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Episode 134: Nostalgia, Studying for MCAT, Getting asked health questions
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this jest and in the news earlier this month there was a group of psychologists from King's College London and the University of Southampton they were examining whether bad weather can trigger feelings of nostalgia and through a series of I think it was for experiments they found that actually does that hearing wind Thunder and to some extent rain all led to subjects feeling increased nostalgia and in disinvest the weather induced nostalgia was also linked with increased feelings of self-esteem positive effect social connectedness and optimism now I like reading these articles because right away I'll send them to you just because I think I want to hear your take on it cuz ya give a much more complete answer and so anytime I see things increasing self-esteem without actual hard work behind it I always write a little red foot and as go off so it seemed that most of this study seemed to make sense but I wanted to hear what your take on this was yeah first of all when a a lot of the things that they measure in psychology they're they're just they don't know what the hell they're measuring so they they'll put something on there like why feel good about myself and they in that that's a that's is that they're going to use that as an index of self-esteem or I feel more confident you know I feel like I could do things you know better than other people who knows how they do it in other words they so I'm we have to look at whatever they think that they think they're measuring was a very sloppy conceptually so I'm never you know anybody thinks that they're measuring self-esteem there they're usually measuring confidence is what they're measuring so you know I think that other people would like me that's not self-esteem that's uh that is that's measuring confidence but that's what they think they're measuring and it turns out that you're also self self esteem scales and depression scales correlate beautifully so the essentially self what what they measure a self esteem is essential the antithesis of depression so the that's how that's how it comes across so the way I think about self-esteem is is more precise and it ferrets out it gets us away from self-confidence which I can understand why bandura jumped up and down tried to explain to everybody that that self perceived self-efficacy was not the same thing as self-confidence it it isn't they're very very similar in fact perceived self-efficacy causes self-confidence self-confidence is a feeling that is based upon a person's perception of efficacy the self esteem is something very different the work that is required to to work at something to do well that will cause the self-esteem mechanism to be enhanced in other words your internal audience will watch you and give you positive feedback the work that you do will then increase your self-confidence because you will improve and so the or as bandura would argue it will increase your self-efficacy which will increase your self-confidence so these are these are they're in a related phenomena but they are they're not the same thing so anyway okay that's a bit of a sideways discussion so now we're going to look at what's curious about this I you told me about this last week and I found this very interesting and I I actually read somewhere and I believed it I could never put my finger on the sentence where I read this but it seems to me that it was in tubing cosmides or it may have been in Steven Pinker's somewhere buried or somebody else that there's a feeling for humans when they are indoors and protected and the weather is bad that that is a good feel and that's a very interesting very interesting feeling it's probably I'm trying to think about why that is I haven't thought it all through yet I think it's because your your imagination can imagine what it would be like to be out of the bad weather and the fact that you are out of the bad weather you know is creating a Delta between where you are and where you could be and it's it's similar to thinking that oh boy I you know like you the good feeling that you might have after just missing somebody in a potential auto accident so whoo whoo that was close okay that feels feels a relief okay so you can you can imagine that staring at lightning and thunder and seeing a landscape get drenched and it's dark for foreboding all of that when you are huddled in and warm and safe creates a creates a difference which you know could generate good feelings in the organism now the fact that good feelings like that could generate nostalgia is curious I have no idea why they were thinking that it would do such a thing I'm not I have no idea why and did they come up with any do they suggest any theory as to why that would be not really they did they did four different studies that kind of pieced this together and they were just they were surveys and they relayed cert they didn't didn't really figure out why this would happen was happening right interesting so some strangely enough this is a this is an example of you know psychologists some some some one of those people that was involved in this got it in their noggin and because they noticed it in themselves and I almost I can almost agree with them in other words I kind of get the feeling that they're right about this and I'm not sure why this would be but it like I said it escapes me why this would be true but it doesn't surprise me that they have found this there's a there's a feeling of of this feeling of being safe and then potentially being huddled in with other people and that we're all in a little coalition and we're safe and warm and protected etc so did this could and that this could be also hearkened back to other such times when we were in the same situation so this that's a real stretch and I have no idea you know why that they would find this particular fact exactly it doesn't fit into any frame that I have I do however do remember reading this notion of that by an evolutionary psychologist somewhere that this was a that us being safe and warm and protected when the weather is bad is something that generates positive feelings for