Home 🏠 🔎 Search


Bad Transcripts
for the
Beat Your Genes Podcast & More

Episode 170: Is knitting a sexual display, Is sexual inexperience a turn off
an auto-generated transcript


To get a shareable link to a certain place in the audio,
hover your mouse over the relevent text,
right click, and "copy link address"
(mobile: long press & copy link address)
 


today we've got a couple of good questions on one is the title of this show today is called is knitting a sexual display and comes from a question from one of our listeners and then a couple of questions about sexual experience and how that plays out in the dating market before we get to the questions though just published this Monday so a couple of days ago was a article in the journal Current Biology and the name of the article is males with a mother living in their group have higher paternity success in Banda Bo's but not chimpanzees hmm so it turns out that Bona Bona thers frequently they will drag their sons into close proximity with menstruating females or estrus females so they do a couple of other things that prove that enables the the sons to have higher paternity success so in addition to dragging them to close proximity they pretends as mating attempts from interference by other males so I guess it's not even a wing man it's a wing woman they interfere in the mating attempts other mailing dick yeah oh yeah we're bad wing bitch the tough old lady can go ahead stop somebody else from getting to the girl hilarious and they also interfere and this is interfere with the mating attempts of other males yeah and they also form coalition's with their sons to help them acquire and maintain the high dominance rake rank right and so as it turns out there was an Israeli article that published the same they put the Journal article but the news article titled the their piece Jewish mother gene found in bonobos and the subtitle was you think your mom is bad just wait till you find the lady bonnet that that is priceless oh my god alright so that it turns out that inaudible males without mother living in the group and at the time of conception they were about three times more likely to sire offspring and male that did not and this they observed the difference between the Bona bows and the chimpanzees so male dance actually who had a mother present when they tried to put on the moves were actually one one and a quarter times less likely to sire offspring and Wow the primary author who was Martin sir Beck is the Max Planck Institute for evolutionary anthropology he's hypothesizing that this is because females are actually subordinate to males in chimp chimpanzee communities unlike in Bonneville communities where they're more more level so the other interesting thing was the team only saw that Bonneville mother's helping sons not the daughters yeah so in the bonobo system that the daughters leave the community while the sons stay there when the daughters leave then they they encounter a different kind of female support system which is they they closely they form an alliance with the females who run the new home so this is an interesting article and I thought it fit well with our topic today mmm-hmm yeah well I think I think the interesting thing about this is that that we start to see I mean it's entertaining as all get-out but we start to see that that essentially that what living things are is they are often part of a gene team in in certain animals humans definitely being one of them so they are able to keep track you could call it that in quotes of where their genes are located and that they use their time and energy to aid and abet the genetic success of their genes and no matter where they're located if they're located inside their own body or they're located inside the body of close relatives so the any event the we're going to find all kinds of twists and turns on this and now people are starting to wake up to understand that one of we all have intuited that of course we would help our brother or sister if they are injured or sick or need something but we we haven't been thinking along reproduction language so we we haven't been thinking along that it's in our best interest to be seeing that our first-degree relatives would be more successful in terms of mating and and so yeah I've actually I've said and I was may not be correct but I may be correct that humans are the only species to meddle in the mating choices of their offspring now now we're starting to see that here in the bonobos they're there they are involved in they're not involved it doesn't look like necessarily they're involved in the choices but they're involved in influencing the success in the mating which is fascinating so it's not too far of a leap to the bunny bizarre highly relative to humans just outrageously promiscuous so the it's going to be more of a numbers game how many meetings does a male get as opposed to Hui mates with whereas in humans choice and because there's so much paternal investment that goes into offspring males have evolved very high discerning circuits for evaluating female mate value which is a very often not the case through most of the animal kingdom so it would be unlikely that male bonobos have a lot of opinions or feelings about the differences between relative females if she's fertile she's fertile and that's that the but that let's see where I was going with this I had a point to this to this thinking the well so the the fact that choice of specific individuals actually makes an enormous difference in human long-term mating successes because of the huge investments that are involved in males making these choices and also the females are making enormous investments so they have always throughout the history of the animal kingdom they have been very choosy they've been they are the the original sort of the original fussy mating machine it's a female as they as they're designed by nature to look for sexy cues on the parts of males in different species in order to pick the sexiest males now the as we go forward with this what we're going to see is a kind of what is probably unique maybe someone knows that it's not unique maybe somebody listening knows something that I haven't heard but I believe that we are unique species where the individual differences of the specimens is so important for both sexes so much so that you also have such a