in the next month these people get together half a dozen times they sleep together and then a month from now this guy is finding suddenly that he's just not as interested as he thought he was and you know in fact they are a long ways apart and and in fact in fact this and in fact that and she's sorry okay fair enough she her degree of heartbreak may be significantly more just because she is sort of more more emotionally invested as a result of making herself potentially pregnant and therefore more vulnerable psychologically so the that price is obviously likely to be higher but what the heck this person's got got some grit got some toughness yeah and so I I trust that she can handle it so we'll see how it goes and by no means does this strategy mean that that you can't have a great relationship developed behind it we just understand that we're were you know increasing the risk factor that to bad things could happen number one we're being played by a cow so mating strategy player and we didn't want to be or number two that we actually caused the person to infer our value as less than it is so those are two risk factors when females give up access to their sexuality easily and early those are neither one of those is these days need be prohibitive and so good luck we'll see what happens in here now you know in a lot of a casual mating that we discussed on the show it's been where the male is pursuing the female but in this case it appears that the female was clearly playing casual mating strategy and pursuing a minute by what are your thoughts on that well I think she is pretty impressed so I think that's that's what we're seeing right time of the month for her nervous system right social context with dancing where you can get a lot of data about a person's sexuality and and you get close to them physically etc so all you get music that's that's you know tickling the neural circuits in some interesting and intriguing ways and it all comes together and there you go so yeah it's not like it's not like women can't be interested from the jump it's just that they're usually not so that's uh so in this case we had a nice elixir that all came together and maybe with or without alcohol and so we will uh and so hey yeah I've got the guy got himself a nice little perfect storm and it certainly worked out well for him and now we'll see how well it works out for her fascinating all right dr. lasso you and I are going to the next social dancing event we can be Taylor's wingmen need to we're you and I are looking at very different music chief alright you don't like poetic as I do yeah all right all right yeah I can have spiritual experiences how does evolutionary psychology interpret spiritual experiences particularly the experience of quote oneness or what this listener is describing as quote dissolving of boundaries between the self and others that can occur during meditation prayer and sometimes even during fasting if the purpose of life is simply to further one's personal happiness in order to maximize gene survival why do people become dissatisfied with the bottles of status that they have acquired which by any objective measurement would maximize their gene survival and instead they turn to a spiritual understanding of the purpose of life instead this person cites an example of Russell Brown who Russell Brand who ascended the ladder of success in spectacular fashion acquiring money status allowing him to attract the most desirable mates but found the whole experience completely unsatisfying and turned to meditation and spirituality to find happiness instead nice letter let's see so how does evolutionary psychology interpret spiritual experiences well the we would begin by understanding that any feeling that you have is a signalling device that that is wired into your evolutionary history that if it's positive it means that that feeling or those circumstances increased your likelihood of gin survival and it turns out that if it feels negative and those those experiences or those those inputs from the environmental situation that are activating those neural circuits are associated with circumstances to reduce your your ancestors odds of success so if we start talking about dissolving a boundaries between the self and others I can think very clearly about how a feeling of dissolving the boundaries between oneself and others would increase the likelihood of G's survive our freedom was that not as well figure out okay and you can also so I don't I'm not sure what what this means by dissolving boundaries but but a feeling of that we are in solidarity we are we do we have a minimal conflict of interest between us here in this moment etc of course those would be circumstances that our ancestors would have experienced at particular times under particular social situations that would have caused them to feel good just like it feels good when you have you know the cessation of hostilities in a war and people get to walk home and the war is over okay so I don't think that there's anything particularly mysterious about that other than I don't know occurred during meditation prayer and even fasting I'm not sure what kind of thing they're talking about sometimes when people water fast and they when they have done this in certain ways of course Nathan is a it's a doctor that's that's extremely knowledgeable in water fasting you know that if people water fast mmm and they don't get enough water they're gonna start hallucinating right yeah and if you over did good hundreds of years ago they would call the medicine men right right you know we have you that Emily - yeah yeah they're right so now we got meditation okay I'm not sure what what spectacular