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Chef AJ: Co-Dependency, Mindful Eating, Health at Any Size | Healthy Living LIVE! with Dr Doug Lisle
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lots of people they're very very exciting hello everyone and welcome to healthy living live I'm your host chef AJ and back by popular demand is my guest dr. Doug Lyall dr. Lisle is the co-author of the wonderful book the pleasure trap which is now available on audio CDs he is the psychologist of both the True North health center and the mcdougal 10-day program both located in Santa Rosa California and he is the star of the weekly podcast called beat your jeans which you can listen to on either BlogTalkRadio or itunes there's over a hundred episodes now and you can even call in live Wednesday night when the show airs live at 8:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. Pacific time and if that weren't enough he is the founder of the website esteem dynamics calm which I will type on the screen in a little bit with lots of wonderful free resources in the form of audio and video content and you can even book a private consultation with him right there so welcome again dr. Lau thank you so much for coming back oh you bet good to see you AJ thank you so much so we have 12 questions today two of them are left over from the last time we did a live interview and 10 of them actually came from the Facebook group of fans of beat your gene podcasts there was some crossover there are some people in ultimate weight loss in that group so we might have some somewhat different questions today so dr. Lau did you think of the name beat your genes for the podcast or did the did Nate G think of that no a good friend of mine named Larry Gatlin thought of that great name yes yes I would call it fit into your jeans yes okay Mary Kennedy terrific all right so the first question is from Kara she says I'd love to know what dr. Lisle thinks about the concept of codependency I wager that the majority of US women who have lived our lives overweight suffer from some amount of codependency take it away dr. Lyle [Music] codependency is really the notion of being agreeable and and so that that's really if you just if you just substitute the term agreeable then then what's gonna happen is pretty soon agreeable people will often find themselves in relationships where they're being exploited they're being exploited by people who are more disagreeable than they are and so you can you can easily imagine yourself in a situation where one person is a is a eighty eighty twenty trader it's very disagreeable they want things their way etc and another person is a twenty eighty tweeter very very nice person very agreeable very giving now the that the notion of code identity I think exploded onto the scene you know thirty years ago with a book by some addiction victim I think the title of the book was codependent no more this lady was just writing her life story about how I know her partner was a addict and then she code upended her way through life and how terrible it was I I don't know about it this was just I think I heard about this in quad school there was no no research no no Theory nothing nothing other than a woman's observation of her own life and and then this became a catch word that that seemed to have some truth in it as many of these things do and we find that truth down through a more a more precise concept of agreeable so agreeable people are likely to wind up eventually in situations where they're being exploited I'm not always but they often will be and it's not surprising to us when that happens so it's not surprising that an agreeable person might wind up for example in a relationship with somebody with an addiction and they may stay in there for a long time whereas a more disagreeable person or a person in the middle of the bell curve would say no this is too much trouble I'm not going to put up with this this is not the deal I signed up for and but you can imagine that a very agreeable person might say but it basically to that this is sort of their lot and like it it's only the right thing to do to etc continue to compensate their life towards the other person's liabilities so we can now call this codependent if we want it's not you're not I don't even know what that means what would he have addicted to the same drug to the other person's is NICTA to it's like I don't even understand the reasoning let's just back it up and call it what it is and that is that the agreeable person feels an obligation to continue to stick out a relationship into continuing to invest in a relationship even though the payoff matrix on that relationship has shifted to the negative in the face of an addictive process so that's what I would call it now now we're gonna now we're gonna I suppose the person's question is do you overweight people wind up more in co-dependent relationships and other people I don't think so necessarily at all I think that what this person is sniffing is the possibility that when people are overweight they feel like they have they have essentially let's let's talk about this ah a person who might be substantially overweight in a relationship with a person another person who is not may feel like they are inherently being over awarded in a relationship because of their weight and so as a result of that when you believe you are being over awarded you are walking on eggshells and you are effectively feeling like you are getting the better deal that the other person is more benefit than cost relative to you and as a result of you being essentially over rewarded in the relationship because they are gracing you with their presence you are essentially like an employee who believes they are being overpaid and so if you believe that you are being overpaid then what that makes you as an employee is feeling vulnerable and feeling highly agreeable so the boss says we need you to work on Saturday oh sure not a problem okay why because we don't want to lose that job because we're being overcompensated so being over compensated or being overpaid or over awarded however you want to call it is a prescription for paranoia and agreeableness is what it is and so overweight people certainly let's take another situation where two people started out in a relationship where they were there was a reasonable trade and now we look 10 years later and one of them is carrying around an extra 75 pounds so now they clearly feel that they are over awarded so they have clearly chiseled their partner out of the out of the attractiveness that their partner the deal that had been made and so as