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Episode 13: Making Yourself More Date-able Part 2
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last show we talked about the magic 10% and how to make yourself more attractive and also more importantly what this magic 10% is which from what I understand is that magic time where you find the other person a little bit more attractive than they actually are and they find you a little bit more attractive than you actually are and that's where the magic happens is that correct trick yeah that's a very good description right on target excellent well we had a great listener turnout last week and we had a lot of good questions and comments that we did not get to last week and so we're going to just go through them one by one and if there's any callers that like to call in just ask some questions as well our phone number here we are live on Wednesdays at 7:30 p.m. Pacific Standard Time if you feel like calling in the number is six five seven three eight three zero seven five one so let's just get started here one of the users asked a very interesting question here and here's the question in the last podcast you talked about how women who are overweight are less attractive than they think they are but what about age older women are less attractive than younger ones but there's quite a lot of older women who still think they're hot and can get men out of their league for casual sex do older women in general have a problem finding a suitable mate due to overrating themselves the it's a very good question because and the in general relative to my explanation about weight the answer would be no so let me explain that that people in general are are going to be are going to overrate themselves a little bit but that's part and parcel of the nature of human design so if you kind of want to look look behind the the wheels of this all you have to do is to look at any take an NBA basketball game and watch the crowd and why how partisan everyone is including the players about the referent so in in 50 years of watching professional sports I have never had a friend of mine come up to me and said wow that was really cool what happened with the game you know are the refs gave us the game I've never heard that yeah 2000 times I've heard about how the refs robbed our team of the game so that this is clearly an example and one of many that have been investigated in experimental social psychology about how human beings carry around with them what I'm going to call it tips chip in other words this they're slightly the average person is slightly biased in their own direction and and so it's going to be the case that if some girl was a 7 she's very likely thinks of herself more like a 7 a half or an 8 now I would say that this problem gets except accentuated quite substantially because of the fact that women do not do not actually in their bones understand the impact that excess weight has on the male brain and the reason why I will submit that that is so is because of another social psychological phenomenon known as the egocentric bias and that is that we use our own mind as a frame of reference for how it is that other people are thinking and acting so for example if you ask people as I'm going to say if you ask people if you ask people that always go to the dentist you know every year how many people go to the dentist every year like 90 percent of people of those people will say yeah I think everybody I think everybody goes to the dentist whereas if you ask people that almost never go to the dentist how many people you can go to the dentist's every year they'll tell you almost nobody so the egocentric bias that operates inside of people and so the very same egocentric bias is going to operate on the female mind because the female mind does not find men overweight as unattractive as males fine female overweight unattractive and that is because female overweight is mimicking pregnancy which is the ultimate loss of fertility of a female and therefore shuts down male sexuality so this from this notion females can can be actually somewhat in the dark about how much their weight is costing them now the the listeners question about age will appear to be similar but it it is superficially similar but it is actually not similar the reason is is that all human beings are very sensitive to aging keys so we are we are aware that when we are aging we are becoming less attractive at a certain point and now the listener accidentally is tripping over something quite interesting and that is that it turns out that women are are not nearly as sensitive to aging cues as our men in fact they are they are substantially less sensitive to aging kids in terms of as men age those cues are not seen by women as as unattractive as when females age and men observe their aging kids again this is because that that males are are really much more sensitive and much more alert to evidence that women are our menopausal or postmenopausal because they need to be tracking female fertility much much more carefully than women need to be tracking male age for this point that male a male at 55 years old is perfectly virile but he/she is looking at his age because she is seeing that he is not going to be as athletic and competent as he was when he was 32 and so she is in fact sensitive to those aging cues but she is not nearly as sensitive to this aging cues as males are so by the same token we would expect that female egocentric bias could play into this that the female might not be privy to this but this however this is not likely to be the case because this is going to be a timeless problem of females and males and females negotiating for males in the in the mating market across evolutionary time so it's quite likely that that females are you know quite keen to the fact that their that their market value is dropping precipitously as they start to evidence aging kids so we would not expect to find the same sort of naive narcissism that goes on in aging females as we would see in overweight females now there are going to be course all kinds of exceptions to this role so there's going to be