feeling that is other than some people can calm down a lot of anxiety there and prayer you know I'm not sure what that is either this is a sort of feeling like there's a benign you know omnipotent or omniscient or powerful being with whom you can have some kind of contact and somehow that you feel there's a benevolent dominance that makes you feel safer so I can imagine many circumstances and particularly among primitive people's that they were their own they were their own survival troop they had their their survival and success or failure was going to depend on that group and they also no doubt for reasons that we'll explore in future podcasts evolved religious circuitry inside their minds likely contributing to some of these feelings that this person is talking about feelings of solidarity and oneness with our fellow brethren etc and so then they go on and say the purpose of life is to simply simply further one's personal happiness in order to maximize genes survival I just want to point out this isn't nitpicking this is just trying to be precise the purpose of your life is to maximize gene survival that's not the same thing as pursuing your happiness the purpose of life of your life doesn't have to be maximizing gene survival but the purpose of life is to maximize gene survival so therefore the neural architecture and the physical architecture physical architecture of all living things in the neural architecture of things that have neurons ie animal's behavior regulation mechanisms those those are absolutely designed to to compute environmental contingencies against the the individual body's strengths weaknesses rates and weaknesses and to to plot a behavioral trajectory in real time moment by moment that would optimize gene survival it's the best guess at the computer house now human beings can co-opt some of the machinery some of that machinery is going to be what we call good moods and good moods what we call happiness some people get ethereal about happiness about it some nirvana state somewhere in shangri-la I will have three dog night sing a song about it but that's not what happiness is what happiness is is ephemeral state of the brain that takes place when computations of the brain are are coming up with a printout that says that the current circumstances are good for Jin's survival and when the current circumstances have significant threats to gene survival and they've gotten worse for example so essentially mid states are trend indicators that will tell us whether or not things are getting better or things are getting worse the reason why you need a trend indicator is that if things are getting better even if they're shitty if things are getting better you start feeling better immediately and the reason why that's true is the system needs to know it needs a guiding system like a compass to tell it which behaviors seem to be effective increasing our likelihood of gin survival so you know you could be in really bad shape you could be in a tremendous amount of pain and then you know I don't know you drink some watermelon juice and six minutes later you feel quite a bit better don't think that you don't notice that so your your purpose the purpose that your architecture or physical and psychological architecture was designed for was maximizing genes survival however human beings can I can notice that sometimes maximizing genes survival isn't the same thing as maximizing their happiness and so that's what beater genes is all about it's about essentially trying to out think the machine that built you and it's impossible of course it's possible that's what birth control is birth control is the ultimate example of beating the genes in other words we want the same sex and lust and satisfaction and orgasms that take place with those are all of the incentives that the neural architecture put into your into you by virtue of gene design in order to get the damn genes reproduce so the genes created that architecture they created the possibility of you having those experiences because they evolve little by little to make those extremely gratifying in order to get the genes reproduced that turned out to be how the biochemistry of nature turns out to get that done now along the way it's willing to have screaming little brats keep you awake at night forever and basically have you ready to kill your spouse the idea of ever having Ted okay so point is is that a oh there's nothing about there's nothing about having a kid that optimized rapping now it would also be surprising that if having a child were not without great happiness potential for activating your circuits so it can and there might actually be you know watching them to be successful could be extraordinarily gratifying and it usually is for parents because the human parents and human parents invest heavily in those offspring survival believe me sharks don't smile and grin and brag to each other about how that their shark just ate some tuna fish and they're going to get laid no because they are not connected in that way human beings neural architecture makes it so that their happiness is extraordinarily complex in the sense that there are many situations that the human being is able to compute about what is and what isn't likely to be good or bad for genes survival and have its moods shift subtly and dynamically along the good/bad dimension as it as these feelings essentially tell the story to the organism about what it's behavioral strategy should be in the next moment now so now the person's question is you know how does evolutionary psychology interpreted spiritual experiences well we know what spiritual experiences are they're no different than any other