a result the overweight person feels over rewarded essentially over compensated and therefore they need to make up for it by being agreeable and one of the ways they can make up by being agreeable is by not putting their foot down and walking when the other person has an alcohol problem or some other kind of drug problem or some gambling problem or porn problem or whatever the heck it is okay so you can see what this is so the this is the analysis that is useful to kind of actually look through what's really happening on one of the things that this kind of analysis will do is it will strip its way through any self-congratulatory analysis that comes with the concept of codependency it's a I will hear people say things like well I just decided I needed to do something for me or etc I needed to stand up or I've been I've been doing too much for other people it's like well well let's let's look at what's really been happening what's really been happening is that all motives are being sifted through a complex cost-benefit analytic a process and so if a person has been giving giving giving giving giving there's a reason and that is because they have cues in their environment to suggest that they have been over awarded that's why they're doing it now so that that isn't always the case so it is sometimes the case that some people are naturally hyper agreeable they're simply happen to be highly agreeable people and that they sometimes wind up in relationships unfortunately where they're being exploited and that happens but that we don't usually hear from those people and they're usually not complaining and they don't use the term could upend it codependent is a little red flag that tells you that someone feels like they have been pushed into a corner by their own liabilities that they have not figured out how to master in to deal with and as a result of that they have given way and given ground in relationships and essentially allowed another person to compensate for for the deficiencies in the relationship by being in some fashion exploitative sloppy self-destructive etc so when I hear the term well I've been codependent what I really hear the term is I myself have problems that I have not faced and dealt with and as a result of my embarrassment and the liabilities that those problems bring to my relationships I have been compensating in this relationship and letting this other person essentially walk all over me in domains that are important to me and I am frustrated with us that is what could a tendency really is okay so hopefully this helps us there's a there's some very famous phrases throughout the history of philosophy and I don't know who it is that it says this phrase it might have been you know Francis Bacon or Nietzsche or you know some bigshot somebody here is gonna look this up and they're gonna know it I have a feeling it's a late 19th century American poet that's that's what's got it rattling around in my head like a Walt Whitman or somebody like that might have been Thoreau and the phrase goes something like this that it is it is impossible for a man to be cheated by another man as it is for a thing to be and not be at the same time in other words the notion is you did it to yourself okay so anybody that has bought into a get-rich-quick scheme only to find their money go up in smoke the truth of the matter is is that you sort of knew it was a get-rich-quick scheme and you didn't check out the details and you were hopeful and that's why you shoved over to five thousand dollars for two the slick salesman and suede shoes okay so did he cheat you yes that you also cheated yourself okay so this is this is where I this is the analysis that I bring to the the concept of codependency look very carefully at any quote codependent relationship now look carefully inside the individual that that has identified themselves as codependent and let's look inside and find out whether that person is in that codependent processes in fact process where they are stepping over a liability that they bring to the relationship that they that they don't want to deal with and have them figure it out how they're going to manage and they are instead allowing some other exploitative process in another domain to to bleed into their life and and then that's what they're frustrated about all right all right that was such a brilliant explanation and we have people watching from all over the world including Australia and Germany and as you were giving your explanation I was thinking you would be great on television like a relationship or dating show I think you would be fabulous on it doing that and for those of you watching live please note that there's a share button right where you are and you can be sharing this broadcast live with all of your friends in real time so thanks for doing that so Heather wants to know why our hormones cause us to have cravings and what we can do about it oh you know what I actually don't know I do know that they're hormones for women in their cycle fertile women in their cycle will crave chocolate more than been normal so I I'm not really sure why and it's specifically chocolate it isn't just rich food in general so there's probably some kind of chemicals in chocolate that specifically bang on those circuits um let's be clear it's not very much of the variance of the issue the number one reason a person craves chocolate is that they had it recently and it it's in it's it's banging on their memory circuits so so your hormones actually have a very small amount of variance in determining anything with respect to your hunger or cravings or anything else into the Sun so let's not let's not get carried away with some pop pop health explanation as to why it is that person's struggling with the pleasure trap we struggle with the pleasure trap because the pleasure trap is is a disturbance in our current environment that draws our natural instinct into it it's a it's a potentially catastrophic and and always disturbing generator of error is what it is and so that that is the reason that that people struggle with the way that they struggle not their hormones your hormones do weather your hormones do for various and sundry biological reasons we're not going to stop them we're not gonna we're not gonna get away from a desire for a greasy secret chicken sandwich with french fries we're by taking some new hormone shot in the 27th century that will not hate this song that will not solve the problem the the problem can only be solved by a consistent adherence to healthy diet which will keep the palate sharp and keep the memories of the rich food quiet as quiet as