people guess that I mean I guess it makes some basic sense that that would be true the so anyway but that's that's all I know about that I don't know any more about it yeah what was curious is they were saying that nostalgia is a way that we cope with bad weather and one of their experiments they they actually prevented participants from becoming nostalgic by cognitive overload and the bad weather actually made them more distressed and so their their postulation is that nostalgia counteracts distressed made mine odd weather yeah so dar yeah and now we're getting yeah we're getting a Mickey Mouse theory the and so this is this is where we get Mickey Mouse theorizing that isn't attached to anything that makes sense there isn't a reason that this this is a psychodynamic there isn't there the system is not designed by nature to cause itself to feel good this is the this is I me not whether or not they've identified a threat of truth in here is irrelevant the reasoning that there postulating if you're reporting this accurately which wouldn't surprise me if you are because I've seen psychologists talk like this for 35 years and it wasn't until I discovered evolutionary psychology after 10 years of it after 10 years of formal education that finally the the bullshit you know finally finally the the the heavens opened and I saw the light okay so the the notion in Freudian psychology is that this system wants to feel good therefore the ego or the it or the super-ego or does this or does that and it's all being pushed around so that the organism can feel good that is not the purpose of the psychology of the organism it's not designed to feel good it's designed to have the organism suffer being misery be panting be wanting be frustrated be traumatized or be whatever the hell else it needs to do in order to be effective the only purpose of feelings is to increase the statistical likelihood of survival reproductive success it's not to feel better so the notion that if the system would somehow generate nostalgia because the outside weather is making the system feel bad and we want to feel good so we want to feel nostalgic and that's going to cast a positive frame over our otherwise frightening experience just ludicrous so the fact that there may be some some grains of causality in there where they could be accurately identifying a pattern is fine but that reasoning is nuts it's a it's a it's what I call lost and non Darwinian space you know if you're sure there will Robinson you know danger Will Robinson if you don't if you don't understand that if you don't understand how the system is put together and why it was put together then then you're not going to understand why it works the way it works so the anyway that's my that's my rant for the night about non Darwinian theorizing and psychology the and that's why psychodynamic views don't hold don't wash and they fundamentally cannot and will not hold together pieces of the patterns that people identify you know can hold together in other words they don't hold together in a coherent way but they are legitimate observations the notion that human beings looking at bad weather or being inside in bad weather may have their mind drift towards massager is a is a fascinating concept just as an observation and I don't know why I don't know how true it is and I don't know why it would be true but I know for sure why it isn't true in other words I know one thing that isn't the case about it and it's not the case so that a stressed organism looking at a dangerous environment will quote feel better that I know is wrong and so anyway it's fantastic god that is one that questions yeah like it when you poke the bear and it bit haha okay very good all right look well we got well my theory I mean my you know layman's theory was that that increases feelings of nostalgia in bad weather is when the village comes together when there's bad weather and everyone's trying to be social they're all sharing their stories together so they can all get a little bit of status and everyone can kind of you know what that's a hell of a lot better than the idea they had okay so we will I'll give you a pass on that that's good that's actually good thinking and that could be true that if you think about a bunch of Stone Age villagers or actually even not even quite villagers even half you know just a sort of half African Federation of people that aren't even a defined village so we'll go back 800,000 years perhaps before there was well-defined villages then yes you could you could see how the getting closer together in bad weather might be a useful thing and and the notion of coming together and then telling stories or communicate etcetera it you know what I like it I like it a hell of a lot better than anything I've thought of so far good job all right sir good flood here I like that all right all right we're on now oh yeah so I also want to bring up the reason I started thinking about this article was because a couple of days ago a little injury that I've had that I had once a while when I was playing hockey it flared up and after I got over you know the the how you know every once awhile it flares up here and there so I'm sitting in the chair you know working on some stuff and I found that if I just moved just right it would it would hurt just enough to like trigger some tears and I thought that I really understood and I would like move it to the land it wouldn't hurt and it wouldn't hurt so much that it would trigger a little tears I thought I wonder if that's also an emotion you know similar to this most I'll do that triggers you know signaling to other people that you need help you are absolutely getting it now you're now you're understanding what it's like to walk around the world with what I call the Chuck E Darwin glasses on and once you put the Chucky Darwin glass Sun you just can't see life the same way anymore that is fascinating Nathan and that's a really really good observation that's good thinking yeah so you get pain as a certain level activates the tear mechanism because it's probably associated with significant enough potential dysfunction or increasing damage that you need to elicit help from other people and that that is fascinating and you're right these could be they