plenty of females who by nature of the normal human minor narcissism have a little extra dose of it and so as a result they may completely ignore or seemingly unaware of the fact that they have dropped substantially in terms of their mating power and they may very likely hit on younger or more attractive males and be successful in engaging those males and caocao mating strategy and again take that as evidence that they are in fact higher echelon than they are when in fact all that's happening is that the males are mining the female's sexual treasury you know at low cost and low commitment so undoubtedly that sort of thing happens quite often it's going to happen to more narcissistic females and more more reasonable ones and so the pattern will be seen but it will not need you it only superficially mimics the sort of artificial problem that's being thrown at females by excess weight now so about the casual sex and mating strategy I was always under the impression that it's way easier for a woman to engage in any type of sex than it is for a man for example a woman can just kind of go anywhere and say hey let's let's go and they can do it whereas a man's got a dress nice easy he's got to acquire resource he's got a display is the ability to acquire resources that these got to display the ability to share source says he's got to have good conversational skills he's got to be funny all these other things it seems to me that it's much easier for for a woman to to to spread her genes rather than a male well she doesn't spread her genes that's the horror okay and so as a result you're absolutely right there's there's utterly no comparison between the sexual challenges of the male and the female that's true throughout the animal kingdom that that that females are far cheesier than males are and that's absolutely true in our species and so the an average attractive female will have no problem finding somebody of her attractiveness that is willing to sleep with her with with little or no time invested and in fact an average tractive female of our species will have little or no trouble finding a male that is more attractive than her to sleep with her a male on the other hand will have a very difficult time finding someone of his equivalent and it will be exceedingly difficult for him to find someone who is more attractive than he is to have sex with and and only you generally only will have that happen under conditions where he is demonstrated that he's going to invest a lot so the yeah that they they live the male and female live very very different psychological and lives around these issues and they're so they're both so close to it that they that they don't they don't really grasp what is happening on the other side of the fence very very interesting well this explains a lot we actually have a caller calling in here so let's go to the caller here just one second here hi caller what's your name hi my name is Robert Robert thanks for calling how're you doing today good good you know Nate and your octa rotten dr. Lyle yeah yeah hey dr. Lao I just wanted to kind of give a testimonial or two thank you you guys did a show about a month ago about how to agree to disagree and then the talk you talked about people have ratios in their head of what they feel is fair and when you find those ratios then you can kind of agree to disagree right so how I what I took from that is that odd masseur t70 person and I'm in sales so as I deal with people now that I know that I'm a 30/70 I've kind of been able to speak up for myself now and I just wanted to thank you and just kind of share how that's how I took that that talk and this added a lot of value in in my sales you know when I deal with customers so just wanted to give you thanks and I really enjoyed your your TED talk the pleasure tract very good talk by the way thank you so yeah hey that that is great thanks for calling and I'm glad you enjoyed enjoyed that I'm glad you're you got some benefit from that that's just terrific yeah you know I had one question uh - could you guys maybe or what are your thoughts on the evolutionary psychology as it relates to branding branding yourself or the brand effect is there way to you know kind of in the new modern way of email and all the new marketing techniques stick the just evolutionary psychology thinking behind creating your own tribe which would be branding yourself and just maybe just dislike a little bit of cool evolutionary background from that yeah that's uh that's very good you know there's a there's probably a lot of little pieces to that that and I'm not sure it's one thing so okay yeah so I I think that that's a that it my explanation is going to start going sideways and whining all over the place so i i i think that uh but it if you're interested in that topic there's an extraordinary book written by a man by the name of Jeff can you hear me yes yes yes there's an extraordinary book written by a man named Miller and he's a he's an outstanding evolutionary psychologist at the University of New Mexico and the book is called spent and it's the it's the story of evolutionary psychology in a consumer marketplace and so yeah he he does he goes into great detail about a number of very interesting issues in consumer psychology and as a salesperson I think that you would find it very very interesting indeed yeah thank you thank you absolutely Robert thank you very much for calling I really appreciate that yeah thank you for calling in no bomb thank you guys yeah II got it yeah you know that that book with with Jeffrey Miller that was a that's a great book you recommended to me a long time ago and I read it and it was a it was a really good book and this is kind of where the personality characteristics come into play and how different people are kind of operating under different circuitry and it's essentially the same but but they all have little tiny moving parts that are slightly different which are the personality traits so yes absolutely in the we almost oh who does go ahead no go ahead I'm sorry I was going to say Miller does also talk about branding and branding process in there and it's some length