big brain and gene tracking devices sitting inside the parents of an adult offspring that they're going to be super fussy and have very high strong opinions and feelings and even action to interfere fear with the mating choices of their offspring that that is extraordinary but now that we see this action on the part of the female bonobos chimp we're seeing the the the outline of how it is that this could easily evolve so very interesting great study and it's really great that it came from Israel [Laughter] my mother is far too pleasant to be the wing bitch but Lord Mayer she's try different times all right all right God all right dr. Lyle well our first question comes from actually before we get to the questions I actually had a friend of mine who listens to the show here and there and and he tells me he heard somewhere that the anxiety of levels of kids today would put a 1950s kid in a mental hospital and he wanted to know if there was any truth to that no all right moving on as totally ridiculous yeah that you know you'll just see people just patting themselves on the back all over the place yeah there's a I think I think there's a comedian that I really liked bill Burke and he talked about how some time on Oprah somebody was saying she you know being a mom that's hardest job in the world and verse it really girls you got to be kidding me like why you patting yourself on the back being a mom it's not the hardest job of the world try getting shot at as you get out of a boat you know stone storming the beaches of Normandy tried digging coal okay there's a lot of hard jobs in the world being a mom it's a challenging job and can be very challenging obviously and very worthwhile rewarding and effort filled and everything else but the hardest job in the world I don't think so and so by the same notion the notion that kids today you know have so much anxiety they just got it so much tougher in some fashion is utterly ludicrous and no there's no truth in to a few and what we got Baker was copying the mother is the most difficult job on the planet oh yeah who died every year for black lung from inhaling all that coal dust the women are just constantly patting themselves on the back okay oh my god boy you found it that is really good yeah we got to give you a raise that's well done all right all right well our first question yeah now that we've offended half our audience now yeah okay dr. Lyle on a recent episode you said that the things we do in our free time are usually sexual displays well I do like playing music I play a couple of instruments I guess that could be considered a sexual display but I don't really perform I just do it because I enjoy it and I'm a woman my biggest pastime however is knitting my dating coach told me when I put photos of myself on my profile to have a headshot a full-body shot and some pictures of me doing interesting things I said great I'll have my friend take a picture of me knitting and also sitting in front of a my spinning wheel I was told that men are not interested in those things and not to use them on my profile so as my dating coach wrong about knitting being a sexual display or are there other reasons we do things in our free time besides sexual displays in a more primitive time being able to knit would help the tribe stay clothed and warm so it does have some value sure yeah the dating coach knows next to nothing as we would expect however they're right about it's your face and figure that what's going to matter and so whether you're in front of a spinning wheel or you're in front of you know crowd with it with a microphone in front of you or have a heavy violin or guitar none of it's going to make any difference what's going to count is going to be the your face in your figure so the the rest of it is kind of irrelevant and if you happen to be interested in knitting go ahead and put it on there if it's it if we think it's a relatively accurate transmission or signal of the kind of person that you are and the kinds of things that you like to do you know but certainly there isn't so quite a sort of an interesting thing like men like this or men like that as if were one group with one list of things that we find interesting about other people the we have high correlation coefficients but not perfect correlation coefficients with what we find physically attractive however would be what we find interesting about humans is extraordinarily varied and so as a result you know you go ahead and take pictures that in some way may encapsulate who it is that you are inside that's as good a good a decision as there is you don't try to play to the broadest part of the market for God's sake that's ludicrous now the do we do things for other than sexual display reasons sure there's two reasons why we do things we do things for survival improvement or we do things for a reproductive improvement so so absolutely you could be knitting to do to do something productive you actually are are essentially doing something useful there's nothing about doing something useful that doesn't also make it a sexual display so I can remember some I don't know what ad it was was for life kind of Aqua Velva or not another fruit of a loom it showed a bunch of really hot guys with their their shirts off you know on a construction site and so and then all the women in an office building we're gathering together at noon because that's when the oh is Pepsi there's going to be a Pepsi break and so then the guys they gather together and some of them are taking their shirt offs take a break to cool down while they open up a Pepsi and then all the girls get weak in the knees watching this so the the construction site has behind it the and doing of the construction action is physically demanding it's you know it's even unpleasant it's hot so it's showing toughness out there then of course it you know it take takes muscles to move that stuff it takes enough intelligence to know how to put something together to to use any tool effectively and also there's a coordinated effort and a coalition that's working together to get something done and if your guy is out there and he's really handsome and strong and he's working hard and he's sweaty in the hot Sun then but he's got some other guys around too so he hasn't been kicked out of the group he's not a solitary animal then then this is these are all