we can that's what will reduce those cravings yep well that makes sense and you have some agreement like Tina's saying with it because she doesn't need it anymore she doesn't crave it anymore I've always heard the saying that what we eat today we crave tomorrow so you bet okay so Jennifer from the fans of the beat your jeans podcast group wants to notice dr. Lyle ever drink wine or other alcohol and I would add why are why not ah no I don't the and the reason why is that I just never did and I never never developed any taste for it at all so wine just tastes like sour vinegar to me and and I'm sure that there's many aficionados out there saying oh my god what he's missing and I sometimes Envy I live in wine country I mean ironically so that's true north sound center and the MacDougall Center are smack in the middle of wine country such as life okay and and people go wine tasting and and I've been to the wineries and some of them are beautiful and it all it I almost wish that I that I did just because I feel like I'm missing out on it and a little elegance and interest in life but no I just don't not interested never was and that's when you're best friends Allen Goldhammer and you're never invited to a party this is what happens to you that would be the answer yes what yeah wonder why not I mean the the truth of the matter is for me you know obviously it's two to use a a a gross and distorted way of looking at this and I and I don't mean to be this riddle but if you'd never tried heroin you never knew what you missed and so as a result it's like well fine never did it I am the same thing is true with what alcohol for me I actually was accidentally made tipsy once it was total accident I somebody had put some I would drink virgin drinks to with friends and somebody put some alcohol and a virgin drink and I barely knew who's there and I didn't want to make a fuss about it and it was on an empty stomach and I actually got a little tipsy and people were cracking up and because I was actually slurring my words a little bit and it was sort of entertaining to have this license to say whatever I wanted so there was a a person there that I didn't like very much and I iced lured out a couple of left handed compliments and it's a long story it's sort of a shirttail relative but I didn't have any fun this war and so people thought that that was great fun and including the victim of my of my slur twit the however I never have it again and the reason is I actually didn't like the feeling at all and I'm sort of fortunate that I do not happen to like that feeling there's people that the very first time they get that feeling they fall in love with it and that's just Chin's so my genes are not don't happen to be of that ilk and that's why that that's why it worked out that way I've been tipsy exactly once in my life well good for you and I guess I'm fortunate dr. Lila I can say whatever I want even when I don't have that age so Peter have you had mentioned when answering the question of codependency that agree agree ability was involved and Peter has a question about agree ability he says what general life advice would you give to those who are low in agree ability Wow I would say I'm not sure what general life advice I would I would give I would when people are low in a guerrilla T they tend to be very threatening to other people with their anger so logorrhea bill people tend to are often angry the reason why is if you're low in agreeable you have the distorted view of what is fair so the average person we're going to say in principle is what I call a 50/50 trader so we would consider that person quote reasonable so we if we have 50/50 deal you know each of us are gonna make a $20 profit off the thing we shake hands and we say fair enough okay the if a person is very agreeable then then I can say you know out of this deal I think I worked a little harder so I'm going to take 25 dollars and I'll give you 15 and the agreeable person will say well that's fine okay so now we've got a person who is a 4060 trader very sweet very nice very easy to get along with all right now if I said to a disagreeable person who's we're gonna call them a 60/40 or a 70/30 trader where I said okay well we're gonna divide this thing and I were just going to make $20 I'm like nah no I think my contribution is worth more I think I should get thirty dollars and you get ten and like one now wait a second we're both spending the same amount of time we have the same level of expertise now it's going to be 5050 that would be me as a fifty-fifty trader coming back and saying no I'm gonna assist on fifty-fifty and they are thinking that they're being cheated okay so the disagreeable person a person who is consistently disagreeable that's why we call them to scribble is someone who actually is walking around with a genetically built distortion in their head about what's fair beyond and so this doesn't make them a bad person it just makes them a person that is more likely to exploit other people and one of the methods by which that takes place is their anger so we are all capable of being angry a sweet person is capable of being angry if you're very unfair to them enough unfair to them that they actually will feel a rare moment rage so if you start to steal the a woman's child or her or some sweet girls little puppy you know she's gonna be pretty upset and so everyone has the capacity to be angry if they believe that they are being treated unfairly the the disagreeable person believes they're being treated unfairly often in other words and sometimes in many cases they feel like it's happening all day long and all of these transactions that keep coming up to them they just feel like they're being cheated at that at the the pizza place they're being cheated at the drycleaners they're being have to stand in line too long why should they have to stand in line so long etcetera etcetera in other words that's a disagreeable person that's a very disagreeable person now so what advice would I give to disagreeable people I would say that that is probably important for you to mean to be important for many people but it would be particularly important for you to be in what I call a position of power with respect to your work life in other words you better work extra hard and be extra skilled and be willing to put yourself try to put yourself in a position where you're the supervisor because you're gonna be life it's going to be difficult for you if you have people over you that are sort of telling you what to do that's going to be particularly difficult for a disagreeable person probably best to find a way of life