and so it's a so like I said it's a little bit of a complicated issue but for anybody who's interested in consumer psychology including branding Miller's book is is is is truly a turning point in the in our you know our looking and understanding of consumer psychology it it lays waste to previous generations of thinking in the field and and it's going to be increasingly useful as marketing efforts go forward very very good we actually have a second caller here come coming up so let's take up this call here just one second hi caller what's your name my name is Michael Michael hi you're on with Nate G and dr. Lyle how are you dr. Lyle how are you Nate good Heidi I have a I have a general question maybe a kind of a broader question I've been listening to some of your podcasts and they're finding very very interesting if I'm not definitely myself have any expertise in psychology but I'm aware of the fact that there are multiple fields and areas of psychology and I'm just curious if you don't mind we make available inside and how did you end up in that but you get films like psychology and why do you think this is the kind of able to why this is able to answer some of the questions at other fields other theories are not able to answer yes I mean that's a very big broad question it's an excellent one so we'll take a few minutes and I'll kind of step you through this radius let me let me take it up so I can listen to the actual podcast great very thank you thank you Michael yeah very good question which is sort of how maybe how it did I wander into this direction and how do we why am i confident that this method of looking at human behavior it is actually the the correct one to be looking at it collect correct perspective the reason is is that this is is going to be we're going to take a broad swipe at this for a few minutes because it's a great question the what we're going to do is we're going to look at a concept that we're going to call Concilium and the concept of Concilium Swizz was made aware to the intelligencia by Edward o Wilson who is the the famous world's leading authority on ants and the the man who developed what we call sociobiology in the 1970s and he is great Harvard professor in biology now the what Wilson explains about Concilium tsa's the the notion that the knowledge or understanding of the world that humans have developed is actually artificially segmented and so for example but it but it's what we're going to call a perfectly nested array where we have physics on one end of it and then right next to physics we would have chemistry now these days we would say well there's something in-between called physical chemistry well fine whatever it doesn't matter so the point is is that the the most elemental way of looking at the universe is going to be ultimately you know particle physics and subatomic particle physics and physics has laws about how physics works and when we move over to chemistry and we look at bigger bigger things bigger different level of organization and matter then it's going to turn out that the laws of physics absolutely still apply to chemistry so there's nothing about chemistry that ultimately cannot be explained in the laws of physics but we don't we don't actually have to use some of those things because the chemistry we're looking at a higher order of organization and then the next thing we might look at if we wanted to might be biochemistry so we're going to look at the chemistry involved in living things we could have a subfield that we would call that and no matter what we would find in the laws of biochemistry we they would not violate the laws of chemistry which would not violate the laws of physics and then if we were to look at the next level of organization in the universe of living things biology we would see that the laws of biology would not violate chemistry or physics and then we would realize that certain kinds of creatures in the world are not just living but they actually have brains they're animals and what they do is they they take in information with sensory systems they then compute optimal possible you know behavioral strategies and then they execute strategies and so they are they are animals and they have brain and so therefore they have what we're going to call a psychology and then we have to realize that whatever the laws of psychology are the laws of psychology have to be consistent with the laws of biology which have to be consistent with the laws of chemistry which have to be consistent with the laws of physics and then when we realize that a certain kind of creature like a human actually has social interactions with other humans that that's part of its nature we could call that sociology anthropology economics etc and we're going to find that the laws of those things are not independent of the laws of psychology that in fact the laws of economics are absolutely you are observing the laws of psychology as you watch economic phenomena and so the laws of supply and demand and elasticity of demand and all the kinds of things that economists talk about those things ultimately are rooted in human psychology they're sure as hell not rooted in anything else and so as a result you know we may talk about those concepts in ways where it doesn't seem like we're talking about the psychology of the human organism but in fact we are talking about the psychology of the human organism when we're talking about everything including political science legal theory and everything else you're talking about psychology so the concept here is one of Concilium that in fact there's a unity of knowledge that runs through the way that universe works and we are a living breathing component of that universe and our psychology is subject to biological law now no other theory in psychology other than evolutionary psychology is grounding its thinking and its theory in this concept so Freudian psychology and psychodynamic psychology that's related to Freud is completely like free-floating shamming that have absolutely no connection to anything in biological theory they they pretend to at times Freud himself was biologists that had a very feeble