could be what you're referring to your could this could be absolutely parallel phenomenon very good good thinking um yeah well that's strange because usually I we cry during like really emotional commercials and you know when the lights come off and like I'm scared of the dark but right yeah alright I got it's good very good all right all right so our next question this is from a student studying for the MCAT doctor well do you have any suggestions for how to start studying and actually study for the MCAT I'm severely ego trapped and have procrastinated about applying to medical school and writing the MCAT for many years I have a severe fear of failure and have been crippled by expectations my own my family etc please help well it's interesting first of all if you put it off for too many years then your classes are no longer and it good and you can't go to med school anyway so you better check on that make sure that your anatomy and fizzing chemistry and everything else is is will still fly the you if you haven't checked on that you could be under the gun and you this could be your last rodeo or close to it so keep in mind that this whole thing may be on the clock which is a potentially useful thing the because the ego trap is is a is a certainly nasty situation where so this person obviously very bright probably did well enough at school as a bio or similar major to for others to believe that this person could get into Medical School which is no small feat to do it so obviously obviously there's legitimate questions as to how well the person will do and whether or not they will do enough to be able to get into medical school so so I would point out to the listener that if you're a genius we already would have known it by now and you already would have gotten in so let's keep in mind that what you are is a very bright human and there's an awful lot of very bright humans millions of them and it's going to turn out that unfortunately if you're very bright human it's easy enough to get a familial situation or social situation or and be inherently sensitive enough to the ego trap that you can you can get yourself into a hell of a mess because you can be the smartest kid in your little third grade class but it just means that you're one of one of millions of people that has of my dad used to have a phrase to describe this parent very overly simplistic okay obviously he used to say you know what either I have a functioning brain or you don't now what do you meant by that was your either what you call smart or you're not and if you're not smart then you're not going to be doing anything big fancy or complicated and if you are smart you could but you're going to have to get off your rear end and work for it because there's an awful lot of other smart people in the world and these are generally competitive processes and so you know there's you're just going to have to you're going to have to work so the idea that you that you are very bright and you should be able to waltz through makes no sense at all keep in mind that if you're smart you probably got thirteen hundred and seventy five CCS of brains in your head put putting you at you know the 95th percentile or above but other people that have thirteen hundred and seventy if they work a little harder than you they're going to beat you and if you work a little harder than the person with 1380 you're going to beat them and what what's it what's up here when it comes to medical school is one hell of a sword fight and what it's going to take is not only a lot of hard work but it's going to take hard work that's effective so you're going to have to outsmart a bunch of your competitors and outsmarting about your competitors not going to be easy because they're very smart people this is this is no joke to get into Medical School so what I would tell you is that the solution to getting out of the Eco trap is actually to begin the process of doing the fundamentals so you you want to have a method of you you need to define the nature of the entire mess all the little sub tests of the MCAT you need to get all the review materials and then you need to begin a begin a process where you're not wasting your time just by glossing your eyes over the pages but you want to be doing a process that I would suggest or something similar to it if the people may have invented better processes than the ones that I have but the process that I would suggest is that you essentially rewrite the notes in your own and even or in your own handwriting or typing and if you rewrite them in in other words everything that you need to learn you need to synthesize and get it into your own words and then you need to set up quizzes that are a effect simile of your notes except that they're cued recall so a bunch of the information is missing and then you need to once you do a section whatever that section is probably ten pages of text then you need to have a quiz on that ten pages and then before you go on to the next ten pages you need to quiz quiz that information in to perfection and so this you know you could cover several pages a day of material so you could cover you know you could probably learn you know ten pages a day a pretty serious material over three or four or five hours and and then you could do this 300 days a year 250 days a year you can cover a hell of a lot of ground so you can cover a couple of thousand pages of material in a year the so a year from now as you go through the process that this is very much like laying the bricks to build a home it's brick by brick by brick by brick and one of the advantages of having quizzes where you have written the material in you quiz yourself so you don't go back and reread into the old materials that you already covered and synthesize for yourself you just continue forward synthesizing more material and then going back very periodically and quizzing the existing material that you already learned back to perfection so by a process of accretion over a period of months you can keep you can essentially integrate more and more and more and more information there's probably there's a for all intents and purposes there's no limit to the information that you could you can that you can maintain hot in memory if you're continuing to