experiences so whatever the woowoo feelings the organism is capable of having those were built into the neural design as a way to statistically increase the likelihood of genes survival now so now the person goes on and says wait a second haven't their people transcended this there's this guy Russell Brand who super successful got a lot of money and so forth so why is it that he turned to meditation and spirituality to find happiness instead found the experience of ascending status hierarchies as wholly unsatisfying I don't think so or he wouldn't have been that successful so I think we can see that whoever Russell Brand is I don't know who he is the first time I've heard his name I've heard of Steve Jobs and I've heard of Warren Buffett and I've heard of Bill Gates but I haven't heard a Russell Brand so I don't think he got to the top of dominance hierarchy but he was clearly successful guy and got a lot of money and status behind it and yet he decided to do something different with his existence and the reason why he did something different with it from its existence is because the things that were giving him satisfaction and clearly gave him a great deal of satisfaction in the pursuit of those things they they had diminishing returns so as a result he started realizing wait a second if I got like 40 million dollars what 2:41 going to do and it's not necessarily that easy to make 41 so is it you know am I on the Forbes 400 hmm I might be quite a ways away from that am i a billionaire yeah but you know what then nobody even knows my name hardly so as a result what this person might have done and I'm only speculating a course but since we're having an example the whole point of an example is to try to estimate why this would happen in principle whether it would happen with word you know sippers we contest what Dad yeah so you know the new stand-up comedian just add up comedian yeah and then he is an author or a radio host what's up and not a billionaire okay so we done under the English of comedian actor radios yeah bastard okay yeah right so it's going to turn out that now I'm hearing the story for the first time about his name and I'm hearing about that he turned his back on the acquiring of money of status and instead did this other thing really why am i hearing his name I'm hearing his name because he's achieving status in another domain that's what I'm hearing okay yeah if it was so satisfying to just medicate take quietly and pursue your quiet spirituality on a little river somewhere yeah you know in North Wales where nobody is and just toss little rocks into a stream then he would have been finding his happiness there and I wouldn't be hearing this story but I live in California I never heard of this guy and so now I'm hearing this guy's name because he done this completely different thing yeah I don't think so so what we really see is this is this the story no matter what the specific individuals process has been and hopefully what he found was that there was another type of another status market that was more satisfying for him to pursue okay so that's reasonable those are different women there's different women are going to be a it's a different sight psychological human that would be attracted to a guy who's spiritual guru as opposed to a guy who's driving a Rolls Royce and fancy motorcycles and telling jokes on stage different different market so so he may find that his personality is more attracted to those individuals and therefore this is a smarter way to go about accessing that market in other words it's a better advertisement for who he is so that would be you know things are going to happen people are going to change I remember one of one of the people that I admire most in this world now past is Harry Brown and a Harry Brown when he wrote his his best-selling book how to profit from the cup coming to evaluation he was about you know he's an investment adviser at all this so he's in a shirt tie and that's the picture and he got lucky in other words he wrote this book and very soon after that they'd evaluated the currency in America and so Brown became a you know a bit of a star in the financial world he didn't have any formal education he didn't have an MBA from Harvard he didn't have anything he was just a high school educated guy with a lot of brands and he had analyzed the situation carefully self-educated in economics and then he called it right and he got lucky and as a result of that as a result of that newfound success we then got to see who he really was and in the jacket photo of his magnificent book how I found freedom in an unfree world you see Harry Brown not clean-shaven but with a beard and you don't see him in a suit and tie you see him in some sloppy perfect I'm sure there's like that he's kicking back okay you get to see the real dude because now you realizes hey you know I can now be myself and expose to the world more clearly I don't have to play so carefully and defend my status and look you know credible I can now be Who I am so now Russell so-and-so here is now able he had a bunch of success and he now is able to do something that is potentially more aligned with who he is and good luck to him and I hope he's not in the Enlightenment trap which is the notion that we're pretending that we have transcended the need to earn a steam that doesn't happen and so he has not transcended such a need why do we want to talk a little bit more about what you just said the Enlightenment rep I want to leave that sir I don't know well we I think we talked about this before but yeah and there's a there's a series there's a set of situations or a set of options that human beings have when it comes