you know in modern terms very feeble understanding of life and so his theories were literally incompatible with our understanding of biology the and other other theories in psychology learning theory for example is not grounded in in evolutionary thinking at all so that is why in in the nineteen is actually in the 1970s when this idea started a very first take hold in theoretical biology and it wasn't until the 1980s that a very few people started to understand that this was going to be a revolution in our understanding of human nature and little by little they started to put together theory and evidence that would support this it was not officially born until 1992 with the publication of a masterwork called the adapted mind by Jerome Varco leda cosmides and john tooby and this these ideas were more or less largely born you know first in Britain by the evolutionary biologists there William Hamilton Richard Dawkins and people of that ilk and then then it was seeded over into Harvard University where Edward O Wilson was studying his ants and developing sociobiology and Robert rivers also a brilliant theoretical biologist was publishing seminal papers based on evolutionary biology that extended the concepts of evolutionary biology into understanding familial systems sibling rivalry and mate choice and so on and so forth and so from there evolutionary psychology was born in the early 1990s I happen to be a young professor at Stanford University right about that time and at that time these people a whole group of them john tooby leda cosmides david buss and out of masters university there was folks that were studying homicide and child abuse and so on and so forth these folks came together and and essentially outlined how to attack the problems of psychology from a completely brand-new perspective which was using the third evolution as their guide and their successes have been nothing short of breathtaking and spectacular and so they have they have laid waste to the last hundred years of academic psychology largely when it ever they've turned their searchlight and that and so we have made thousands and thousands of observations that are completely inconsistent with learning theory or psychodynamic theory but all of these all these observations as you would expect are clicking and lining up on a beautiful line as we now see human beings properly placed in in perspective as as a great ape a spectacularly intelligent one but who nevertheless has thinking feeling and behavior which are consistent with all of the laws of biology which means they are motivated altom utley by survival and reproductive process so hopefully that gives people a little bit of background you know and that's it's such a such an interesting concept that there's all these different types of psychological sciences I guess and this was the one that makes the most sense to me and it reminded me a couple years ago I mean I had a buddy a male male friend who was dating his I think it was his fiancee at the time but they were dating for a long period of time and the the his girlfriend suggested that they go to counseling because they had some issues they wanted to walk to talk over and they went to this thing called emotional focus therapy and he went along with it because he's a nice guy he wanted to make sure that she was comfortable and that they could have some professional help and after after a few weeks of this me and my buddies we sat down with him - dude you're turning into a girl all you talk about your feelings and how this affects this and that's the other that was like one of my first introductions - to all the different types of psychological sciences what's what's this whole focus center is that is that it right up your alley well let's say let's explain there's there's a and that the caller had an interesting question and he I'm not sure there was there can be a easy lack of clarity in in understanding what we're talking about when we're talking about psychology psychology is is and I'm it's a subset of what we're going to call neuroscience and so it's all about the workings of the brain and how the brain works and so there are people in neuroscience that just study you know neurotransmitters and what little neurotransmitter fires from one neuron to the next and how that's organized so on and so forth so those are neuroscientists of one ilk but psychologists are are a different subset of neuroscience that is really dealing at the level of of the decision making of the organism with respect to its adaptive problems for survival and reproduction so that that's what a psychologist is now most people think of a psychologist is some guy talking to somebody on the couch and talk through their problems that's known as a clinical psychologist now psychology has all kinds of sub disciplines so there are developmental psychologists that better try to study how children develop there's personality psychologists that talk about individual differences in personalities cognitive psychologists that are studying problem solving and cognition and language development and they border on linguists and they study error error tendencies in humans there's a sensation and perception psychologists who are akin to straight biologists that study sensory systems etc but when you and I talk about psychology we're not talking about all those sub disciplines we're actually talking about really when people talk about psychology or psychological schools they're really talking about clinical psychology and clinical psychology is the attempt to try to take what is known in you know about people whatever anybody knows about people and trying to apply that to human problems and actually do some good now people been doing that for a long time they've been doing it for long as there's been people they've been doing it clinically and charging for it as clinical psychologists for a hundred years or so the clinical psychology when you think about schools like this emotion therapy or Gestalt therapy or reality therapy or primal scream therapy or biocentric therapy or cognitive therapy or behavioral therapy etc etc okay what these are is a union