drill you could certainly do more than any of your competitors are likely to do so you can do well on the MCAT now we have to understand that our our goal here is slightly different than the goal that that we may think that we're seeking so we think we're seeking the esteem of getting into a good med school or getting into med school and then having a stethoscope around our neck and having them say dr. Davidson reports to report to emergency dr. Davidson to emergency and like that's me okay we think that this is what we're up up to but the most important part of the journey is not that the most important part of the journey is to actually be doing the fundamentals that are associated with the learning and so the beautiful news to this is that the good feelings of self-esteem can come in a matter of three or four days you can actually be out of the ego trap in three or four days it's very dynamic okay if you set up a grand plan and you see the two thousand pages that you're going to try to get synthesized you're going to go as far as you can in a year between now and the time you take the MCAT and then what you're going to do is you're going to set aside whatever hours are reasonable and don't set it too high because you need time to sleep exercise work whatever it is that you do so if you were to set aside I don't know 14 hours a week for the MCAT you would in those two hours you wouldn't be studying straight for two hours you'd study 10 or 15 minutes on five ten minutes off ten fifty minutes on five ten minutes off go back and forth for two hours so you might actually be even just sitting and writing for 60 or 75 minutes a day now if you did that and you make these quizzes and you start to quiz the information from the first time that you knock down the first 10 pages and you have a quiz and then you quiz it to to perfection you your self-esteem if you notice very quickly we'll take a notch up it can't help it it doesn't really have any choice it's a mechanical device that's watching whether or not you are putting out an excellent effort and it will change its internal dialogue and internal assessment of what it is that you're doing right now you're fiddling around not doing anything essentially avoiding this terrorized by the ego trap you're in a hell of a mess so we're going to get out of that mess by actually spending you know 10 hours of the kind of effort that I'm talking about and we're to see whether a 10 hour investment in this effort actually shifts your internal feelings in my my hypothesis and my extremely strong expectation is that it will now the beauty of discovering this is to discover one of the most important discoveries that a human being can make about how they work which is that when it comes to a great deal of your internal experience or your life experience a great deal of it is driven by your self-esteem mechanism not driven by the esteem mechanism the esteem mechanisms are very loud they make a lot of noise there's nothing like getting a steam from other people that you want nothing like it but there's also nothing like the more quiet internal process of self-esteem and there's only one way to do it and that's through grit and it's going to turn out that in the process of you beginning the process of studying and putting out the 10 hours of grit because if you've been doing as much suffering as you've been doing for as long as you've been doing it the least we can do is put out 10 hours of grit to find out whether or not that we can cut our way through this this emotional you know nightmare like we're cutting our way through a spiderweb it's really not that hard it only seems like it's hard now so that this is this is what we're up to and I want I want this person and anybody else that is being stopped by something similar to look at this is a fascinating adventure and not only a fascinating adventure one of unbelievable importance for your self-discovery to find out that you can turn your life around in a matter of hours and yet you could have been suffering for years this is this is a core insight that I am you know that I'm writing about in the book that I'm writing now called esteem dynamics the the notion that our self-esteem or that our esteem is are very intractable and that they're very fixed and that essentially that they're not subject easily to movement because it depended upon traumatic things that happen to is 30 years ago or how we were raised or anything else into the Sun they're not okay esteem processes are inherently dynamic just like the hunger Drive just like there's just like temperature regulation and everything else under the Sun things are dynamic and it's going to turn out that the dynamic you need to know to get out of this mess is that self esteem responds to grit something else happens when you sit down and actually put out the elbow grease and do the best you can whether you're trying to write a poem or whether you're trying to memorize anatomy and physiology at the process what will happen is is if you've been intimidated that the process was overwhelming what will happen is is that you will soon not be intimidated what will happen is is that in this case the person is intimidated by the fear that they are that they are not going to be as good as they think their PR is you know and as good as their internal PR is so the expectations are high and that's a hell of a trap so the internal audience can actually have overly high expectations for your productivity when it comes to studying however when you start to study and it turns out that you're not as smart as your internal audience thought you were but you continue to work diligently then what will happen is the internal audience will recalibrate so at first it will experience a bit of surprise and disappointment in your relative lack of abilities but pretty soon as you continue to grind and continue to make forward progress it will then get a sense of how easily you make forward progress and it will calibrate you appropriately and then you will be out of the ego trap and will be done with it so that's how this is done and if you it is not a tragedy folks to to do the grind and then find out we're not as brilliant as we thought we were there is some disappointment and there is some