to not competing in a given domain and so if you if you are struggling in a competitive domain no matter what that domain is whether it's commerce whether it's athletics whether it's attractiveness whether it's mating whether it's friendship whatever whatever the domain is on you if you are not achieving what it is that you are thinking that you should achieve where you would like to achieve then you're likely to become frustrated and then if you continue to put greater efforts in and continue to fail you're likely to get depressed so depression is going to be the necessary result of failure that will cause you to rethink and reanalyze and seek new information and basically pause on the output of energy on that behavioral strategy because that behavioral strategy is not yielding the results that would appear that they should so if you keep knocking on doors saying can I get a job here can I work here and you do that 37 times everybody says now then you start to stop doing it and you start thinking about how else you can do it and you may sit down on a street corner and look depressed and put your head in your hands and some some guy may stop by and say hey what's the matter kid and you say well you know I just have knocked on every door on the street and I ask them if they got a job for me and they say no and you say well that's not how you do it let me explain how you could say that differently how it is that you could pitch differently and let me explain why it is that that's not the best way to pitch it and so if somebody gives you some instruction possibly because that they see you're failing and see that you're psychologically disturbed you Sencha lee emotionally in pain ie depressed so they see this whether it's your mom your dad your sister your brother your cousin your friend your coach when they see you depressed it that that expression of depression is not an accident that's by evolutionary design for you to feel it and it's by evolutionary design for you to express it in your body posture facial expressions voice tone and even the words that you select so as a result you communicate that you're defeated and that you're out of ideas and that you no longer are willing to put out energy to compete in this arena but you're you are confused in other words you're depressed when you feel like you should have succeeded but you cannot and so then if somebody gives you new information that may may well if it looks plausible you'll it'll fire up your motivation and you won't be depressed anymore you may be anxious and you're excited and you're a little worried but you're not depressed you will shift out of that as the systems of emotion will cause you to be willing to expend energy along a new trajectory now if it turns out that that you believe well that their people actually have expectations higher than you believe you yourself can achieve then you're in the ego prep and the reason why you're somewhat depressed but you're also intimidated and you're essentially hiding from the competitive problem that's different than being depressed and then eliciting information to face the competitive problem so those are two different places where the human being can be okay another place that they can be is that they can act like they don't they have transcended the need to compete so it's a pose it's a flim-flam so I am above it all I no longer pursue wealth I don't need wealth I no longer pursued try to look cool for the opposite sex or the same sex if I'm so inclined or whatever I am beyond that I no longer I'm above it I have found you know higher things in human nature to to dedicate my time and energy to pure you have this is a posture okay and so it's a posture of an individual who is selecting an option here there's one another option that we will talk about and we will fill in the blanks on the options I believe that there are four options for people who are failure one of them is to be depressed and then go down that direction another is to be ego trapped another is to pretend to be enlightened and there's a fourth that I'm not going to reveal here because we are going to have in the in the upcoming weeks a brilliant newly minted PhD at Harvard University by the name of Gen Hawk we'll give her analysis of the fourth option and in doing so we will see in the coming weeks and months how the tentacles of her analysis of option number four will weave their way through political processes social processes cultural processes and the individual processes of human who get in certain situations where it's in their best interest to not compete so the Enlightenment trap is one of these versions and so the person that wrote this seems to me by the tone and the wording and the choices of the phrases seems to me to have been bamboozled by Russell Bland's and possible enlightenment pose if he's not making that pose somebody else's right now all over the world and every gurus making this sort of pose that they're above it all and it's a bluff and as we would expect when you're attempting to optimize your status one of the ways you would do it is by bluffing and so the enlightenment enlightenment trap is a is one of I believe four versions and we're going to keep looking very carefully about whether or not there's a fifth or a six if there's some things we're missing but I think dr. Hawke has got this analyzed I think it's down to four and so yeah so this is one of the big ones and it's a clever as hell strategy and sometimes it works which is why we got this question mm-hmm it is faster on that you say that because I can see this all over I mean I I suspected that that if this is true I mean of course this is coming from a listener