therapy Freudian therapy these are all people that have their own emphasis or for thoughts about what causes human suffering and how it is that they can alleviate it now essentially none of them are based on any coherent theory of understanding human motivation and how human psychology works so some of them are more effective than others because they're less wrong so cognitive behavioral therapy tends to be more effective than other kinds of therapy for most types of things but we are now finally standing on firm ground theoretically about understanding of psychology for the first time and so it's how I got into this was that I was a young academic young academic psychologist that was trained in experimental social psychology but trained as a clinician and and then I became aware of evolutionary psychology and I could see its tremendous explanatory power and at that point what I began doing was to learn enough about evolutionary process so that I could start to break down the problems that people were really having and start to try to explain them and see if we could work our way around them by understanding evolutionary process a little bit more deeply with respect to their problems I found that it is extremely effective in many many cases where other styles or perspectives on therapy will fail and and so that's that's what I have spent the last 25 years doing is developing clinical evolutionary psychology ok so this is a this is a quite a new topic and so so you know with regards to my friend who basically was a you know what you would describe the typical manly man started becoming yeah more and more feminine the more he's Tigers talking about his emotions and how everything's about his you know need to connect and bond how he's scared about everything and the the question I guess that comes you know let's wrap this around to the at the topic at hand so the that kind of ties into a question of one of the users at one of the listeners who's basically asks is masculinity attractive to women because they are feminine and do different because differences attract each other yeah let's look at this so if you are if you are a male you are designed by nature to look for estrogen kids and females so you are you're looking for those estrogen cues both in their bodies but also in their behavior so the and you are you're absolutely attracted estrogen and if you're a female you are absolutely attracted to testosterone so you are you are attracted to what the genes do is genes code for different amounts of testosterone or estrogen and so a man gets a hell of a lot more testosterone than a female gets and so the average man for example has seven times the amount of circulating testosterone than a female does the and as a result most of us who are males are not attracted to males because we are not attracted to big muscles we are simply not attracted to deep voices and we are not attracted to aggressive behavior and we're not attracted to using a profanity and it's going to turn out that all of those things are heavily testosterone eyes characteristics males worldwide will swear 3 times as often as females and when you see females swear it's it alerts you to some testosterone that's in there and if it's a little too often a little too much a lot of males will find that very unattractive so and so yes males and females are attracted to characteristics in the opposite sex that indicate a good ratios of testosterones to estrogens and so we we look for we look for beautiful and handsome balances those of those chemicals by looking at bodily features and looking at behavior now are women more attractive to males who swear they probably are in other words there it's like I said because it's a worldwide characteristic of males swear more often than females it would be obviously sexual suicide if that were not true so the females are you know obviously some guy who's just so foul-mouthed and so aggressive and nasty that nobody can get along with them now that's starting to get over the line and too unattractive but a male who fastidiously never swears will undoubtedly have a smaller total mating market then then the guy who is more normal and boo just don't know the most are attractive but how does culture affect traction I this listener question a lot indigenous Tron tattoos we're in West sword works the symbols are mark what yeah I'm uh you're all breaking up Nathan but I caught just enough of this - I found some think about other cultures and tattoos and that we are seeking status cues etc the Delaney well I hopefully can you house a couple so yeah how's this right now so the question is we all know that markers of health are attractive globally but how does a culture affect attraction for instance in the Western world yeah status symbols are like markers of wealth whereas in some other places like an indigenous tribe there could be like a tribal tattoo or a particular dance or something like that right what you're what people are attracted to is going to be what we're going to call fitness indicators and so the your pre animals are evolved to actually be sensitive to certain cues which could be physical or behavioral that indicate that the Hult that whoever is is emanating those cues is is better than competitors so we look for so if for example males worldwide look for the shape of the female form and the shape of the female form the the curvature shape that men universally find very attractive these are these are Fitness indicators they are indicators of exceptionally good ratios of testosterone and estrogens so high estrogen loads females are are very attractive to males and in the same way that females are very attracted to high testosterone as males so these are Fitness indicators because the the what you're seeing when you see females with good sized breasts for example that are well shaped that that men find attractive the what you're actually looking at is you're actually looking at the evidence that the genes that that woman has are very good genes relative to her competitors the and so the that's that's what it is now so behavioral you don't just look at people you also or animals