to be your own boss my best friends kind of disagreeable if anybody's ever met Alan people know I did he's not super disagreeable but he's no day at the beach he is on the disk on the disagreeable side of the continuum not not heavily but he's there and and this this means he's better off being in charge so he actually knew this from the jump early in life and knew he wasn't gonna work for anybody John McDougall also disagreeable so also you can absolutely work with John and people do and people like working for John but John wouldn't like working for anybody else you can forget about that that was never gonna happen this last day of his of his training is when he had it out with the chief of the chief of this hospital and the guy said John I'm worried about you [ __ ] are you gonna this all this diet stuff you're gonna just treat a bunch of hippies and you're gonna go broke and it's not good for your family and John poked his finger at the guy's big abdomen said I think there's gonna be a lot of people they're gonna need help so this is this is one bit of advice another bit of advice is that in in close relationships when when you are in arguments you have to have a little card in your wallet that says I could be wrong here in other words you you could be wrong if you are a disagreeable person and you are in close relationships with other people and you are angry with them it's very likely that the people in your life that have stuck with you are pretty agreeable they wouldn't have to disagreeable don't stick around very long together so if you are disagreeable you need to have a special note in your head that you have a tendency to be unfair and when you are ready to threaten and use that anger to intimidate you need to back up okay and take a walk and get a little perspective on this situation if you can so that's a that's a that's a little bit of advice that I would give to the disagreeable and the advice the agreeable says avoid those people as much as you can you know oftentimes disagreeable people are can be extremely talented they can be driven they can be fabulous in many ways but we want to have our relationships with them in such a way that we are not at their mercy that we want to don't build your life around a disagreeable person you your life can intersect with them but building it building around them can be a problem that makes sense and I think one of the reasons I married Charles is because of his lack of disagreeable agreeable people are just so much more pleasant to be around yes yeah that's that's how we just yet you'll feel that with animals too yeah so there's Anna naughty cat that lives on the other side of my cul-de-sac and comes over and tries to hassle my cats and that cat is just a disagreeable animal it just is and and my cats are sweet and so that's just these are parts of nature so disagreeable can be fine but we intersect with them don't overlap too much yeah I think it's probably a good trait like in an attorney you know yes right great it's ready great yeah right else thank you I had a revolutionary path visionary doctor it's good trade to taking my visionary revolutionary you better uh some your teeth better be extra sharp yeah terrific so Emma wants to know what does dr. Lyle think of the mindful eating and health and every size movement I'm not I don't know that much about the mindful eating I know a little bit about it I've heard that it curse doesn't work at all so there's no there's no support for it I oh I could be wrong about mindful intuitive into of the eating is the thing that is a total scientific failure um the however people do feel better and so and what was the other part of it mindful eating what was the other part and health at every size health at every size movement um let's talk about what is probably going on there the what what we're seeing is is that time people are people's esteem is hurt by being overweight so how valuable others find them in terms of romance in terms of friendships and and in tread there is a there is some amount of cost associated with being overweight and that cost may be minimal or that cost could be severe but you feel the cost so the person is you have an esteem meter in your head that is watching how other people treat you and you're cataloguing why it is that you think they are treating you in the way that they are treating you this is essential for your ability to survive and thrive in it as a social animal so if you if you lost the big game then buy something stupid that you did so you mouth off and shove the referee then it's going to turn out that people will look at you and they will have comments about that and there there will be a way for them to leek their disgust in frustration with you if you are struggling with a weight problem you will pick up hundreds of little little tiny signals from your social environment you know in any given month and those those little tiny signals will be telling you that the this that this particular issue is an impediment to you being esteemed higher and so you feel it and it's a problem and you don't like it and as you shouldn't and that's a signal to tell you this is something about your self presentation that is hurting us and is etc so a great many devices have been attempted to be invented in order to try to mitigate those feelings and people the result the reason why people esteem us less and that we can feel it is that they esteem other people relatively more esteem is a competitive process so all others are not equally beloved and successful all singers are not equally beloved and successful all comedians all politicians etc so it's all different everybody plays their own game everybody advertises what it is that they have to offer the village and everybody gets differential feedback on how successful they have been and it's going to turn out that weight is a is a potentially extremely costly liability that people carry around you know we know this or there wouldn't have been over seventy five thousand titles published on weight loss in the English language okay it wouldn't be the number one personal goal of human beings in westernized society is to lose weight it's not to make more money we're to have bigger muscles it's to lose weight that's the most common personal goal okay so that didn't happen by accident that happened because other people canalize people for having those problems by the esteem signals that they sent them so as you can imagine because this problem is so difficult to deal with and and and is somewhat mysterious to people people don't understand that the solution isn't to eat less and exercise