fitness indicators so the is he doing something useful and productive yes he is he's rearranging the atoms of the world in order to serve human needs and in doing so he's being paid to do it so he's a member of a trading community so that part part of the utility that trading community is things like health insurance food shelter and dental floss so there's a there are survival needs that are being being met there but as well as reproductive needs so you can imagine that knitting a sweater imagine a bunch of people getting together and we find out that Sarah over there it's not only pretty nice looking but she also knitted you know this big blanket that somebody's using well that just might catch some mails I it's like oh she's actually somebody that has the diligence and the coordination to actually produce something useful okay so that so what is survival was reproduction starts to get blurred there and so that's why also so now so that's how that works the other thing is is that the fact that she likes to play the guitar or make music this is we're going to find that certain kinds of actions are going to probe the prototypical of the species for things that they like to do because they are in fact fitness indicators so a lot of people like athletics because athletics winds up being a fitness indicator that's been used for you know a million years or longer in almost any species it's been used for the females to try to discern the differences of gene quality of the males so in this particular species it's going to turn out that as I stated earlier with respect to with respect to parental fussiness of mating decisions it's going to turn out that because there's such a high paternal investment in offspring the males are also going to get super fussy about who they mate with and as a result they're going to be looking to females for their Fitness indicators and so the the Fitness indicators of a female aren't going to be just solely sex-typed like how why do your lips and whether or not you twirl your hair and toss your head you know in an attractive fashion it's going to also be true that you probably want to be carrying the genes that like to do things that males need in order to be competitive because you want to be passing on the dose of those thing to your sons so it wouldn't be surprising to find that females are sometimes interested in athletics now it's interesting to me how little they're interested in athletics but they are and some of them are more interested than others and what's actually also interesting is that they're they're interested in singing and they're interested in music and so the and so it doesn't surprise me at all that a female who might may not be thinking about displaying those things in terms of any kinds of am a detraction process in her own life they carry the genes for performance and an enjoyment of singing and making music that would be then potentially passed on her sons and so she might find herself liking this and not have the dots even connect in her own life to anything that winds up being a sexual display but there it sits and it might be discovered by a sitter sometime and in fact she told us okay so very often things that that they can people can have as quiet displays they may not need that they may not be that prominent for them and they may not be thinking boy do I want to get on the balcony and show this Fitness indicator but they may simply need things that they like to do and that's certainly what I find in my participation sports so when I'm when I'm playing basketball I'm actually wanting to earn the esteem of the guys on the court and the impart part of that is probably survival instinct but I want to be a well-regarded member of the pack and therefore get a share of the meat of any kills that we have and be protected reasonably in if I get caught in the crossfire with respect to a village warfare so I want to be a member of Good Standing but I also want them to think well of me so that when their sisters and daughters and mothers chitchat that I am seen as someone with Letta capability that is respected and so so in other words it's a wider pseudo esteem process that I'm seeking and I'm not necessarily this does not have to be conscious at all the guys in the gym I don't think are conscious to this at all it's an unconscious mechanism of enjoying a process that has been long associated in the species as a legitimate fitness indicator so that's a that and males are going to that's going to run hotter in males and it's going to run in females and females the things that's going to run hotter and females is going to be direct effort to try to make their own physical presentation more beautiful okay that would make sense so because more of their reproductive values sits on the on the outside so that's that's how that's going to go down like that's a fantastic goal Alexa mmm one thing I really appreciate about your advice with regards to stating that we've talked about before in shows is you know why should this person hide the fact that they like knitting if that's going to turn off a guy why not get it out of way instead of a tractor I who doesn't like someone who knits it right wait the deception yeah we wanna we want to place quite honest advertisements and obviously there's a there's a process by which we aren't completely open the reason why we're not completely open is it's kind of a foolish way to proceed in life because other people could take advantage of information that we leaked that's unnecessary for them to know we don't necessarily want them to know our weaknesses so so there's a process of unfolding and displaying who it is that we are but the but the more the more transparent in general the better now in this person's case do you think maybe they can over exaggerate to absurdity and like have a knitting wheel with like this ridiculously big blanket or with it with whatever with a with with a gray wig on and granny glasses no yeah obviously but we could have in other words we might have five photos each of them showing somewhat different content area but that might be one of them and and that that is a if it deals like that in other words what we're trying to do is we're trying to display the big five plus IQ and so we need to think about is this a you know knitting would be essentially what would it what would it this is