you watch them so you're actually looking at their behavior to try to observe whether or not they have good genes so some somebody may look very good but it turns out that they are uncoordinated and that they're stupid and it turns out that if you if you then interact with them or watch them behave you may find that they are considerably less attractive than they were before now what's actually interesting about this is you will observe that your ability to to essentially make a composite estimate of the person's gene quality winds up being the collaboration of a lot of independent neural circuits so you might look at a female who is extremely attractive and may even have beautiful movement but then when you talk to her she swears and she's also very stupid and you'll find that in fact you are confused that there are certain neural circuits inside of you that want to mate with her and certain neural circuits in you that want to get get out of the way and get nowhere near her so you'll literally watch competing demands inside your nervous system as independent neural circuits give you different signals as to what you should be doing about this stimulus the same thing that happens if you have something in your mouth that you're chewing that's tasty and then you hit something that's hard in there you'll find some of your neural circuits want to keep chewing to get the chocolate but then something hit a bit of sand and now you you have to be careful to protect your teeth so what we have is we have independent neural circuits that are trying to run composite estimates on the gene quality of individuals now culture is going to going to come into this in the following way but in different landscapes at different times in history there's going to be different ways that that people's behavior is compared against each other in order to determine fitness so for example it might might have been swimming across a river somewhere where they have a river but in in 21st century America it's going to be playing basketball playing football playing baseball etc so we create things we create contests and tasks which are difficult inherently so that not everybody can do them equally well and then we observe the individual differences in people and how they perform these tasks and we then rank order them according to how good they are at them and through that we are able to see into the genetic code and determine which individuals have greater genetic fitness with respect to that section of the genetic code so that is why you're going to getting a tattoo for example is evidence of several things it's evidence of for example that you have the stress tolerance and the pain tolerance to withstand some some some pain it's also possibly an indicator of your imagination so the artistry that is going to be armed on you it also has been speculated that it is a possible method to demonstrate the high-quality immune system that actually exposes itself by puncturing the skin to possible harmful pathogens and therefore is a display that one has a good immune system that you can afford to run that risk and manage to survive so there's uh so we're not all together certain why caches may or may not be a fitness indicator but they are very clearly used as a fitness demonstration and they are all respected as such to some degree so for example your we even myself if I see some somebody with a bunch of tattoos I am assuming that they are a little edgier a little more dangerous and etc that they're more testosterone eyes etc and if I see females with touches I'm also believing that they're more testosterone eyes they are a little bit tougher they're more willing to get punctured they're willing to put up with some pain tolerance and they are they are definitely a signal of greater probability of access as casual mating strategy targets which is a you know they're indicating a little bit of wildness which is a niche operating procedure in female mating strategy so these culture you know things can things change there's going to be different things in different cultures that are going to be rare there's going to be different cultures that are going to have different temperature and circumstances so dances may look different the costumes may look different the colors may look different depending upon the local dyes about what we see around the world is extraordinary universals when it comes to the displays that humans do with respect to fitness in in 21st century America and for a long time the acquisition of wealth which is not a which is not actually a a so phenomenon yeah but it is it is mimicking a natural phenomenon which is the taking of territory and and getting wealth is hard to do so therefore anything that is hard to do and it could be potentially valuable like territory is therefore an indicator of fitness it took good genes to do it and there's no question in any any reasonable person's mind that people that are making a hundred thousand dollars a year are on average more genetically capable than those that are making ten thousand in the same culture and so this is this is where where the question becomes how much can we fake attractiveness for instance for instance a woman who received breast implants or or buttocks implants or men who are born you know shorter but they wear lifts in their shoes the question is does it matter if it's fake or perceived or does it have to be real in other words I mean we all know that that if you get married to somebody thinking that they're tall or they've got big breasts and then you know two years later you find out that they are able to somehow hide it but but I'm talking I'm talking casual mating or even at least two kind of fake it is that possible and yes well yet of course it's possible but you have to understand that human beings evolved to look for these Fitness indicators so human beings are exceptionally good at smoking their way past the any Bluffs so the that that's you know obviously when you when you hug some woman that you've just met you're sort of attracted to her there's a desire to use your fingers as much as ethically possible to actually figure out how