more even though that seems obviously true that is not the solution so people are lost and they're flailing around there's only one true solution to the problem which is to get out of the pleasure trap and that solution is the least palatable literally and figuratively of all of the options okay so as a result of that what happens people will flounder and they will fail repetitively this is going to be very likely to be the case in most of the time and so as a result people are essentially stuck with this problem of having esteem signals that they don't like and it they don't know what to do they've tried you know 37 times different diets they failed she'll have the same problem and they keep getting this steam signals and they feel the same frustration about the difference between what they think they deserve in terms of the same signals and what they're getting but the world is relentless and it just won't give it to you if it won't give it to you I don't care how great a singer you think you are if you're not that greatest singer they're not going to give it to you the I was listening to some music on my what do you call that the Alexa and I don't know how it came up and I couldn't believe this voice and I thought that must be Ella Fitzgerald I mean I just almost never in my life if I heard of always so easy with six extraordinary range and so I asked Alexa and it was Lady gaga and I had never heard Lady Gaga before I knew she was some bigshot but I'd never listened to her sing it's like ah okay now we know why the whole world does that name is is it's a it's a Ella Fitzgerald quality extraordinary voice so the world gives you the feedback that's what it does and so what do people do about this when they're in trouble and their trap they try to find a way around it so they're going to band together in those coalition's and they're gonna say we're gonna do it this way okay how about if we're doing mindful eating now so we're gonna pick up the fork and then we're gonna chew we're going to follow these little rules and we're gonna meditate and I don't know what you're gonna do and either get out of the pleasure trap or you don't and you see when you're out of the pleasure trap be as mindless as you want like I never think about the food that I eat it is once it's in front of me the last thing well I'd be talking to my friends I can be looking at sports I can be chomp and fast chomp and slow bite and swallowing doesn't make any difference it's the pleasure trap or not I don't care how mindful you are it's what you're eating it's not how you're eating it it's a nonsense idea now you think the Gophers are the ones that aren't mindful or overweight gotta be kidding me okay this is all this is all a bunch of hooey and what's it about it's about status defense it's about being able to tell other people while I'm doing mindful eating okay well good for you you and everybody at Weight Watchers everybody at Weight Watchers it's a big failure so the Weight Watchers evidence shows that Weight Watchers is a is a in terms of weight loss it's a totally useless operation let's figure out why on earth are they in existence how is it that they're the most successful weight loss program in the United States monetarily when they have absolutely zero success answer they must be solving the esteem problem they're not solving a weight problem they must be mitigating the esteem problem in some fashion and they are so if you are 100 pounds overweight and you go to your work and everybody there is telling you essentially they're giving you those cues you sit down and lunch with your with your little candy bar that says Weight Watchers on it it cost three dollars and you say I'm doing weight lectures oh well okay Sally's doing Weight Watchers so she's doing what she's supposed to be doing yes I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing I'm doing Weight Watchers and I'm doing mindful eating what's the other thing is it it's health in every size health in every size health it every sauce yeah I'm healthy I'm healthy my my doctor says my my numbers look good yeah I'm healthy yeah fine nobody cares hey so your not healthy you you you could you could survive but you're putting all kinds of pressure on your bones you're putting pressure on your heart I mean obviously the this is this is through through essentially no fault of your own you're trapped in an incredible environment that it's gonna take unusual diligence and knowledge to get out of the trap can you you bet have people done it absolutely they've done it you know tens of thousands of people have done this this is not is not at all impossible it's just difficult but but these movements whether it's Weight Watchers and two of the mindful eating I forget what this thing was again what's the other one said it was just - it was mindfulness or mindful eating and health at every size how good every size I keep them straight whatever it is the story's the same you're fine you're healthy doesn't matter that you're 150 pounds overweight health it up health it any size you could be healthy at any size you can you can be healthy enough that you're not going to die but it won't change your esteem signals okay the same signals will continue relentlessly so what do I think about these things I think they're little tiny band-aids over a very big gaping gushing a scheme hemorrhage that's what I think they are and I think in that way they are silly and don't don't don't distract yourself for six months trying this out see how this works you may find that in a coalition of similarly afflicted people that that you send each other some positive a same signals behind us and you wind up feeling 10% psycho emotionally better for short periods of time it's a losing proposition okay let me tell you how it is that you actually go about this problem you get if you need to some help like you're getting here and then what you do or you don't you don't have to get help or you can just buy a copy the start solution and the problems over and now what are you gonna do now what you do is you resolve that you are actually going to do this you know run an experiment see what this feels like for 30 days and the reason why I would set it short is the following because I want a person to see what happens to the most important thing in their life and thirty days and the most important thing in their life is their self-esteem the most important esteem signal that there is is your self-esteem it's what your internal audience thinks of you and it's watching you and it's watching what it is that you give so instead of trying to mitigate the negative