who's describing russell guaran so we have you know so far have no idea about Russell specifically right right exactly but but it's interesting because I I suspect just like what you said is is if if if somebody has dedicated their life or status seeking as we all do and they give all the money and all the status and they still haven't figured out what what it is that they want to figure out which is what you talked about on the podcast human source code what life is all about and and essentially clearing up distortions you can imagine I can I can imagine someone searching for that and after having achieved so much they still don't know that so they can become depressed and if they if they listen and they hear something that corrects a distortion now they get very elated and they have what I guess they call a spiritual experience and then as they ruminate on it they may realize oh no and - not all that it's cracked out to be in today so they eventually give up and say well I'm just going to go meditate and be spiritual to try to find it you know work that's why we're talking that's what that's why this young doctor got my attention several years ago folks is because he's damn smart excellent Nathan that's very good thinking and so this is a people that have been very successful may absolutely find that tons of pseudo esteem is not actually causing their happiness circuits to go off and they're a little bit lost and confused by that because the whole thing looks like it's a big massive free-for-all to try to get as much pseudo steam as you could possibly get so that the whole world knows your name and and feels all behind it and yet if that even happens to you it may not cause moods of happiness to go off because moods of happiness are going to go off when you have earned a scheme in the right way from the people that matter and so this is so absolutely people like this gentleman and other people could absolutely be realizing wait a second I managed to get even more successful than I would have thought but it wasn't in the right way from the people that matter and so as a result they they they wander the earth looking for something and they may find themselves in a spiritual pursuit of some kind trying to find a compass that takes them home and what we are doing here is trying to identify explicitly with the lens of science and theory of evolution to try to figure out what that path is and I think we know I think I think that once you once you look at human motivational architecture through the lens of evolution it becomes crystal clear what it is that will really work and what works is you know figure out who it is that matters to you do you admire who you attracted to who do you love you know what who what is it that and who is it that is most valuable to you and then you go seek the esteem earning it in the right way from those individual no shortcuts you know no you know no bluffing you know that doesn't mean you have to be perfect and you're not going to make mistakes we're all going to do that but the general compass says be real be honest be you know do your excellent thing as a human that you can do in order to engage in trade processes with the people that you find the most valuable for you and that that is where your happiness will be founded yeah it's fascinating because I wonder if there was ever a investigation as to the professions of people who end up you know feeling like they haven't found enlightenment you know I mean aren't they haven't found the truth is if it happens to be more entertainers and unstable type jobs you know this guy's obviously a comedian so a lot more pseudo steam possibilities than say someone like jobs who actually predict quite a bit you know I mean right whereas I've talked about a couple entertainers and they feel like they didn't produce as much for the village GME yeah fascinating really good thinking yeah entertainment in the industry literally by design is pseudo esteem I mean literally if you're a great actor you're playing a part for God's sakes you didn't do the thing that the hero in the part did you just played the part so you can be getting pseudo esteem as if you're the hero that played the part but you didn't do anything of the kind and so yeah this whole that whole arena is as you would say right for a bunch of distortion confusion and some possibly disillusion successful people so all good great think encouraged all right our next question okay so we're going to turn the ship around a little bit instead of pseudo something I were talking about sibling rivalry so how interesting to me because the first time I heard about sibling rivalry was in my psychology class in college and didn't make any sense but what made sense to me I was one you talked about something to do with siblings I think one of the first lectures I heard you talk about you just mentioned in passing that I believe it was that mothers will lose the the kids you know if they lose track of their kids it'll be the least attractive ones more more so than the other right so I remember just getting lost all the time as a kid compared to my two sisters and I just stuck with me ever since you are my eyes let me back to my mom all right so yeah yeah let's hear it oh yeah did you want to say something about that study did I know there was a sibling okay dear dr. Lyle when there's multiple siblings and family which do the parents tend to favor the most for example my brother is much my brother this is not my sister writing this my brother had attracted to me a bit less smart than I am a bit more agreeable but very very conscientious and therefore a better trader my dad blatantly sends him many more positive