speak to me speaks to me a little bit of conscientiousness to some degree possibly somewhat introverted and possibly somewhat emotionally stable so there was someone who's quiet just does something repetitively likes to complete tasks etc so that's what those things speak to me and so those two somebody those things are a are positive attributes just someone else might take one look at that and says hell no every chance I get we're going to Vegas and anybody that wants to knit or wooden it doesn't fit on my agenda fine so so the idea would be we want our photography to if it's going to convey anything at all it's going to try to convey you know what we're trying to convey in the big five about who it is that we are fascinating all right dr. Maura next question dr. Lyle I'm a dateless and kissless male virgin with severe social anxiety order disorder at the age of 25 yeah there these are a litany of insecure questions rolled into one how could a socially romantically sexually inexperienced competitively disadvantaged and inept individual ever hope to gain any form of success within the dating market what would be the optimal way to ease myself into this scene without fumbling too hard and ruining my chances would I be rejected on this basis if I chose to disclose this information upfront or would to be any way of concealing this at all what type of people would be most compatible for an individual like me seeking to improve their social skills and maturity in the process agreeable types or am i tarnished person for this and have I effectively impaired any potential due to Mac stagnation okay we're going to we're going to act like this is a real question because perhaps it is the one thing the person has is pretty high intelligence and they've got also got some real courage to be asking these things and so they've got attributes that would be attractive on that score the now with all this anxiety and so certain little comments were made like have I wrecked my chances etc well life is long you got a lot of chances and the sooner we learn how to manage these challenges the better so this is why God created match.com but this is a if you actually had to go up and tap tap a girl on the shoulder in a library and grit your teeth which is what I did when I was a young man then this is very very difficult yeah yeah but did you have a wing bitch on your side that's the question [Music] missing piece of the puzzle dr. Lyle oh my god I didn't have any such advantage so so now what the notion here is that you use something like a dating app app like this and that's a very sort of pair-bond oriented button-down non racy app so it would fit pretty well our young guy I think if we were look at the demographics on something like eHarmony I think it's older people it's one notch older so maybe I'm not sure that match is is a little too old for our 25 year old guy but not too old so there's going to be some button-down conservative young ladies on there probably and that's exactly who it is that we're looking for now the good news is is that you know obviously you pay attention to little details so you you take good photography you you take direction from the website about how to write a profile you know don't write a book and don't write three lines we're writing towards big five is what we're trying to do and the issue is here you can't lose them all and you won't so you may lose almost all of them but you're not going to lose them all and the person considers themselves very disadvantaged in a multitude of ways and that may be but that's only relative to certain sectors of the competitive market that this individual sits somewhere on the bell curve and somewhere near them on the bell curve on either side of their location there is a market okay so that that market they may not be wild about that market and they may indeed reach beyond that market and they may get a great deal of rejection that welcome to life of everybody that's you know beneath the 80th percentile so the that's fine that you can learn to live with that kind of that's not the kind of rejection of tapping somebody on the shoulder of the library this is just writing an email for God it's alright so you can write Knight simple emails you read what the person says in their profile and you you react to that and speak to that this person can write a letter to us quite articulately so they can they can do this as well to prospects that are looking for companionship on the other side and then what you have to do is if you ever are successful we need to be getting ready and so we need to understand that you know you've basically got sort of an hour interview you're going to meet somebody for lunch okay the I wouldn't do dinner right off the bat that's probably in over your head so but I would meet somebody maybe even for quote coffee or lunch possibly so you're going to try to make it a relatively intermediate level meeting and then what you're going to do is you're going to prepare for this so if you had a class where you had to give a speech and you had to you know this was your whole grade was going to be on the line for this class at the end of the quarter or the end of the semester do you think you would practice do you think you would write the thing do you think you would go over it and over it and you know be editing it and then have your big sister look at the thing of course you would and so then you would practice on your practice again and you would practice again and you would stumble okay and then you would get better and by the time you would practice that speech you know 30 times you'd be halfway decent at it and that's exactly what an individual like this needs to do so what you're doing is you're facing basically something that remotely looks like an hour conversation and so your job is to see if you can get them talking for at least half of it and with any luck if you ask enough questions and you know how to ask those questions and you know questions you're asking you might be able to get them to talk for 40 minutes of it you only got to talk for 20 so you're going to script this out and know what kind of questions you're going to ask you're going to be anticipate getting what is that they're going to say and then you're going to be figuring out what additional questions you can ask after this so you're a little bit like a young