esteem signals that we get from other people if we have excess weight or any other problem what we want to do instead is we want to impress our own internal audience with our diligence and folks you can change how you feel about yourself very quickly far quicker then you can change what other people think of you by losing much a way to being successful you can actually substantially change how you feel usually within seven days okay seven days of not half-ass b-minus work but seven days of a plus chef AJ wacky crazy work okay if a person will actually grit their teeth and do this even for a week what they will find is their internal audience starting to shift it won't be cheering you but it'll start to feel like you know what you deserve some respect that is your internal audience sending an esteem signal to your esteem meter and no matter what other people are saying it doesn't matter what they're saying your internal audience will know okay you do that for 30 days and you're gonna find something interesting that it will strengthen and grow and become more determined and actually increase its internal confidence but the entire system will be way better even though you're only down seven or eight pounds so you you're going from 80 pounds down to 72 pounds overweight nobody could tell but one person knows and that's you okay and your self-esteem can change dramatically in that 30 days to the point where you feel very differently about about yourself and then later on after you've lost the sixty of those 80 pounds when other people's eyes are wide open that I've seen you in six months and they're like wow that's also nice but don't get seduced what counts is the self-esteem that that's where we want to stay right on top of this we have 100% control of self-esteem the the self-esteem mechanism you is under 100% indirect control we do not have direct control of it we cannot command self-esteem in and out of existence but what we can command in and out of existence is the effort that are that are required to earn the self-esteem and if we are diligent and we work hard the self-esteem spontaneously emerges within days if not within hours okay so that that is what I had to say about all these other window dressings that don't address the underlying problem there is a way to address it and that's what we do here oh great thanks dr. Lao you know this health in every size movement it sounds a little bit like the ego trap that you described because the people that I know that our proponents of it are ones that have not been able to as you say get out of the pleasure trap and lose weight so it's so interesting and I've been taking notes as you speak and when you said I'll quote you because cuz it's so important I want everyone to hear it again when you're out of the pleasure trap be as mindless as you want it's not it's not it's what you're eating not how and that's so true and it's the same thing when we did the interviewing on the weighing and measuring it's not how much you're eating but what and if people would understand what dr. mcdougal is saying in the starch solution and just not be afraid and eat enough starch they really could eat as much as they want and be slim so yes yeah one caveat that we've talked about which is that the rich side of healthy food is something that people will they can condition a cram circuit so we know that that's an additional little problem but that's that's its own specific issue the we don't have to be particularly diligent we just have to not be repetitively routinely cramming rich food on on the right side of AJ's scale the red side of the scale so that's all we have to do otherwise you know we're not gonna cram potatoes and we're not gonna cram starch there's no way squash that's not what's gonna happen we know what we're gonna cram we're gonna crown things that are nuts seeds dried fruit these are bread bread like products that might be whole-wheat and whole-grain crackers that are you know whole whole crackers that are biochemically healthy but they are rich in terms of calorie density these are the kinds of things that people will wind up cramming and then we can set up that kind of a circuit so yeah we can't we can't be completely in a hundred percent I'm cognizant of that possibility but essentially the answer is eat the right foods and don't worry about anything else right thank you so Estelle asks she says if we have abstained from anything sugary for a long time and then we eat something with lots of sugar that makes us feel physically sick why doesn't our brain kick in and protect us by making sure that we no longer want to eat sugar whoa well the the truth of the matter is is that that your brain is not that the taste of the sugar is a is an innate signal of biological success so the fact that that you can overdo it and it's unlikely to be the sugar itself that causes you to feel sick it's probably something that's coming along with the sugar or more likely to be something that's like fat so so what will probably make people feel sick most of the time is a combination of high fat high sugar food if they haven't been used to it because the system is not used to breaking down all that fat so you could feel pretty you can feel sick the and so what's going to happen is is that you probably will feel a more of a specific aversion to that specific food for a short period of time essentially this is how the nervous system is really smart in other words it doesn't want you to not like the taste of sugar because the taste of sugar is a is a recognition of a valuable chemical but if it turns out that you subsequently feel ill let's suppose you ate like six by six Cinna bonds okay you just yeah adenine anything unhealthy for a year and a half and then you know somebody brought a bunch of Cinnabon xand and they left him there in front of you on the counter they were going to take him somewhere then they cancelled the little meeting and it turns out there's eight Cinnabons there and they took one and another kid took one there's six left and everybody left the house and you ate them all okay so what's going to happen your nervous system is going to be is going to code the taste of the Cinnabon with the feeling that's how it's going to work so it's not gonna say sugar is what made me sick and it's not gonna say fat is what made me sick it's gonna say the taste of Cinnabon made me sick because it's not going to want to rule out those experiences because those experiences or code is biologically valuable okay so that's uh that's how we code a specified version mm-hmm specific aversions or conditioner versions like that that's a