extreme signals than myself while I've accepted this treatment on an emotional level I'm still interested as to why it exists on an intellectual level I'm 30 and he's 27 I'm married with the child and he's never had a girlfriend however this favoritism started back way back in high school when my dad would treat his football coaches to steak dinners and then give my brother growth hormones to get bigger is this because he was hoping to improve his overall fitness I would ultimately consider my brother five what say you can you go yeah um yeah all good observations this looks like a like you know this isn't some conjured up letter that Dear Abby wrote to herself so that you could have a cute answer now this is the real deal and so we're seeing all the threads here as they come together the yeah so in this case I'm hearing about one sibling so let's just assume for the sake of argument that we have two siblings maybe there's four on the family but we're going to and it wouldn't matter but it would it's particularly obvious if there's two so you can imagine that I want you to imagine a poor family and there's seven children and there are six six dusters that aren't fancy and there's one genetic star the right move from that poor family in Bangladesh or wherever they are or you know in Southeast Louisiana or whatever the heck it is the right thing to do is to put your chips on the winter if you've got one that may break out and ascend hierarchies and become very successful the right thing to do is to put your chips on that one if however you've got quite a few chips you're you know middle-american solid decent family with plenty of resources and you've got two kids and one of them is clearly genetically superior to the other they're better looking they're smarter they're taller they're more athletic they're more suave everything about them then your job as a parent is to actually optimize your own genetic success so the winner is going to have plenty of resources to make sure that they optimize their trajectory unlike the the winner that's coming from some little Dust Bowl where there's hardly enough resources to get them out to the market in that case we've got to get that individual out to the market where they can compete and thrive in this case we don't have to do that so this guy the person that wrote this letter has had plenty of resources perfectly good English completely intelligent obviously follows complex arguments that we talk about here plenty of shops married kid done ok if you're the parents of this of these two kids you look at the situation and look how true it is so here we are now the child is now at one point the difference between the ages was 10 and 7 and the older child was clearly solid as a rock going to be successful and always going to be well we didn't have to worry about that one the we have to just make sure that they have enough resources that they're not hampered in their competitive in the marketplace our problem is with the seven-year-old it's with the little brother clearly the little brothers in trouble so what we're going to do is we are going to give that little brother all these same signals are so important we love you you know we're behind you whatever it is that you need to compete we're going to do everything we can we're going to even give you steroids as a teenager for god sakes and what is the outcome nothing 27 years old no girlfriend never had one oops so I'm not so sure the brothers five the mother may be a three okay all things considered that kids in trouble so might be at five it is but behaviorally definitely not a five because the average the average five has had a girlfriend by the time they're twenty seven so here we are the so that the dad was reading the situation perfectly and realizing that what needed to happen was the resources needed to be differentially more heavily invested in the less genetically successful kid and that's what's going on so so you can see that it isn't a simple algorithm where oh we always invest in the fancy one or we always invest in in the in the low-end one no it's dynamic it depends upon the entire context of the situation and the jeans are smart enough to say how should you expend your resources as a parent okay one of the sad things that that any of us have seen is how mammals in nature will treat their children and I can remember watching a documentary on a tiger and mama tiger had three cubs and it was heartbreaking because they said three cubs is tough for a mom to raise and they probably won't all make it and so what happened is it showed that within within you know a couple of months the two the two of the Cubs were big and strong and healthy and the third one was definitely the runt and it was in trouble I was having a hard time keeping up and we'd start to strata straggle behind and mom never looked back and didn't care okay and that third click hub was one day missing from the camera crew and it was gone and the mom mom didn't have the resources and was not designed psychologically to to be trying to make sure they all lived we're throwing three of them at the wall we're going for two out of three if we get lucky and all three happen to make it and we're in a benign environment then what the hell but we're not going to sweat it when the when the runt gets in trouble humans are no doubt similarly ruthless but fortunately are now not in circumstances where they have to be that way and so what you're seeing here is the opposite which is that hey we don't have to worry about the star we have to worry about the rent and so that's that's what that's what's actually going on here
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