much fat she's got on her what the covers are really like cetera okay and don't think that she's not hugging you to see whether or not how much musculature there is in that chest or whether or not that's just a padded shirt and some shoulder pads on a suit so human beings are are designed to be triangulating their attention on fitness indicators so so if you if you have a phony diploma from Harvard Law School on the wall but when that when she talks to you within a couple minutes she can tell that you're average intelligence she's not impressed with the harvard law school diploma she figures we she doesn't know what happened to you but maybe you had a head injury at some point or who the hell knows but the point is is that she could hear that yes you're good at forgery so the point is is that of course you can you people try to bluff each other to the level of the detection mechanisms that's what credit is all about okay you know you really haven't taken that much territory but with another fifteen thousand dollars we make it a Lexus instead of a Camry and we'll just go into debt and Bluff that we've actually taken that territory so the people are are absolutely bluffing in order to begin you almost are forced into it by the fact that the rest of the marketplace is bluffing so game theory is interesting is entering the equation that and this is where you know breast implants you know go in a cultural rage and they're here to stay because breasts are a very important Fitness indicator for males to observe in females and as a result they if you can fake them when you don't have them genetically don't think that you know every chick with with five or ten thousand dollars to spare isn't going to be headed towards getting those if you know if she doesn't have if she has small breasts and the ones with small breasts that are not going for it are a hell of a lot of them are thinking about it and scheming it thinking about it thinking about the costs in the operation what it look like and whether or not there's blood how much it's going to hurt well I feel embarrassed because then everybody will know you know there's a whole host of stuff and maybe some of them are actually happy with small breasts but they and they undoubtedly are but we see a tremendous pressure on women as they are competing each other with each other for breast size and and small breasted women definitely feel at a competitive disadvantage which in fact they are at a competitive disadvantage very interesting field experiments have shown that women with bigger breasts get a lot more attention and that's that's a good point it seems like there are a great number of things that women can do to fake it shake up if you know I know yeah all kinds of things are going on but at the end of the day this is going to be more important for very short-term causal mating strategy than it's going to be for anything else pair-bond strategy people are smoking out the truth and they're not they're not going to be signing on any dotted line in this culture until they've smoked it out the this isn't true of course across history there was a famous incident in the 1600s where some man in England you know got married and then he instantly appealed to the king to give him an annulment because when he got the wife home and got that got the clothes off of her and the hair came off and and the makeup came off and the clothes came off and it was like holy smokes this isn't even you know I've been totally defrauded incidentally this is why we have the word disclosure so disclosure in contracts is about hey let's disclose the dirty laundry let's find out what happens once we disclosed the transaction this is exactly what a huge deal has been in human history guys marrying girls that they never had the clothes off of them thank god that's over so that's why we'll call date three from now on disclosure well maybe you but for me it's before like day 23 that but yeah I'm a little bit did she mention last week last week that males have it in them to lie a lot so maybe it's not day three for me yeah there you go there you go Stage four days real sure they'll all assure the listeners that that I'm not speaking entirely theoretical that that even a blind squirrel finds an acorn now and then okay all right other questions here's a question from one of our learners okay he says he personally experiences something weird when he's wearing training pants in a black t-shirt he gets approached by several women sounds like a humble brag to me by the way but yeah but but when he wears a nice button-up shirt that makes his girlfriend melt approaches him in the same setting so a his opinion attractiveness and approachability are not necessarily the same which is obvious but it seems like a huge discrepancy could it be that showing potential or markers of potential are more attractive than actually living up to the potential which would be markers of health and status wait a second slow down what let's go back to fitness indicators and let's understand what's happening so muscles are important fitness indicators for males so when he's in a situation where he is showing is his excellent body obviously uh and because I've been around in shorts and t-shirts and I have never yet been approached okay so this guy's when these shorts and his t-shirt in he's being approached by women which is extraordinary behavior and I'm really pissed off at him but hey didn't how it is now so what he's also it's going to turn out that is when people are showing skin they are actually they are signaling more availability so he is signaling by showing off his body he is signaling that he is essentially on the market for that he's not pair-bonded and so he is signaling sexual advertisement and females that are that feel like he's real fancy and would like to get a piece of that DNA even under casual meting strategy conditions are making themselves known and available now his girlfriend already has seen him with his clothes off and if he's with his clothes half off with her striding around she would be irritated with this because he would be signaling casual mating strategy to other females