clinical psychologist that has no idea what to do with a client in the room but you better start figuring it out and then you start realizing after a while if you watch other people but there's a scheme give it a go you know what do you how do you doing today what's going on what sorts of did you have any trouble finding the place okay so oh good well obviously they're there you know nobody's ever said to me well I'm here aren't I they're just friendly little this is what we call a patter okay so it's a friendly little set of innocuous interchanges that we use and and then we go from there to ask them more more in-depth questions about their life no big deal like oh we're what what do you do okay and that's easy and then we we follow up from there so we better kind of have in our memory bank a whole bunch of questions that we're going to ask and then we're also going to know that they will reciprocate so hopefully they're just a shy or nervous we are and so what's they probably are and so in any rate that what's going to happen is they're going to use the reciprocal process they're just going to mirror what is that we do so they're going to turn right around and asks us questions about where we're from and what we do and what we like and what kind of music we like and you know what do you do on weekends and you know how do you like the people you work with and you have any brothers or sisters and blah blah okay so we're going to be ready and for some of those questions we're going to have little 30-second to 45 second little stories attached to it that tell a little goofy thing about ourselves and but it's a little bit funny and interesting and you're like well how the hell did you do that answer you practice it you script it use your intelligence and you look at other you know you get help and so what you want is you want to make sure that you walk in there armed with ten little answers those questions that you're very likely to get and you're going to just roll this thing out and you're going to know what is is you're going to say and you know what you're going to be halfway interesting and that's all you need to do you just need to survive it so the you it's kind of it's kind of interesting to note most of us just stumble our way through this with just barely enough social skill survive then we lived five another day I can remember I was I was in the 11th grade and Wilson High School in Long Beach and I was in a it's like a poetry class or I think or submit it was semantics with a football coach of all things and and there was a couple athletes in there and it were pretty cool I can't sing one of them is name was Paul nother one's name was mark they wore their Letterman's jackets and they were they were pretty cool but it's kind of a female class because it was like semantics and poetry or something so for some strange reason there was like three of us guys in there and then there was another guy that was like a hippie and there says like six seven guys in there maybe in about 20 women and and some at some point the the prof said or the not prof I was mr. Barnett said well you guys remember what it was like on your first day and I can remember it like it was yesterday was 40 years ago and I can remember this guy that was quite extroverted and cool me and Paul was on the football team really nice guy he he goes oh and he puts his hand over his eye and mark over jerky he was tall handsome basketball player also just looked down and shook his head side to side and just chuckled like both of them had that first case maybe while I remember my first day was terrible okay it was just just a disaster so I thought it was very good it was like my group there like oh well these guys messed it up I've been perfectly good company so the point is for our questioner you're gonna mess it up and as we all did and maybe not some of us so some of us are too cool I'm sure Alan Goldhamer didn't mess up his first date he was in charge okay but I did okay and my other friends did and so join the club and you it's it's a you know trial by fire you get through it I didn't prepare like this though I did prepare carefully you know my car was clean let me tell you that and I knew where we were going and I had like money and not only in my wallet but I had like $20 in my shoe just in case I lost my oh let me a gas in the car too like you know I was in pretty good shape for that day all right and I survived it and so that's what you do your job is to survive and down these other questions I wouldn't disclose the fact this is your first date this is not information that person needs you prepare and they won't think that this is your first date they'll never occur to them the the fact that you may be very anxious that's just part of your personality it's okay we'll live with it the if you're so anxious that you can't even face it go to some your dock and get a beta-blocker and that just may knock down the anxiety you'll get drunk yeah and finally the you're 25 years old you're not too late at all you're actually very young and it's it's never too late to learn the and so this I I remind myself of this a lot there's things that I don't know and I've avoided and I'm slightly embarrassed that I don't know and I and I remind myself it's never too late to learn I had a basketball coach in junior high named Andrew Logan and we were a very good team Allen was on that team he was he was good and we were a good team and we were pretty confident we were beating everybody by a lot and one day mr. Logan starts to go takes the ball and starts to talk about situations and says do you know what the rule is and here we were thought we were so smart we listen to Chick Hearn called Laker games since we were little kids we knew everything there was to know about Jerry West we thought we knew everything and we didn't know anything one situation after the next he would say and we didn't know and he would say it's never too late to learn and I thought boy you know I'm sure glad we're learning now because I didn't know the rule and I never forgot that it's never too late to learn if you're 25 years old and you haven't had a date no problem prepare the best you can and grit your teeth on match.com write a hundred emails and somebody out there is going to give you a yes it might be one in a hundred but you will probably get 100 the and