characteristic of animal behavior is to have a conditioned to version if you get sick after you eat something specific and those conditioner versions occasionally if it's a really novel food and it's also you're super sick that conditioning can last for a long time it could even put you in chili last a lifetime you might you might be conditioned have a condition to version forever but you're probably what the system isn't designed that where the system is designed to say the reason we got sick is there's a little bit of bacterial contamination that did so we need to be careful next time we eat that food that to not eat as much of it so the next time we'll kind of nibble at it and eat less and then we'll see if that next batch makes us sick so that's why so it's a long answer to the question about why it is that when we crap we we don't and when we feel lousy we don't we don't learn the lesson to not eat the crap that's not how you're designed the reason why you want to eat the crap is is that it's hitting the pleasure centers of the brain telling the brain that this is super valuable food that it's actually super normal and it's it's it's not going to make the connection that a more generalized connection that rich it is bad never gonna happen alright well thank you so back to the pleasure trap Diana says that she's stuck in the pleasure trap but she's not able to stay at True North because of financial restraints what's the easiest way for me to reset my taste buds I'm thinking of doing a short juice fast or smoothie fast what do you think dr. Lyle you can do a short juice fast the juice I would use would be you know half vegetable juice it wouldn't be a bunch of fruit juice with but it might be like you know maybe carrot and apple juice so you might go to Whole Foods Market and get a half a gallon of each and then mix those together and I would dilute them I would cut them by 50 percent of water so I'd have half apple juice half carrot juice and then half of it half of the whole thing view water and and I might do that for a couple of days and that would be you you be sick of it after a couple days which is fine and your palate would have become more sensible sensitive to sodium and fat over that period of time so that's one thing that you could do people can also do a water fast you can you know if you got a three-day weekend or if you got a little bit a little bit more time you could certainly do two or three days on your own quite safely as long as you're in recently good health I wouldn't recommend this for a you know sixty five-year-old cardiac patient don't do it but if you're if you're 37 years old and otherwise and in good health there's no reason why you couldn't go a couple days without food and even two days without food can be plenty other words it can be enough for you to be like wow I don't want to do that and I really want to eat and you can be quite a bit hungrier than you've been for a long time and at that point healthy food you should have your environment cleaned out before you ever do this so if the only foods that are in your environment are gonna be the foods that you're going to want to follow up something like that with so juice fast water fast these are our ways to a quick start and course-correct you yeah no problem you they're always there it doesn't matter how many times you do it you could do you can a two-day water fast 30 times this year you want it to there's a lot of people that might might fast there's people that are fasting one day a week and they find that to be a useful way for them to course-correct so yeah any any combination of those things all good great well thank you so much we have five questions left I think we could probably get through at least one more possibly to lady says does going back to college in my 50s put me at an advantage from life and life experience or a disadvantage in regard to academics I still after all these years have not been able to come to terms with not graduating from college well I'm glad you are going back and graduating from college you are neither an advantage or disadvantage in your fifties your your brain is effectively the same brain that you had when you were 22 it's got pretty much the same assets and liabilities there's no advantage here other than that I don't know you maybe a little bit better if you're not going to be out drinking and partying the way you might have been in your twenties so maybe your life's a little bit more stable so the yeah no no liabilities or assets so your job is to you know steady take notes make yourself quizzes on those notes in other words go through a methodical process invest the time and energy to do to do things well and methodically basically outwork your competition and you should do fine and that is a very good thing for you to do now I'm going to very briefly say that that a lot of people don't know how to study so the way you want to study is when you read the textbook you want to be taking notes essentially rewriting the textbook or getting a synopsis the textbook in your own handwriting and then once you've done that with the chapter then you write a quiz on that on your notes the same thing with the professor's lecture notes you take the lecture notes and then you write a quiz on the lecture notes and then what you do is you use the quizzes to quiz you against your notes once I the textbook and had written the my notes out of the textbook I never looked at the textbook again okay not none of this highlighting and going back and reading the high points that that's a that's an ineffective method for human beings to absorb and integrate information read I would read a textbook essentially paragraph by paragraph and and then synthesize what it is that I had read and what I wanted to remember out of each paragraph and then I would have like in a 28-page chapter I might have six pages of notes that are chapter one all about George Washington and then I would have a quiz on my notes and then I would use that quiz to to periodically quiz myself and then peek at my notes immediately when I couldn't figure out what the answer is so it's you get immediately reinforcement and get get the information integrated if you do that the other kids won't do it and you'll do well great thank you okay this one doesn't I don't think this is a long answer but alas because we have a few more minutes get he says do you have any pain management tools when you don't want to take medicine and you have a migraine you know I actually don't know much about this I mean people people will say migraine and we don't necessarily know what the cause of that