so that's not going to be a good thing now when he wears button-up you know fancy were expensive you know and conservative dress he's looking like a pair of under okay so it's going to turn out that he's signaling pair-bond psychology then and as and his girlfriend's all happy about it because she now feels she owes already attracted to him but now he's looking like a nice little pair monitor he's going to stick with her forever so I think that that's probably a good good chance that that's the answer to to that question and so what you're saying is at some point if you show too much skin you might get arrested so careful out there guys don't ya don't your shoulders it turned out yeah social psychological experiments have shown that females are very sensitive to picking up these kids and so that that that they definitely are reading button-up shirts with showing less skin as as more resource acquisition males that these are also males that are going to be more para bonded and that they're going to be more invested in in mating offspring and they are reading all those keys just like that and so that that's what's that's what's happening that I'm going to the clothing store tomorrow alright so how important is I we've got we've got a couple more questions so how important is attractiveness in the modern dating world are we still operating under an a--sort of mating theorem theory or is attractiveness really the most important thing these days okay sort of mating is the notion that people mate with people that are like them you know culturally like them and and sort of their their IQ and their socioeconomic status all that sort of jobs now the truth is is that attractiveness is enormous ly important it always has been and it always will be the it is it is more important today that it was 60 or 70 years ago because 60 or 70 years ago finances were so important and actually I mean even fifty years ago finances were so extraordinary and important to females raising children that the male's financial capabilities were were very important to assess and to consider in making mating choices so in the old days if you're an eighth female you were very likely winding up with you you would take a six male with more money rather than a seven male with less money that would have been a decision that would have been very common in the 1940s whereas that decision is going to be much less common today primarily for the fact that the world is much wealthier and so we are not under the kind of pressure for housing and food as a single mom that you would have been 40 or 50 years ago and also the females can earn more money as well so females are able to exercise mating choice behind lust more than they've ever been before and so yes looks are extremely important they always have been and whenever they've been compromised it's been under pressure from financial you know resource constraints and that that where that interceded equation so I forget what the rest of the question was they were saying is is it basically as attractiveness really the most important thing these days well it's the most important thing it certainly is the most important thing the however the way to look at these things is to essentially understand that people are carrying around in their heads thresholds they have thresholds for attractiveness thresholds for intelligence and thresholds for personality characteristics and so the what we call chemistry is really all about whether each party finds the other person physically attractive then after that point people are dependent upon what the mating strategy involved in whether it's causal mating or pair-bond strategy para bond strategy ie long-term mating strategies and humans personality and intelligence become very important considerations and and therefore people do a lot of a sort of mating in other words they they tend to be with people you know similar in smarts and they tend to be in people with with similar personalities that that's how that works but for casual mating know that those are much less important considerations and and physical attractiveness dominates show it dominates the show in general anyway but it dominates it less in pair bonding that particularly for females than it does actually I mean that is worth it for females looks or become less important in pair bond decisions than they are in casual mating decisions for males the opposite is true very very good yes okay so we will any some any final thoughts about how to make yourself more attractive we've got about a minute or so left yeah well you know work hard make money dress in nice clothes have a nice car have a nice career have some cash and have something intelligent to say it be respectful and don't be cheap that's that's my advice to men and do we add going to the gym and try to get as built as you can sure absolutely yeah I remember you've only got so much time and energy there's so many different things so distribute it distribute your priorities among among all of those things in some reasonable fashion so that you are a good advertisement for your underlying Jean quality and for females same thing same thing you're less less more importance on your physical appearance than your bank account so don't get you know don't skimp on on the trainer or the gym or the healthy food you know etc do a good job be in excellent condition and dress dress the part that you want and you know that's how you do it and and don't don't jump into bed early withhold tax on well thank you very much again dr. Lisle for coming on we had a good topic we're going to continue next week and this is how we feel talk to dr. Lila here and the scene but you know I I got all that off my chest I feel like I like a load mouth off my shoulders you're good 30 back thank you I didn't do it are you been some like it good some I did alone god where is it I don't know good nah you're good back you're good I'm gonna begin to touch with you just one more thing if I caught you you turn me into a fag I'm gonna kill you you understand i define alright doctor I like you next week thank you
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