when you do you may meet her instantly and you may be completely uninterested in she may be completely uninterested in you and you grit your teeth and you go through the process and you ask her the questions and you survive it okay and there will be an exhilarating feeling of your self-esteem when you get through this thing like diving off the high dive to graduate from the Y swimming thing so you did it you didn't want to do it but you did it and the second one is a lot easier and then the third one's a lot easier still and by the sixtieth one you're merely lousy you're not a disaster okay so there's a there's a course a very reasonable learning curve with this and to be reasonable by the time you've gone on you know 15 first dates you're going to be pretty good and you're going to you're going to understand people and natural script of that process and you will you know you'll be on your way alright thank you dr. Lila I guess it's about time I go on my first date huh let's go all right what else do we alright our next question is from the females perspective but slightly different so dr. Lila I'm a twenty twenty year old female and I recently had my first date with a guy I've been friends with for a couple of years so I'm wondering if and when I should tell him that that was my first date and in general how much information about your relationship or sexual history should one reveal in the first few dates I wouldn't be revealing anything about that the that that's not actually that that useful and important information and it may lead to them making some entrances that that don't make any sense for them to be making so we wouldn't want to we wouldn't necessarily want want to be leading with any information like that so what we're trying to do is we're trying to be pretty transparent about our personalities that's different and so we're going to we're going to reveal other things about ourselves about things that we like things that we don't like things we like to do with our time what our hopes dreams are what we're planning what our next goals are etcetera that's all legit but specifically our dating history or sexual history I don't see that that's that that's something that you need to do now you could later and if it's if it's appropriate in any way sometimes people will do that and the and that's fine because it may it may be a method for a person showing something about themselves like my ex-husband was a bastard and my one before that was a back yeah I actually could remember a date I had with the young lady when we were young and we went out we were at a place in very nice restaurant in in Tiburon in in the Bay Area in California and was out on the patio was issues attractive young lady and and I was you know very hopeful at least I had gotten a date and she sat there for two hours and just complained bitterly about her pants that's right so there you go I got the information that I needed to make rational decisions at that point the yeah you can agree in your date nighters so hate spiders you love smoothies and this young lady should definitely make sure she communicates her love for NBA basketball now that that would Sally all right so yeah don't don't bother revealing that specific history reveal other things about yourself that's that makes the most sense in the early going and now for later on in the relationship like I've never I've never revealed those types of things in long-term relationships never saw me too but I always was curious because I do have friends who say that that's something that they talk about what their significant others or at least people that they're dating early on meiosis but but yes is there ever a time to reveal that sort of thing just these arias theories or sort of personality issues so somebody like yourself is crafty and offensive and manipulative Nate you would never do the truth is is that these are personality issues and so for myself my very very short and an uninteresting dating career I will I will talk about people that have been important to me or things that I've learned because that's a that's a way for me to have somebody understand me okay so they're your relationships so for example it's a it's a non-trivial thing to explain that not only were you married but that your ex-wife and you are good friends and that you respect each other a lot so that that's speaking volumes so that that that is a valuable transmission of information about you and it's also in some ways a necessary one so for myself this says okay I'd been married okay so if I was in my 50s and had never been married it's like hmm never hmm why is that guy that that starts to possibly paint a picture that that I wouldn't necessarily want them to be making and so it would be in other words I wouldn't want to act like I'm unable and unwilling to be in a committed relationship so but these so that's a perfectly good place to display that history and to talk a little bit about that relationship and and particularly highlighting the fact that it's that it's very amicable and so that that's uh so in other words there's a time and place where our stories about who we are and and who's been in our lives it makes some sense to reveal those I think that's more likely be the case said you know 40 or 50 than it is at 22 so uh so anyway yeah go ahead yeah and what I've never had a problem revealing that's kind of stuff but when questions like oh how many sexual partners have you had or stuff like that is that just someone trying to figure out if someone's playing casual mating strategy versus versus pair-bond strategy or yeah I think that that's in there as well as impulsiveness as well as sort of just sexual adventurousness in general you know I'm saying so that'd be someone trying to cross examine you you specifically about your sexual personality and your sexual personality could be a fairly important personality characteristic in in in any kind of mating but particularly in long-term mating so those are you know those to the extent that that that information might lead them to make entrances that would be it would be more likely to be incorrect about you you may want to go a peg on those things and so that's but the but in in general we want to be reasonably open about who we are but we don't need to be real specific about it about details
Back to the top
🏃     👖




Artist