migraine is could be a lot of things person could be dehydrated they could likely have a some muscular spasms in their neck obviously people who use ice sometimes using heat packs and ice packs alternatively on the back of your neck can actually help the visit congestion a release if that happens to be the cause of what's going on but you know black migraines are awful and one day you know one thing that we have seen at Turner Health Center I've seen two things first of all elimination diets if you if you suffer from migraines offens then I'm a dual elimination diet can be a godsend and sometimes that will be that will turn the key for people also water fasting period of water fasting sometimes is can be essential for a person healing in a way that will strip away those migraines and they may they may leave you for years I have a will offer water fast so those are but in terms of what to do during during a migraine I could I couldn't really tell you okay that's great so thank you for being honest when you don't know something it's so rare when that actually happens but it's probably just because it's not your area of expertise all kinds of things I don't know obviously really all right what else do we got okay well you know I'm almost afraid to ask this question but haha because if you say something this could put me out of business but I'm gonna ask it because that's the kind of person I am it's from Robin who's both in the beat your jeans fan of beat your jeans podcast group and in the ultimate weight loss program and I met her at North at the holiday extravaganza and she says can you please ask dr. Lyle about the power of competition to lose weight in a support group like the ultimate weight loss program see I personally don't see it as a competition but that's maybe how she sees it and she says is competition in this area positive and healthy that's a that's an interesting question and and the only way to to answer it is to unfortunately say that you can't be answered except in the context of individual differences so every coach knows that every player has a different psychology about that and so and so they have to be careful about how they how they manage it so there's going to be people that in in a competitive situation they may construe situations as competitive and it may be useful because it may may amp them up to get more focused into push this is a bizarre thing that happens to TrueNorth spontaneously is that there can be a competitive feel as to how long people water fast I must have been there for 10 years before I even knew that this was going on and some some client at some point clued me in and I remember being just flabbergasted and I will forget about it a year will go by and I will forget that it's going on and then some client will again allude to that and I'll be like good god people like this is not a competition for crying out loud but but people are people and so people will people will see competitive process where there is none if it comes to fasting I'm a total lightweight in other words for days I'm like oh my god I've got to get out of this I can't stand it and other people will go you know three weeks and just be like hey what's the problem so you know I just don't see this as a competitive process and and weight loss I don't see as a competitive process you could it's certainly their end result it has a competitive undertone to it in other words you're trying to become more attractive as a result of being a better condition so that you can compete for esteem so there's an underlying competitive necessity that is that is driving some of this but competitive with other people that are doing it that that reminds me of true north and the fasting in other words it's not set up to be competitive we don't want it to be competitive it's set up is not nothing other than a supportive environment for you to do something difficult and that's how I that's how I see AJ's group and that's how I see other other things like this in other words the if the fact that there's a competitive aspect to it if it scares some people off it may scare some people off because it may not be their cup of tea and I could understand that if it may be very helpful for some other people I happen to know some people that have been AJ's group I happen to know that they're competitive and I happen to know that it is driven them to be more successful so that that is true and there's no stopping that it is probably also the case that some people have found out some of that competitive scent from a time and it is felt like it wasn't a comfortable place for them and they've wandered away which you know essentially they've they've tried to find a place that's good for them III think that that as it as a true North it's not emphasized look if the mcdougal program the mcdougal program there's always a thing at the end like who what person lost the most weight and and people apply for him but really it's not or who's whose cholesterol went down the most but it's it's almost an interest in other people's experiences because we're watching them and we're watching that they in fact are being successful at the same process and that we can be to accept that we may be going at a different rate and that's final okay so sometimes that's valuable for people to see that it's not just me that's having a little bit of success here but a whole bunch of people are having a little bit of success and a few people are having a lot of success at which point that gives us some encouragement that we're definitely on the right track and that's how I see that right nothing yeah that's terrific because I think that sometimes when they see that it is possible it it helps them we do we do something in ultimate weight-loss called transformation Tuesday well we're not trying to rub it in people's faces but we want them to know hey I did this and maybe you can too so absolutely that's great well I just want you know we have people really watching from all over the world Spain England Norway Nova Scotia US Virgin Islands so you are a multinational celebrity doctor oh is that right again guys I've been keeping his website posted the whole time it is Team Dynamics comm where you get a lot of great free resources or book a private consultation and thank you so much we got through all the two questions so maybe you'll come back again and we'll get to ask you those so yeah great what is Ray J absolutely thank you guys so much for watching another episode of healthy living live thank you dr. Lyle I'm chef AJ and I make healthy tastes delicious you
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