embarrassment associated with such things but it is no tragedy this is something that one of my favorite examples is that I believe 85% of eighth-grade boys believe they're going to be professional athletes this is not a tragedy so maybe to some parent watching their their would-be star to find out that they can't make the sophomore team at their at their high school you know in the night in in tenth grade it's like oh no well that's terrible because he was on the eighth grade team and then he didn't make the ninth grade team but that's because the coach was a jerk because he really would have been a star on the ninth grade team at the junior high school so we really expected him to shine and so did he because after all he was headed for the Lakers but in fact it looks like he's headed to maybe if he's got a brain he's headed to Caltech and it's time to put put away that dream and this is no tragedy so the recalibration of personal expectations is no tragedy the nature of human of the human experience is going to be the disappointments are inevitable and they are in no way tragic and we have a bizarre a bizarre meta theory that that enshrouds modern pop psychology which is the notion that disappointments may hurt quote the person's self-esteem which then quote hurts there you know damages there their little internal self and therefore you know reduces the the upward upward mobility of their life experience not true disappointment does nothing of the kind disappointment is just a part of a recalibration process that puts us in a position to more accurately analyze the cost-benefit analysis of efforts in a given domain it's no problem at all okay so what this person should do if they have a dream that they are pursuing and they want to do this get out the books define the scope of what it is that we're trying to accomplish and let's work at the first 1% of this process and get moving and what I will suggest you is that within 10 hours of etiquette or dedicated at this the ego trap will be shattered and we will be moving forward alright a fantastic book allow we're going to take a quick question and then we're going to get to our caller who's been on holiday yeah we didn't get to last week so dr. Lyle this is a question that as soon as I read it up okay I really want you to answer this so dr. Lyle if someone asks me where I get my protein from and there are potential mating partners listening in should I just go ahead and grandstand to score some points or can it also pay to appear more laid-back and not concerned about my status it's great question by those marry that that's a beautiful question and and it's got to be male asking us so it's a female would never need to grandstand the so we say I hope that you the women understand this the so hopefully this is a guy and the guy is is thinking that this is an opportunity to beat everybody over the head with the information that they haven't heard before no this is not the time to do this the time do do the second version which is to just be cool make no big deal about it forget it that the pleasure trap is is to in the notion about food and health these are such touchy little subjects and people people have beliefs that they know where they believe that you don't know and this is this is no place to be scoring points score points somewhere else this belongs in the politics religion and and protein that's what that is yeah forget it great question though it's a question of beauty all right okay so we have anonymous column to the show how you doing another's hey how's it going that's a great name for me very good what yeah if your your name is anonymous okay I was going to just ask you your name but now I got who it is okay yeah very good thing I've fallen uh shine tell us a story what what's going on what are we working on what are we trying to get better yeah so first of all I just want to say this the most fantastic and fascinating topic of podcasts out there you guys deserve to have millions of listeners every week there's nothing like it well we have fun thanks for saying that all right and okay so my wife and I are going to have you be having a kid soon and have to say we're really excited to basically have a pet with our DNA that's a fantastic image to have yeah as you mentioned before yeah so my question you know we know that kids are so what kids are exposed to isn't going to shape their personality but it sounds like at least for short term behavior and the mimicking they did they experiment with yeah what they're exposed to does probably influenced them quite a bit but you know I see some kids a friends and family come home and they're repeating some of the most to me just some of them obnoxious things that their friends are rubbing off under that more stuff from dumb TV shows or movies and this is from a very selfish perspective is there any point in trying to I don't know try to filter what types of TV shows and other kids are exposed to the sake of our own sanity and enjoyment of our pets as parents um I wouldn't want as a kid I would want to have wanted to hang out with most adults you know I'd want to go ask my friends to play but you know maybe if we as adults are fun-loving we're easygoing we relieve them of all the pressure that's typical they would enjoy hanging out with us my underlying question is is there any harm in kids spending more time than typical with with adults or maybe older kids or do they really do best when they can go wild just as much as possible with kids their age oh let's some a bunch of interesting little questions you have there the shalini that we can we can just kind of have a discussion but let me let me give you my take on what I believe to be true and and what were what we're really after here is we're after everybody enjoying their process yeah so we're not so worried about about what they're turning into because pretty much they're going to turn into what they're going to turn into so you know you weren't going to take Charles Manson and turn them into Mother Teresa okay this was not going to happen the so pretty much the evidence on on the monozygotic twin studies tells the story that pretty much these personalities are the personalities now one one place where people get confused listening to me or people like me that are knowledgeable in behavior genetics is that there's a difference between saying that we don't we don't influence the kids personality versus saying we don't influence their life you can influence person's life dramatically and not have influenced their personality by one percent so what we want to do what do I mean by this if you have a person that works let's suppose they get the first job and they go and they work for a pizza place and the boss is just an abusive bastard okay and the mom and dad are are pleasant and remote kind of remote to their kid and they don't you know they're pleasant enough and they kind of let the kids do what they want to do and they have some very simple philosophies and they don't they don't have you know really good communication with the kids necessarily they don't necessarily need to and so their attitude is oh yeah well when you when you have a job sometimes there's some crap you've got to take the good with the bad that's what the paychecks for so this kid doesn't actually understand that this is you know the kids sort of just figures well this is what mom and dad say you got to take the good with the bad and you know that's just how it goes sometimes and it turns out they're really in a very unpleasant situation with the disagreeable sob and they work there for two or three years now you might say oh that's you know maybe bad things or damage or anything us there's no damage done by this it's just three years of suffering every time they go to work it's not damaging to them but it's lousy okay it's a lousy life experience you could have worked at the other pizza place with a perfectly decent boss and how the time you know one of the times of his life way better situation so as a parent what you want to be is you want to be monitoring your kids you know the quality of their emotional life you want to be trying to as best you can engineer moods of happiness inside the cut child and so that's our job and the kid is designed by nature to seek out things that cause the kid AB moods happiness so fortunately they're an engine that is is trying to figure this out on their own and they're figuring it out about as fast as they can figure it out but your your job is to try to protect their them in in their environments so that they're they're not putting up with a bully they don't have some horrendous Awful's teacher that they cannot stand or doesn't like demo as some you know is just an unpleasant human being we don't want them to have to spend a year with with some nutcase that makes their life unpleasant so we're looking out to to try to maneuver our child not to the ultimate softest environment but an environment that is appropriate reasonable fair predictable etc in other words a good situation that's what we're trying to do now when it comes to this we're not necessarily indulging anybody when it costs us and makes our lives unpleasant so remember this is a this is a group dynamic here so parents so sometimes you know wonder gee should we take that should we take the you know I don't know the computer away from the kid and we're so frustrated you know he doesn't clean his room and it's upsetting it's like hell yes take the computer away from the kid if he doesn't have this room clean and it disturbs you are you kidding me in a nanosecond okay I take the cell phone away too in a nanosecond and when it comes to exposed to other kids if they come home and show any attitude use language that I don't like or anything else it's like hey we better not be seeing that around here no go it's not how we do things okay and if they can't seem to reel it in then we start curbing who it is that they're going to be interacting with so the notion here is that you're here you are here to enjoy this process and they are here to enjoy this process and you want to use a a reasonable view how how much control you are going to impose over their environment not to quote influence their development but rather to optimize their life experience you're going to be over the top of this kid with an eagle eye for 20 years and that's a lot that's a huge percentage of their existence and it won't determine what the next 60 years of their life will be after that but it will be it will determine the quality of that existence in those 20 years so the job is you know enjoy the process attempt to engineer their happiness and your own alongside it whether when there are conflicts there's going to be conflicts and those conflicts are inevitable and you know take care that as a big person you ultimately have more control than the little person and just the fact of listening to who you are and how you think I already know that you're not getting going to abuse that power 1% if anything you'll probably let the kid run over you fair enough good the jeans are going to beat you probably fairly often in the next 20 years that's okay but remember don't fear the fact that that when you when you need to step up to sort of push the the balance between whose interest is being served in your own direction you know if Mike pets cause me too much trouble then they have since they have some things that don't go the way they like them when that sometimes wakes me up early sometimes she gets a little squirt bottle in the face haha so anyway all right so this all makes some sense yeah that's fantastic I really appreciate the perspective you were more of a rare Guardian we're watching out for them and we're on in their corner so yeah exactly you got it all right very cool thank you thank you very much for calling very good question excellent thank you very much for the call all right dr. loud that about wraps it up thank you so much I just love the the feelings discussion and the ego trap that that's really fantastic yeah a lot of people a lot of people face that and in various guises across their lives and so yeah what if once we learn to take a deep breath jump in suffer the the quiet internal you know anxiety about this and slight embarrassment but then we start to to grit our teeth and put some grit to it we will find that we can get out of this thing very quickly and that's that's a that's an important important thing to know
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